HI- new here

[A Ray of Hope]

I didn't see a welcome forum, so I wasn't sure where to post to say hi. So hi! :)

I have been dealing with severe issues from the elders of my church ( which is no longer my church since after last night's mtg with them, I resigned)
they have been verbally abusive, not pastoral or compassionate, have not handled the discipline of my husband who is committing adultery and has abandoned me and my son, properly. I have been treated harshly and I suspect cuz I am a woman. and it grieves me to think and say that but it has been true. I have been working for months now on my own healing from my sexually abusive past that I never dealt with and the Lord saw fit to bring me thru it now..which has been awesome! That spiritual warfare prepared me to battle the situatons with my husband and session.

God has been doing a great work in me and has grown me so much these past 6 months. I have learned to be totally dependant on Him and have known what He is sufficent and my all in all really means!

Well, I won't go on and on but I am glad I found this site. I have been up since 3 am hurting from last nights mtg that I had to speak before the elders and tell them how I have been treated only to have the same elder who was abusive to me do it again! I dint' get home until midnight. I am tired...but I know that the Holy Spirit has prepared me for this very thing and so I rest in Him.
thank you for listening and take care

Krissy

[Kerrin]

((((((((Krissy)))))))),

So many of us women here have similar stories of abuse!
I can relate to every one of your abuse issues! :(

I hope you feel comfortable and get the same, if not more support, (which would be hard to imagine), as me right here!! :)

Officially you are welcomed!! :D

Love
Kerrin ;)

P'S Pray you got some restful sleep :(

[DLL]

WELCOME KRISSY
rolling out the red carpet. consider us your home away from home. sorry to hear about your abuse and mistreatment. if you need anything ,let us know, ok.
IN HIS GRACE

[InTheory]

Welcome, Ray!!!

It is my prayer that you can now begin to heal.

I can't express my sorrow enough forwhat you have experienced; just know that God loves you and will never forsake you.

I am sorry that people in leadership abused you-there is no excuse.

DC

[Pinkie Pie]

Hi Ray of Hope.

Just wanted to say welcome. You will find a lot of people here who will support you and encourage you, and who will offer you compassion and unconditional love! A big part of my healing can be attributed to just having this place to come to, to voice my feelings without fear of ridicule or judgment, and know that I am understood.

[Willow]

HI Krissy, welcome here. The thing that stood out to me is that you KNEW it was abusive. BRAVO!!!! The second thing was that you STOOD UP to it! DOUBLE BRAVO!!!

Cheering you on,
Amy

[A Ray of Hope]

Thank you all so much!!! I appreciate the warm and loving welcome. I didn't get much sleep, but God is calming my heart. He is teaching me so many things thru every trial I am going thru this year! My faith is growing- not hte reverse, so praise God for that! He is so good and merciful to his children.

It has been so incredibly painful dealing with my leadership in trying to get my husband help, admonished and disciplined. They have shown him so much compassion and in the process forgot about me.

It was Christ in me who stood before those men last night and spoke the truth. Cuz I couldnt' have done it! Some were offended that I speak to them but I did have 2 who were visibly moved. the elder who so horrificly verbally assaulted me and has mistreated me all along, was the same last night. It grieves me to know that an elder is filled with that much utter hate. It is shocking and sobering.

I thank you all so much for being a safe place to rest. It's funny how God has brought christians togehter to support one another and encourage each other thru the internet! I found this site while surfing for some support for healing from spiritual abuse- and here you were. I am grateful!

He is exalted!
Krissy

[bad girl]

Krissy,
Your story is very similar to mine as my husband was being verbally and emotionally abusive (he quit the physical abuse ten years earlier thank goodness).
I was taken off the worship team and all the counsel I had was to look at myself, apologize to him, you must have done something to deserve it....
Also, after about a year this ended up in a meeting, such as you described with the head elder and worship leader who probably has the most power in the church (and two women who were the wife and another). It was horrbile, bible verses that compared me to Old testament bad girls, being accused of blatant sin, accountable for third hand gossip, a privat e-mail was printed and read. I was brave like you to confront it, but didn't say much to defend myself since it was 3 against one. When I left the meeting, they thought everything was great with me, but I determined never to go back to the church. I have nad nightmares on a continual basis about it. I even had one where I had committed suicide. It was scary but now it's much better.

Hang in there. Time is about the only thing that can heal this, and welcome to the forum. I can honestly say that this forum had helped me so much.
It has helped me sort things out and realize I'm not alone.

I started my first thread, marital abuse leads to spiritual abuse. That is a real problem in churches. I think women are severely mistreated by churches in cases like this.
Hope things start getting better and hope you find a good church that treats women better. I had on sorta right away, so that was a blessing. They even have women preach from time to time.

Pat

[jane]

Krissy-

((HUGS)) to you my friend.

I hope you find the healing and love here that you seek. I hope you get some rest.


It amazed me that you found us the day after you left the church! I came here about 9 months later, sure wish I found it sooner- but hey, no regrets or looking back now just forward.


welcome aboard.

Jane

[Carmen]

Welcome! :) Sorry to hear what happened to you A Ray of Hope. This anti-women thing seems all too common. I think that the last rejection that happened to me was because I am a woman too. If I were a man I think that the problems would have been far less, I just would have had to kiss up to the pastor to get approval and be admitted to the church - which I wouldn't have done either. It is no wonder that most people here are women. This whole submission thing has been stretched and twisted all out of proportion, and always to our disadvantage. God accepts us and loves us as we are, since he made us that way.

Carmen

[jane]

and to add I think that there is something in the bible that says,

to submit one to another....

and in christ there is no longer male, female, jew, gentile and so on....


so yeah, they take it not only out of proportion but TWIST it a little bit.

Jane

[Willow]

I must say... a lot of my difficulties came from a lack of respect for women in my church too. Also... a lack of respect for singles. Being a single woman was like having leprosy. All I was good for was to work hard and let men take the recognition.

[InTheory]

You're absolutely right, Jane. There IS no longer male, female, jew, gentile, and so on.

It's funny that in the organized church, we claim to be "under grace" :) and yet throw out NT scriptures like this one in favor of an "old world" view of women (that is, women in "submission"-what a croc).

We also LOVE to revert to the OT when it comes to prophets (warning, InTheory is about to go off on a tangent :D )

Prophecy in the context of the NT seems to indicate that it is entirely for edification and building up, yet most people that I have met who think they have a "prophetic" gift think it means to tear down and destroy.
Sigh.

Thanks for letting me vent!!


and to add I think that there is something in the bible that says,

to submit one to another....

and in christ there is no longer male, female, jew, gentile and so on....


so yeah, they take it not only out of proportion but TWIST it a little bit.

Jane

[joemama]

I'm glad you found our forum--I love it here. When I first found it I would shake as I wrote my posts because I was afraid that just writing what had happened to me was sin.I feel much more independant now--being able to talk to peole who don't think that I need a revelation. God bless you !!!! :) --Joemama

[bad girl]

I must say... a lot of my difficulties came from a lack of respect for women in my church too. Also... a lack of respect for singles. Being a single woman was like having leprosy. All I was good for was to work hard and let men take the recognition.


Let me take that one step further. If your husband is borderline with his committment to the church, you don't get the "good" jobs, (but they will let you keep the 2 year olds! )
Also, if he doesn't go at all, as happened a year ago, you get treated that way also. (I was told I could work in the nursery, pull music, or paint, who's to say the doors aren't wide open :rolleyes: !)


Pat

[pblondeau46]

I didn't see a welcome forum, so I wasn't sure where to post to say hi. So hi! :)

Krissy

Hi Krissy, Welcome...............I don't usually say to much unless I have something to say, but I hope to see you around. ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

I am so very thankful for all the encouragment you all have given me- I am sorry that I havent' been on,. I have been to meet an attorney to file for divorce..which I have to pray about considering it will cost me up front 2,900 which I dont' have! but God knows waht I need to do. and I have been trying to think. I am also a member of another forum for sexual abuse survivors..that is how I thought to look for a forum on spiritual abuse..I figured there had to be one out there to help and encourage me. Thank God there is. This place is safe and I appreciate that.

I have recieved a call from one of the elders who did support me when he was finally told about things(their procedure over there is a mess- another elder can't even know if someone's hurting if they are not on that committe to incestigate it!) but he was very grieved as to how things went and he prayed with me and told me he is wrestling with things as well. I saw a humble heart in Him which was encouraging to me. I know that they are not all prideful. BUt I am grieved. as are others.

I am sorry for all of your own personal exp with hurtful churches. I am sure it grieves the Lord to see. there is so much arrogance in the church and so much sin.

I am under so much attack right now I feel - I am being attacked from my family- who they all angry finding out that I have a personal blog telling about all my experiences- they think it is unchristian of me. Feel free to check it out yourself. the thing is it has helped in my healing from sexual and now spiritual abuse. but I won't get into that.

I agree with so much that was spoken here- oh, and I dont' mind the rant!
I am just gonna be in prayer about what to do next. My husband found out about my blog and I think is not happy! I need to file for divorce because I have been left with nothing. I have no car so how can i now work? there are no buses close by here and they dont' run often. sigh..I am seeking God as to what to do. I pray that I am able to hear His voice and make a wise choice. ok, I won't go on much more. thank you for hearing me I hope to talk more

krissy

[jane]

Krissy,

is there a local battered woman's shelter in your area? They help all victims of spousel abuse. They can help you relocate, get funds, etc...

In our state you don't have to live in one to get counseling, free legal services, referrals, help with job interviews, resumes, etc....


Anyway, thought I'd let you know that there may be resources out there....

Jane

[A Ray of Hope]

thank you (((jane))) I appreciate the info!

I really feel like I want an attorney who will be there without being too busy for me- cuz I think my husband is gonna be mean about this. His sister is very wealthy so I am not saying that a leagal aid atty couldnt' help me but I am trying to get an atty who specializes in this and who has a smaller clientelle. The atty who I met with yesterday does. My brother is gonna send me the money to retain her.

Also, on another note, I contacted my denomination's website admin who put me in contact with someone who takes care of discipline matters- I sent him an email detailing what happend to me at my church and he is on the case!

I am not a vengeful person- but I think they will be rethinking the day that they ever were abusive to me! I think they have underestimated the Power of Christ and His truth!

He advised me to recant my resignation so that if I have to engage in court proceedings within the denom, I need to be a memeber. I can't say anything or testify against them if I'm not a member. ANd we ahve court proceedings. So I was very encouraged by him. He prayed with me and supported me.
God is so good!

Also, my husband and family have all found my webite/blog. my husband has printed it out and taking to my church assoc pastor- not sure what he thinks will happen with that..last time I checked it was a free country. I said nothing wrong- just my truth. so we'll see what happens.

please pray for me take care and thank you for all your support!

Kris

[jane]

He advised me to recant my resignation so that if I have to engage in court proceedings within the denom, I need to be a memeber. I can't say anything or testify against them if I'm not a member. ANd we ahve court proceedings. So I was very encouraged by him. He prayed with me and supported me.

help me to understand this. Do you mean court proceedings within the church? Why can't a non member accuse someone of abuse? Why couldn't you if you were a member while the abuse occurred? Just asking...you don't have to answer.

Jane

[Siobhanne]

Krissy,

Hello and welcome to the forum. I seldom post b/c I have been busy (with life in the real world... work, kids etc) but I do read posts, keep up with what is going on and I do care. (Hi Willow and Reg!) It never ceases to amaze me how many people have been affected by spiritual abuse and those are just the ones who manage to find us here. You can safely share here w/o folks thinking you've lost your last marble.

Hang in there,

Siobhanne.

[A Ray of Hope]

help me to understand this. Do you mean court proceedings within the church? Why can't a non member accuse someone of abuse? Why couldn't you if you were a member while the abuse occurred? Just asking...you don't have to answer.

Jane

yes, proceeding within the church denom....I am not sure..I think in order to be able to be made aware of things going on - testify against them somehow I need to be a member...dont' remember all the reasons, sorry, I have a million things floating in my brain right now. I think as well, it is not a perfect system! also a complicated one. But, I did recant my resignation to do it- cuz I want that leadership to be held accountable for their actions! They can't do this anymore!

My son just came back from having dinner with my soon husband (and I use that term loosely, since he abandoned us) and he told him that the elder who was the most abusive to me is having my husband for the fourth of July at his house and has been talking to him...no wonder he was so pissed at me when I went before them..he is hearing and believing the lies from my husbands mouth! He also told my son that I have mental issues and that a judge would make him go to him and not me. How dare he put my son in that position!

the gentleman I spoke with who is going to help me with following thru with this said that early on when certain things were made evident concerning my h's sins, he should have been removed, disciplined and held into account. He kept asking me why didnt' they believe you? over and over- I don't know. I told him all the evidence I had...tons of phone records to her, bills from the porn he ordered, he has going out and drinking and staying out....he didnt' understand why it wasn't taken to the leadership sooner.

anyway, I am hurting today, feel a little defeated and I havent' really felt like that lately. Maybe it was cuz he was here and being hurtful. He told me too that there is a neg amount in the bank...I can't get a job cuz i don't have a car..can't get a car cuz I don't have a job....I just feel tired today, very tired.

I feel stuck and helpless. But my brother, my wonderful brother is sending me the money I need to hire this attorney...nearly 3,000 bucks! but he is mad that the system is set up to protect the guilty. That I have to dish out to protect myself from a man who left me, who wants to divorce me but is a coward to go and file. and why would he, he is living foot loose and fancy free.

Oh, and he told my son that he is planning to go to the church we were/are members of. WHy? to prove what? to look good? grrr
We are not going, we are going with a friend to her church. I jsut want to rest in the Lord and feel His presense surround me. I am so tired.

I am sorry for going on and on...I am just going thru so much right now..so many different things..I am trying to rest in the Lord and seek HIm ..but I just feel tired..tired of fighting, ya know? tired of being beat up emotionally by so many.

I just want to be held..I miss being held and supported. I'm sorry..I better go

thanks for listening

[Kerrin]

((((((Krissy))))))),

I lived in a ( physically ,emotionally, sexually ,socially .....) abusive marriage for 14 years.

Then came 5 years of vascillating between the Family court and the criminal court.
I lost my beautiful home ( which I got to keep in the settlement), but he said he would "get" me financially (now that he couldn't get to me physically any more), so hence all the legal costs etc....

It was a constant head game ! To stay one step ahead of him :(

I did all this ALONE!

Looking back (it's now been 4 years since we've "seen" him, although I've been told he's having us watched!)......I don't know how I survived.
It was only that I had a little girl to protect.

A couple of times I came close to having to go to a women's shelter , but the police didn't really want to send us there........something about the type of environment?? :confused:

So, I cling to My intervention order which is a legal warrant to arrest him if he comes near me or tries to contact me.

But he pretty much succeeded ,I think, in his goal of 'destroying' me! :(

I pray you get more help and stay strong!
I hope you have some good ftf friends! Do you?? :o

I was so alone! :( :confused:

The really sad thing is ; he abandoned us in so many ways, the Police say he is a sociopath ,(as do the Forensic Psychologist who examined him); yet my family and Church still blame me!

I will never "get" it!

I'm sorry I've ranted ,and this is about you and NOW for you!
( I guess, the similarities are touching a nerve and I really do "feel" for you. I get so angry at the lack of support for women in abusive relationships!) :mad:

You are a strong woman........just to have been brave enough to leave !

Love
Kerrin :o

FWIW: My, brief, Testimony:: After I had "lost" everything, I landed myself a Christian Barrister from the High Court!
She represented me for nothing ( I didn;t expect that!)......I know THAT was God because I was running out of steam, and tired of living in fear, tired of hiding my "special meetings" from Amy, protecting her, be "happy" for her when my world had crumbled ,she still doesn't know where I was most of those court times; each court hearing would see me being followed by Federal Police because they feared for my safety.......once I was followed into the ladies room by a 'woman' who threatened me on his behalf ...the police were outside the door but didn't hear it ( lord ; the stories I could recount of those 5 years!), and I had no money left! ........ I had a great Job and was earning really good money , it was painful to see it line the pockets of those Lawyers!), I just stumbled across this woman, when I was phoning around about legal aid; ( She didn't do legal aid, nor my kind of case!), it was amazing.We began to pray together before each court session.
I started to shift gear and claim the Victory as Jesus' NOT mine! ( Even though I didn't "feel" it!)
The final hearing ; she came to me and said "we have been listed last for the day so we could be here all day AND we have the worst Judge ,...he hates women!) :eek: I didn't know if I could take anymore......so we went across the road, had a coffee, prayed, went back and : our case had moved up to 2nd on the list ! And my ex didn't show up, so the Judge discharged all orders and stated he didn't know how I had gone through all this, it was "absurd" and My ex could ONLY see our daughter supervised and would have to reapply to the court for any further contact!!) :eek: :D

So, as awful as it was and 5 years of hell, and I miss my house......an awesome testimony to "handing it over to God" especially as the Church had abandoned me, as had the family.

What a trigger; getting that 'little' bit out! I'm shaking like a leaf :( :eek:

Sorry; If you've read this far ; thank you :o :(

[A Ray of Hope]

((((Kerrin)))))) Oh sweetie I am so sorry for all you endured at the hands of that man. I am so sorry. I am in tears and weep but I praise God for how He protected you as well. I can't thank you enough for that word of encouragement right now. Especially when I am being pitiful. I know it could be much worse, I just feel pressed on every side- I know the meaning of that verse now for sure! But I won't despair...but dear sister, I am tired.

I am sorry that sharing your testimony left you shaking, please know that it blessed my heart and is urging me on. Oh thank you Lord for this sister who just so willingly shared a part of her soul and life with me- thank you for her testimony of Your faithfulness.

We are such a small town here, and many rural areas, I am afraid to get legal aid that I might not be able to win in a case against him and his sister's money. I guess I shouldnt' be afraid, right?

thank you Kerrin, very much

Kris

btw- I love your verse! It is one of my faves!!!! it really helped me thru my healing from SA.

[Kerrin]

! He also told my son that I have mental issues and that a judge would make him go to him and not me. How dare he put my son in that position

My (ex) did the same ; so the court ordered we ALL see a Forensic Psychologist whih I had to pay for. :mad: That back fired on him though, but I was angry he dragged our 3 year old into it at that point!

the gentleman I spoke with who is going to help me with following thru with this said that early on when certain things were made evident concerning my h's sins, he should have been removed, disciplined and held into account. He kept asking me why didnt' they believe you? over and over- I don't know. I told him all the evidence I had...tons of phone records to her, bills from the porn he ordered, he has going out and drinking and staying out....he didnt' understand why it wasn't taken to the leadership sooner.

I found that keeping ALL those records and especially diaries was absolutly crucial to nailing him!!

anyway, I am hurting today, feel a little defeated and I havent' really felt like that lately. Maybe it was cuz he was here and being hurtful. He told me too that there is a neg amount in the bank...I can't get a job cuz i don't have a car..can't get a car cuz I don't have a job....I just feel tired today, very tired.

((((((Krissy)))))))); I know how that feels too. Rest if you can. I hope you have some female support. I wish I were there I'd take you out for lunch or cook your dinner; or both! Hang in There!

! but he is mad that the system is set up to protect the guilty. That I have to dish out to protect myself from a man who left me, who wants to divorce me but is a coward to go and file. and why would he, he is living foot loose and fancy free.

Even Now it's all over; I still don't understand why I had to /and continue to have to pay to "protect" us!

Oh, and he told my son that he is planning to go to the church we were/are members of. WHy? to prove what? to look good? grrr
We are not going, we are going with a friend to her church. I jsut want to rest in the Lord and feel His presense surround me. I am so tired.

I am sorry for going on and on...I am just going thru so much right now..so many different things..I am trying to rest in the Lord and seek HIm ..but I just feel tired..tired of fighting, ya know? tired of being beat up emotionally by so many. I just want to be held..I miss being held and supported. I'm sorry..I better gothanks for listening[/QUOTE]


I know! I really do!! :(

I pray you get some rest and I 'm so sorry you are hurting so much.

I understand ALL too well the "tiredness', 'tired of fighting', and of just wanting to be held.... *sigh*

God Bless you.......hey? Never be sorry ok??

Love
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

((((kerrin))))) thank you for understanding. I have do have support..but I think they are all tired as well and I feel like a burden. My best friend jsut moved to Georgia, he r h left her too same thing..and 3 female friends are on vacation..I feel like I am burdening ppl sometimes. but they dont' make me feel that way- they are so kind and generous. Butthey don't understand what it is like to be in want, to suffering this way. They are all, except for 2 of my friends, wealthy- very loving but just dont' grasp the fullness of the suffering. They think that if you need something you will just ask- they dont' realise how much you are really doing without. and how humiliating it is at times to ask. I think I ask more than most ppl...but I hate that I have to go to my church- that the deacons don't do enough. A deacon tonight I called told me that he would have to call the elders- the one who abused me- if it is ok if they help me since it is a delicate matter. what?? I am abandoned! how is it delicate?? cuz you think i am lying about his adultery???? why?/ why do churches do this to women?? why???? and they think they are being cautious---guarding God's money the right way. I am in tears cuz I cna't believe that the ppl of God treat the body of believers this way- how doesthe world see us then if we treat our own this way??? May God have mercy on them!

[Kerrin]

Yep Krissy,

I too don't , and probably will NEVER, understand how "men of God" can behave in such a way.
I too pray that God have mercy on them........because they're going to need it!
( And ,yes what does the on-looking world think when they observe us being treated in this way by the Church??)

I too, have "hurt" so much at the lack of support and the seemingly overt support of my ex and his adultery et al.... :confused:

Hence my Avatar: I thought I might be ready to change it , but no; I still feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and is just being kicked along the ground. :confused:

(((Krissy)))), I'm all the way over here; but know that I am crying with you; and if you were here, I would never feel you were a burden.
My light's always on!
And the kettle is always boiling. ;)

Love
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

You are so sweet. Hey I just noticed you are in Australia..taht's where we got this pastor from....it's nice to know that there ARE godly ppl in australia! If y'all want him back...you can have him???? huh??? do ya???? lol- ok just kidding...not really but ok...

I really do pray for mercy on them...and my husband as well. Cuz I would hate to be on the receiving end of God's wrath! I wish that on no one.

[Kerrin]

;) Nah ,You can keep him; we have enough abusive Pastors to go around.

But I have an idea ! You can hand him over to Jerry or Voyager, they like "dealing" with these guys! :D

I know what you mean, I , despite everything ,DO pray that Randy will repent before it's too late.
I dread my own "standing before God" , let alone being in their shoes........I think thats' what helps me to keep going.........God WILL hold them to account!)

(Randy was my husband; a Texan, a good 'ol Southern Baptist boy ; now gone AWOL in Thailand, I think! :rolleyes: )

LOve
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

oh sorry to hear about he southern boy..hmmm I live in the south so I know allllll about that....sorry for that sweetie.

But yes, it does keep you going when you know that they will be called into account. And even more so those who are preaching in the name of Christ.

it seems that we both have 14 yr olds! i have a boy. and he is my joy. He has been so compassionate to me from the beginning. WHen I first was faced with healing from the sexual abuse in Jan ofthis year. thru the memories, pain, flashbacks, depression, SI, lack of compassion from my h , my son would care for me- he would cook me meals, kiss on me and even read me scripture when I couldn't even do that. I have seen his heart open up thru this time. Something my h hasn't seen grow,. I am so proud of my son. just like you are of yours! He has been understanding and nurturing. Imagine that- a teenage boy being loving and compassioante! so sad that ppl don't talk enough about the good kids. Which there are a lot of!

[Kerrin]

OH Krissy,
You don't have to apologise for the "southern" thing.
Truth is, I loved my experience of living and working there.
Randy's family were/are wonderful people who have told me to this day I will always be a part of the family........( I know they mean it.......I know they know the truth!).

And yes, I agree we need to talk more about how great our kids are.

What a boy you have !!! ( That's your doing m'lady! you deserve to be proud! :D )

At the moment ; poor Amy is bewildered as her mum "falls apart" ,she's just not used to it!
( She said "why are you crying mummy? You don't cry, I don't know what to do.." Isn't that awful of me? To do that to her??)
That's my fault . Fortunatly she's at the footy tonight ( Australian rules football), with her best friend and parents, so I can openly despair without her looking on in angst! :o

I'm glad you're here, and we will walk this journey every step of the way with you if you want us.
God Bless you , and I pray you will find a great job and everything else will begin to fall into place.
It's not over yet , but your tough, so you're going to (more than) make it!!

So for now, I pray you've found some peace in sleep. ;)
Goodnight, sister,
Love
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

(((((((((kerrin))))))))))) I did find comfort in sleep- thank you so much for encouraging me last night. I know it is hard for them to see us cry. My son doens't see me cry- I rarely cry- I have been crying lately and it is new for him...but he knows when I am hurting and God always moves him to come to me and hug me or rub my neck to ease the tension. He understands and maybe since he is a boy, he is very angry at his father for betraying his family- he has says there is no reason for any man to do that. None he said. so for that alone he is appalled with him. ANd has told his father so- but he keeps making excues and putting me down, which only will hurt him in the end.
I appreciate your prayers and love....they mean so much. take care.
oh, I am glad you have your in laws support- mine never cared for me. I was never enough for them. They are not too fond of intelligent women who speak up and out.
But I have Christ. I have been going thru this devotional along with my bible study time- an old devo called Streams in the Desert. my dear friend gave it to me before she moved, and it has been such a source of strength and affirmation to me of God's presense even during these times..even more so! and today it kinda talked about how I might not be given the ability to seee so far ahead so that my faith won't be weakened. For me to see just ahead, will keep me firm in my faith, to know that it is Christ who holds me up and trust moment by moment.
Oh, and I don't know if I shouldnt' wrote these sort of things. I didnt' even think that it might be a trigger for anyone. I am terribly sorry if I did.
please tell me how I should do that. I am not being uncompassionate to your hurts, really, I am so sorry if I was by stating my beliefs and jsut what I ahve been doing. Oh, I'm stumbling over my words. sorry! i will shut up now.
take care
Krissy

[Kerrin]

;)
((((((Krissy)))))),
You can post whatever you want.
As far as "triggers" go ? Well yes and No, BUT we all determine what we choose to respond to don't we?

Your post did trigger me , BUT not in a bad way. ;)
I think it's interesting the timing.......seeing as I'm really struggling to make sense of everything at the moment , your post , believe it or not helped me "process" a bit more of my pain, and in fact, validate it!

I was so angry and hurting so badly inside ( I still am), but just being able to share what I have with you and have you relate has eased MY burden tonight (it's late here now; my turn to be tired. LOL).

Amy does find it difficult to know what to do/say when I'm hurting ,and especially if I cry now , because she's not used to that side of me.

Thankyou for sharing about your son; Amy says she hates her father because of what he's done to me :o , (They're protective little things aren't they??) BUT I want to scream "LOOK what he's done to you" (her), he just walked out of her life when she was 8 years old.
It was his turn for Christmas (the worst in my life!!), he dropped her back home and said see you in 2 weeks. :confused:

Two weeks has turned into 5 years! :mad: ( and she hasn't heard a word!)
My heart aches for her so much.........I didn't deserve what he did but she certainly doesn't, not when he was so adoring and loved her so much when they were together! :confused:

As for my in-laws; well they always told me I was too good for him and they would rather I lived with them and he leave the country :) !!!
I figure "they" make up for my own flesh and blood rejecting me. :( :confused:

I'm glad you had some restful sleep; Now it's my turn.

So, just to re-cap You can say whatever you want.,and You are also blessing me; I know I'm not alone.
And I like what you said about God not allowing you to see too far ahead!! ;)

Yes, I like that a lot!! ;)

God Bless,
love
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

((((((((((((((kerrin))))))))))))))))) yes they are protective.

I am very tired today..all weekend actually...I feel like I am being attacked from every side and I wonder if I can make it. I feel trapped and injured and grow more tired with each passing day. Maybe it's because my husband has gained new strength from the leadership that abused me- they are not helping him and he is becoming very controlling and more forceful on me...and what do I do. I feel so alone. I feel so betrayed.

I visited my friend's church today and it was good. A small church plant. Everything felt like it was meant for me. it was encouraging yet sad..we are in a battle and satan is attacking from all sides and boy do i feel it. i also know my shortcomings and I must be aware of them cuz satan will try to get me there.

I jsut am tired of fighting. i want ot run. i want ot hide under a rock until its' over. Please pray that I will be strengthened. I will need it. I have so much to do yet am hampered in so many ways in order to carry it out. so much to think about it is making me sick lately. I am worn out. yet I know i must keep going on. but how?

thank you
Krissy

[Kerrin]

I jsut am tired of fighting. i want ot run. i want ot hide under a rock until its' over. Please pray that I will be strengthened. I will need it. I have so much to do yet am hampered in so many ways in order to carry it out. so much to think about it is making me sick lately. I am worn out. yet I know i must keep going on. but how?

thank you
Krissy[/QUOTE]

Dearest Krissy,

I know ALL too well how you are feeling; I'm glad I do, because I know I can pray, and know WHAT to pray about!/for!
I, too am 'slipping' under pressure for different reasons.
( Although the 'reason' is related to my ex ,so maybe not so different; hmmm) :confused: )

Trying to 'cope' is REALLY hard; and satan knows my weaknesses all too well also!

Fortunatly , I remind myself that I know what happpens at the end of "the Book"!,
but that isn't always comforting when you're just trying to keep your head above water. :(

I think one of the most heart wrenching times ,for me, was when my church were giving him ALL the support he wanted. ( to watch him all puffed up with pride and self righteous indignation!!!)
My family were no suppport either; I remember going to my mothers one day, crying , baby on my hip, and blood pouring down my face ; she looked at me and said "Go home to your husband!" :eek: !

It was like a knife in my heart being twisted slowly!

Amy has left this morning for an overnight stay down on our beautiful western coast with her best friend.
I am glad ,because ,as i've said she is not used to seeing me 'fall apart", so I have 24 hours or so to just do that ; and I have !
I have slept and slept , and tried to sleep away the pain........some would say I am deeply depressed but I know this is a necessary part of my healing.
I will get over it.
This last week has been so emotionally draining, I am JUST plain tired!

Wouldn't it be great to find a cosy rock to crawl under where you could feel safe just for little while.??
Just long enough to re-group, be warm and nourished and rested!
*sigh*
It's tough (more than tough actually), when your dream becomes a seemingly endless nightmare.

I wonder when is it going to end?

What would I do without Amy?? :)

I'm sorry you are hurting so much; I WILL pray for you . Stand tall and keep hanging on to the shreds that you have at the moment; like your friend and their little church........I need to do more of that.........reach out to others I guess ; but it's so hard to know who to trust.

I don't know how to be anything else but ( transparent) me; and I guess that's why I always get hurt.......I don't know.
( You understand that though!) :confused:

Sorry to sound so down and unsupportive today, but KNOW I am holding you in prayer , it helps me too.
Keep us/me posted on how things are going.

Where are you at with the Divorce if I may ask?
Is where you live a small town?

( Just trying to picture your situation a little better........you don't have to answer ,or P.M or whatever suits you ;) ).

God Bless Krissy, I am praying for strength and wisdom for us both; and above all justice!!

Love
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

I think one of the most heart wrenching times ,for me, was when my church were giving him ALL the support he wanted. ( to watch him all puffed up with pride and self righteous indignation!!!)
My family were no suppport either; I remember going to my mothers one day, crying , baby on my hip, and blood pouring down my face ; she looked at me and said "Go home to your husband!" :eek: !

Love
Kerrin ;)[/QUOTE]
Oh I know this all too well. I feel like this is the case with my husband. sigh...but God is sovereign over that as well. The abusive elders are helping him form plans and such and he is very cocky right now. But I KNOW Christ will not be mocked.

as far as the divorce- I gotta wait for cashola to file. I do want to file asap- so I can have temporary support and such. He is not being agreeable so I feel ok with it. I know God can do anything but I feel like his betrayal is too much...and I know he doesn't love me, so I do want this over with.

My brother is sending me the money, thankfully.
Oh, I do live in a small town, so in order for me to get around, without a car to find things, resources, its a big deal. sigh....resting in Christ for this as well.

I think rest is good! I feel better today than I have all weekend. I was pretty spent these past few days. I have been reminded by the Word that God is in control here, not my husband, not me..but the Almighty. So, for now, I rest!

I am sorry you are down as well. But maybe you need to release the sadness, esp since your daughter is gone now, you can..and heal it and regroup and do all that you need to do..being refreshed.

I will continue to pray for you.

take care, Love
krissy

[Kerrin]

(((((((Krissy))))))))),
You are right!
God has a reason for everything , even using our bad experiences for "good" , although it's SO hard to see sometimes!

I needed to "veg" out over the week-end, and while it has /is painful, you (and some others here) are encouraging me NOT to give up!

I have a job interview tomorrow! :eek:
Despite all that is going on, especially with my health (scare) at the minute......I need to pick myself up and move forward!

It isn't easy........and only God knows how hard it is. :(

I have searched everywhere for some time now for a book from women ( or a woman ) ,going through what we are!
I have only found one that comes close to understanding the depth of despair and grief and lonliness we feel........all the others are by women who "praise the Lord" ,and "he is faithful and Just...", "He is my Husband and providor now".....!! :mad: Blah, Blah, Blah......

I've only read ONE book where it 'seemingly' was ok to scream out the pain and explicitly detail our feelings as real and worthy of acknowledgment! :( :confused:

THAT kind of emotion I know God understands!

I just hate ALL the platitudes about it will be ok etc etc... Duh! :rolleyes:

Women ,especially have these things called "emotions" that take on a life of their own at times........ :o

Sorry, I just wish there were some REAL self-help books out there about people like us! :( :o

I'll get off my soap box! :o

Blessings Krissy, and I am praying for you; and seeing as I slept little last night , I threw in a few extra! :) ;)

Love
Kerrin ;)

[A Ray of Hope]

Well, I have been thinking of you Kerrin, I hope it goes well in your interview- and it will, you are a remarkable lady! They would be crazy to not see that! :)

I have cried and cried today. :( but it was ok, I cried when I needed to- which I rarely have felt the depth of pain in my life before-and thus have been numb. So these past months of growing, it is :"good " to be in touch with that part of myself to know that it is ok to cry. To not think it is a sign of weakness.

well, I am afraid to say anything now for fear that my husband or abusive family will catch wind of something and hold it against me. So I think I will not be posting much detail..sigh...I dunno- makes me sad but I just gotta let things die down or wait till I get this attorney before I do anything or say anything. There is so much he is doing right now I can't believe he would do it to his son! :mad: :(

Thank you all for thinking of me and please keep praying for me. take care
Kris

[secrethopes]

I have been up since 3 am hurting from last nights mtg that I had to speak before the elders and tell them how I have been treated only to have the same elder who was abusive to me do it again!

Hi Krissy. I would strongly encourage you to not meet with these people again. We have friends who felt responsible to reconcile and met with the leadership at the church we left and the longer they agreed to meet, the worse it got. If you do feel the need to meet with them again, insist on bringing two witnesses with you. Often this results in their decision not to meet. It would most likely be best just to move on as it seems you've decided. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Forgiveness and love are free, but trust is earned. God gave us the verse from when Jesus spoke to His disciples: If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town (Matthew 10:14).

[Scooter]

Hi, Krissy. Welcome to the forum!

Please don't ever feel bad to let out your feelings and share your experience. That's what we've all come here to do. My heart is just so sad that you're dealing with this and are not finding much support from the church leaders. If I could, I'd be there to help you. :) I can't imagine how tired and overwhelmed you're feeling.

It's frustrating to see the enormous expense of lawyers and legal battles. In my job, I'm sometimes involved in coordinating court ordered child custody evaluations or evaluations that are done simply to argue the other side's report. It can be disgusting to see the financial strain this places on people who don't have the resources, especially when a lawyer or a psychologist is incompetent and they have to do everything all over again.

It sounds like you really thought about the kind of legal representation you want, which I think is a good thing. I don't know much, but if things ever get to a custody situation, you're welcome to ask if I have any helpful information.

(((((Big hugs)))))) I hope you have some peace and encouragement through this tough time.

[iprenegade]

Well as a guy Ille say this . Read proverbs 31:10 . That to me does not sound like the subserviant women that some of these dinosaurs claim women should be .

Second . Your ( and i shudder to call him this ) husband is as responsible to take care of All YOUR NEEDS as you are to his . Last time i checked the book marriage was a covenant. Meaning both ways . SO when one doesnt hold up their end of the bargain and despicably violates it and doesnt seek to provide for ALL your needs for the sake of your well being on this earth than that is grounds for divorce . DO IT !

It sounds like you have a very decent man in your corner , a gentlemen , I am reffering to your brother . I am thankful for that .

But in regards to your leadership and husband ; hold them to full account and give no quarter to them . God has set up the authority on this earth for that reason . You have sought peace and they refused . The misfortune about to befall them is not your doing but theirs . I am furiouse at reading what happened to you .

[iprenegade]

[QUOTE] SO when one doesnt hold up their end of the bargain and despicably violates it and doesnt seek to provide for ALL your needs for the sake of your well being on this earth than that is grounds for divorce . DO IT !
[QUOTE]


My appologies for this . It sounded a little harsh . What I am trying to do is encourage you to do what you have every right to do free of any guilt . The decision , in my opinion ,according to God, is in your hands . It souned like I was barking at you to do some thing and that would be last thing I would want to be conveyed . I am sorry .