grrrrrrrrrrr

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Seven weeks of sobriety and today I am feeling tempted. I almost caved in but decided to pop in here for a moment instead. Okay, I'm just going to type for a moment or two until my brain slows down and then I'm going to go pray and get busy with something else!

GRRRR :mad:

[Emerging]

You're doing GREAT to do all you can to STAY sober!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOO VR!!!! :D

Seven weeks of sobriety and today I am feeling tempted. I almost caved in but decided to pop in here for a moment instead. Okay, I'm just going to type for a moment or two until my brain slows down and then I'm going to go pray and get busy with something else!

GRRRR :mad:

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Thanks, Emerging.

I made it through but it was a good warning signal to me. I had to take stock and see if I had been slacking off in some of my recovery disciplines and I was. Thank God for His mercy and protection but I'm humbled to be reminded again of my utter powerlessness and utter dependence on God for my sobriety and spiritual health.

This ain't no picnic!!! :rolleyes:

(((((( Emerging ))))))))

[Nakisha]

VR, I am so proud of YOU! You made some real tough but good choices when the temptation hit. You just gave me a big ol' smile tonight. God Bless You little bunny, keep up the good work. Thank you Jesus for Vr and her trusting You! Nakisha/reader

[Velveteen Rabbit]

BLUSH! :o

Thanks ((((((( reader ))))))) ! I appreciate your encouragement. :)

[Jerry]

Dear VR,,,,
Been there done that one :rolleyes: I remember "slips" I had lots of them till I figured out they were "Planed Drunks"
Hi,,,,,my name is Jerry,,,,,,,,,and my problem is Jerry :D
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

VR:

I can remember being where you are at. I remember thinking that I had so much time under my belt and that was the longest I had ever had and why would I want to jeopardize it and I remember thinking that it seemed like it was forever if I looked or projected into the future about my sobriety. One day at a time and VR you are making progress by reaching out and telling others and sharing right where you are. I didn't know what to do when I was getting sober. AA was not acceptable in my family so the same way I went down the tubes behind the scenes was the same way I had to come back up. To this day, my family will not admit I was an alcoholic. They will admit my dad's brother was and my mom's uncle but I was not. My support system was not as healthy as yours. Mine was hiding behind walls and closing out life all of it and becoming agoraphobic because I didn't want anyone to see me sobering up thinking I wasn't going to be acceptable. Still to this day, when I have a problem I hide and talk kind of like undercovers?

You go VR and don't be afraid to use support systems. You can do it .....you may be utterly helpless but God will give you strength in your will and your resolve
to stay that way. My prayers are with you.

Melanie


Thanks, Emerging.

I made it through but it was a good warning signal to me. I had to take stock and see if I had been slacking off in some of my recovery disciplines and I was. Thank God for His mercy and protection but I'm humbled to be reminded again of my utter powerlessness and utter dependence on God for my sobriety and spiritual health.

This ain't no picnic!!! :rolleyes:

(((((( Emerging ))))))))

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Thanks for your supportive responses. I agree with what you said, Melanie, about not focussing too much on the length of my stretch of sobriety. I really am trying to do this a day at a time... but I have noticed that after several good weeks, I tend to get a bit comfortable and overly confident, so it would probably be good for me to plan to take some sort of inventory every few weeks or so and do some specific, intentional recovery work just to keep me on the right track (besides what I do each day).

I also just want to mention -- because I don't want to mislead anyone -- that my addiction is not alcohol. I don't think I've drunk a full glass of wine in my life. The "older" NACR participants know my story but I haven't shared it for a while. I guess there's still some shame involved but I'll briefly tell you where I'm at.

What I've been dealing with is an addiction to on-line pornography (erotica and chats more than images) since I got Internet access about 8 years ago. (I never used pornography prior to that but I realized later that I had always struggled with fantasies, etc.) Even after I came to NACR (about 5 years ago?) my addiction had a powerful hold on me (in fact, it seemed to get worse for a while) but God has been merciful and has been lovingly healing me. This past year has been relatively free of acting out but not entirely slip-free. (I had one or two brief but serious relapses.)

Anyway... just so you know.

One thing that has helped is that we've started the True Love Waits campaign at church and I, as one of the youth leaders, am encouraging the kids to be sexually pure. What a challenge that has been to walk the talk -- one I'm grateful for. If the program doesn't help them (I pray it will!), I am sure it will help me as I study and prepare for our meetings and am constantly reminded of the need for total surrender to God in all parts of my life, not just my sexuality. (I long ago understood that although I've remained a virgin to this date, that doesn't mean I've been sexually pure -- and I can use this experience to give the same message or warning to the kids.)

Yesterday's temptation came after I left myself a little bit vulnerable by reading something on-line that reminded me of a site I used to visit. I almost went there but quickly reminded myself that it just wasn't worth it... I would be causing myself damage, not good.

So.... there it is in black and white. :) Thanks for "listening"!

VR

[Jerry]

Dear VR,,,
Thanks for sharing that part of your story with me :) I feel that we still have something in common,,,,,,,,,,Addiction is addiction same address,,,,,different apartment number :D
Love Jerry

[Emerging]

Hey (((VR))) and Jerry ... yep, we all be addicted to anything .... and it is hard work to fight back against it ... but ... another idea is that we fill ourselves so full of nourishing whatever that the craving for our "drugs" of choice is "filled" by the goodness filling us up. For me one way of filling up is by actually dealing with stressful stuff instead of pretending like it didn't bother me.

I realize too that if I got into a great job, a temptation would be to get all prideful about it ... because I still have that big of a hole in my soul. So *when* (gotta be hopeful) I get a good job in a good company where people actually work to build on the good in us instead of harp about every error we make .... I will have to calmly but pretty doggedly monitor myself to nip any problems in the bud.

Addictions .. so many possiblities! :rolleyes:

Still SO excited for you VR that you didn't cave!!! Prayers continue for you. :)

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Thanks so much! I appreciate the encouragement. Today I was back on track. Well, mostly. My time management and eating has been a bit out the window lately but there's hope for me! :rolleyes:

[Voyager]

My brother just slammed into a parked car drunk the other night and got seven tickets. He also has a gash in his head three inches long, and will probably be going back to prison for a few years. He just got out in March after serving three years for numerous drinking and driving offenses.

Just thought I'd post this little reminder of how much fun drowning your sorrows is - NOT!

:(