Tim
09-27-2004, 09:13 PM
It's an easy slide into resentful thinking. I think one of the reasons for this is that it takes the pressure off of me and lets me give personal responsibility the slip.
A resentment is so comforting in a way; it's just like a drink. There is the excitement of remembering how I was wronged and letting the resentment roll around in my mind. The self-righteous attitude that results crowds out any awareness of my sins. I can pose as a morally superior person and use that equation to tip the scales so far in my favor that I no longer feel any need to right a wrong I have commited; they all become invisble by comparison.
Let me give an example. My former employer occasionally pops into my head as an organization that wronged me by piling excessive responsibilities on me. In fact, two people now do the work that I did alone. While this organizational wrong may in part be true, I use it to grow my resentment against them while evasively neglecting the fact that I often was not a very good employee.
It is good for me to remember the fact that I have a tendency to use resentments against others to justify my own wrongs. It is best for me to follow the suggestion of the Tenth Step and "when I am wrong, promptly admit it." I am not responsible for wrongs done to me--that's God's job--but if I am to stay contently sober, I must clean up my side of the street.
Why do I welcome and nurture resentments and balk at admitting my own wrongs? Pride and fear.
"Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig"
A resentment is so comforting in a way; it's just like a drink. There is the excitement of remembering how I was wronged and letting the resentment roll around in my mind. The self-righteous attitude that results crowds out any awareness of my sins. I can pose as a morally superior person and use that equation to tip the scales so far in my favor that I no longer feel any need to right a wrong I have commited; they all become invisble by comparison.
Let me give an example. My former employer occasionally pops into my head as an organization that wronged me by piling excessive responsibilities on me. In fact, two people now do the work that I did alone. While this organizational wrong may in part be true, I use it to grow my resentment against them while evasively neglecting the fact that I often was not a very good employee.
It is good for me to remember the fact that I have a tendency to use resentments against others to justify my own wrongs. It is best for me to follow the suggestion of the Tenth Step and "when I am wrong, promptly admit it." I am not responsible for wrongs done to me--that's God's job--but if I am to stay contently sober, I must clean up my side of the street.
Why do I welcome and nurture resentments and balk at admitting my own wrongs? Pride and fear.
"Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig"