What did I do now?

[yahshea]

Ok. I said I was sorry and ment no harm. I said it publicly and privately. I explained the name yahshea and I told a fraction of the story. I changed the name and took out the minister for all that found it a threat. I have done my best to make everyone feel compfortable here in these forums with me to the point of ignoring my feelings and what I have gone through and do go through on a daily basis. After reading your remarks and concerns and the way most but not all of you look at things I too could conclude that I have been abuse again here in this forum. I have had to change everything I know and granted there does need to be changes but when does it stop. You are saying things that sound very familure to me now. I had to win your approval just to remain. I had to humble my self to be accepted here. I had to explain myself and proclaim that I was wrong and that you all were right to because you must be worse of than me and i am the new guy so you showed me the error of my ways and for the most part I have been accepted and now we go on to healing and recovery. The ones that are still angry over this whole mess say they won't be abused again and they won't be silent. I could say the same. I refuse to let you assume to tell me I am so wrog and you know whats best for me because you were here first. I could have my own venting moment and say a lot of things but that would do you or me no good what so ever. God forbid I use a scripture here for the fear of someone else getting offended or triggered or anything else you want to call it. How about this. I will do the only thing I know to do and trust in God and His Holy word. I don't need to be validated by anyone. I am loved perfectly by Him and through Him and the love Jesus has always shown me I will be healed with you or without you. It would be far better to have a family of brothers and sisters to tell your troubles to and get through the dark times but I have always had my Lord and He alone listens and loves me no matter how I screw up and boy I screw up big time but I am still loved by God. Some will read this and say see I told you he was an abuser, others may say good for you , you spoke your mind but guess what, if I hurt my brothers and sisters just because I need to vent and cause them to stumble and fall then I feel a hundred times worse. So don't look at this as venting because believe it or not I will survive. I can't tell you what to do nor will I try but if you have the right to respond with such disdain for a post I wrote the first time I was here, then I too should have the same right. the truth is after this I will be lucky to work up the guts to come back and read what you say. The pain of what I went through was enough. YOu all know my email addy and if not here it is newliferestoration@sbcglobal.net You feel the need to let me have then do so. post a hundred more on how I triggered you into depresion or what ever it causes. I am not God. I am just a man. One that wanted help and wanted to help. I will leave that to the Holy Spirit. I do wish you well and that you get what you need. I only know the word of God for myself and I must do what it says, past that I know nothing. peace and mercy and grace be apon you all. :(

[Hesed]

Mike, I don't know if you're reading this...

A friend of mine was physically (not sexually) abused by her first husband. When she was healed of the consequences of that abuse, she wanted to help other women who were being physically abused by their husbands. She told me that she soon realised that not everyone reacted the same way that she did and that what worked for her didn't necessarily work for other people.

She said that the greatest gift that she could give these women was just to be there for them and listen to them.

[Kerrin]

I wasn't going to respond to your post.
You have said many things openly and privately.

One thing you said that I do agree with, is you need help.

I'm pleased that you believe the Lord loves you for who you are.

He also loves me.

I am not a malicious person. I have cried a "bucket " today and that hurt ,but God heard my tears and I thank Him for that !
I won't be manipulated again in my life if I can help it, and you ,sir have done that very cleverly.

To the point ,that I was accused of becoming the "abuser" here on this Forum.
(Took me back to the time a Police Officer ,after arresting my husband for trying to kill me, asked "what had I done to make him do that??")

I am a survivor of abuse in all it's forms.

I don't abuse other's.

(In one of the P.M's you sent me you implied many things including YOU could help me...........you're timing is interesting , who will figure it out next , I wonder??)

I feel sorry for you. You do need more help than you realise .

You claim to be equiped to "help" others. I think by your own admission, you will see you are a long way from being equiped to help an abused person.
I don't doubt you have experiences to share; compassion to offer but as for understanding the depths of abuse ,you need to do some more homework.


So, I won't leave my friends ,nor should you go either.
I will just use my "ignore button" ,I guess that's what it's for.

Kerrin

[molehills]

Ok. I said I was sorry and ment no harm. I said it publicly and privately. I explained the name yahshea and I told a fraction of the story. I changed the name and took out the minister for all that found it a threat. I have done my best to make everyone feel compfortable here in these forums with me to the point of ignoring my feelings and what I have gone through and do go through on a daily basis. After reading your remarks and concerns and the way most but not all of you look at things I too could conclude that I have been abuse again here in this forum. I have had to change everything I know and granted there does need to be changes but when does it stop. You are saying things that sound very familure to me now. I had to win your approval just to remain. I had to humble my self to be accepted here. I had to explain myself and proclaim that I was wrong and that you all were right to because you must be worse of than me and i am the new guy so you showed me the error of my ways and for the most part I have been accepted and now we go on to healing and recovery. The ones that are still angry over this whole mess say they won't be abused again and they won't be silent. I could say the same. I refuse to let you assume to tell me I am so wrog and you know whats best for me because you were here first. I could have my own venting moment and say a lot of things but that would do you or me no good what so ever. God forbid I use a scripture here for the fear of someone else getting offended or triggered or anything else you want to call it. How about this. I will do the only thing I know to do and trust in God and His Holy word. I don't need to be validated by anyone. I am loved perfectly by Him and through Him and the love Jesus has always shown me I will be healed with you or without you. It would be far better to have a family of brothers and sisters to tell your troubles to and get through the dark times but I have always had my Lord and He alone listens and loves me no matter how I screw up and boy I screw up big time but I am still loved by God. Some will read this and say see I told you he was an abuser, others may say good for you , you spoke your mind but guess what, if I hurt my brothers and sisters just because I need to vent and cause them to stumble and fall then I feel a hundred times worse. So don't look at this as venting because believe it or not I will survive. I can't tell you what to do nor will I try but if you have the right to respond with such disdain for a post I wrote the first time I was here, then I too should have the same right. the truth is after this I will be lucky to work up the guts to come back and read what you say. The pain of what I went through was enough. YOu all know my email addy and if not here it is newliferestoration@sbcglobal.net You feel the need to let me have then do so. post a hundred more on how I triggered you into depresion or what ever it causes. I am not God. I am just a man. One that wanted help and wanted to help. I will leave that to the Holy Spirit. I do wish you well and that you get what you need. I only know the word of God for myself and I must do what it says, past that I know nothing. peace and mercy and grace be apon you all. :(



Way to stand up for yourself! There is a "No Cross Talk forum" where you can post whatever you need or want to and no one is allowed to reply. That's where everyone posts whatever they need to vent--and I mean whatever. You can vent away and it doesn't count against you. Don't give up, you're doing fine.

[molehills]

I am not a malicious person. I have cried a "bucket " today and that hurt ,but God heard my tears and I thank Him for that !
I won't be manipulated again in my life if I can help it, and you ,sir have done that very cleverly.


I am a survivor of abuse in all it's forms.

I don't abuse other's.


So, I won't leave my friends ,nor should you go either.
I will just use my "ignore button" ,I guess that's what it's for.

Kerrin


You're important to me Kerrin. I'm really glad you're staying. I think you have a lot to offer all of us, including Mike. You are a very valuable person on this forum.

[Florence]

Mike,
Very well said. You are right. I commend you for writing the truth about what you have experienced here.

I looked around at what has been posted since your apologies, story, etc., and didn't see much that was personally attacking, so I am assuming (please tell me if I'm wrong or if I'm missing something in some of the posts in some of the threads) that most of this is coming at you in the form of PM's.

As you may have seen, even I, who have been around here for a while now, was attacked because I took the risk of trying to remind people that they should be very careful about how they express their anger because it can be so very hurtful.

I realize, and you do too, that people on this forum have been ripped apart and can barely hold it together some days - I have the t-shirt, too. And I have ripped others apart over the years as I screamed and kicked and cried my way to some kind of sanity.

Unfortunately, some people are so torn up that they are like a wounded animal that will attack even the most caring and helping gesture. Sometimes it hurts when wounds need to be cleaned and dressed, and we don't want to go through the pain even though in the end it will help to bring about healing. So, people, like that wounded animal, will snarl and bite and run and hide (I have been told I am now blocked by a person who didn't like a post I wrote in support of you and Hesed).

I commend you for standing up to those who in their woundedness believe they have a "right" to attack. I always thought the "Christian Recovery Forum" meant that we could expect a little bit of "Christlikeness" on the forum. (And, yes, I know Jesus turned over tables in the temple and blasted the Pharisees, but he told us that the best thing we could do is to love God and love one another.)

I am bowled over by some of the responses I have seen since your initial post. And I am amazed that you so readily responded with grace and seeking forgiveness and reconciliation while several who have been here a little or a long while now have not once said, "Gee, I was a little extreme, too. I'm sorry I was hurtful as well."

Oh, they may have now welcomed you to the forum and said they are giving you a fresh start - but when are they going to ask YOU for forgiveness and a fresh start?

The way I see it, you have responded well - better in fact that anyone I have ever seen before on this forum, and believe me, I have seen several be attacked just as you were. So, to answer your question, unless there is something going on in PM's that I don't know about, you haven't done anything wrong.

Please don't look for what you might have done for this to continue. It's not your problem if you know in your heart that your intentions were pure and you have done all that you can to rectify the situation - and from where I'm sitting you have done just that. As I alluded to in another post which brought on a vicious response, there are people in this world who go around looking for things to criticize and blame and be angry about. One such person apparently has made the same decision to see me in the same way she sees you. That's her choice and I'm not going to let it bother me. I am a very caring, loving, God-honoring person and if someone wants to hate me or ignore me, it's their loss. (Personally, I think they simply don't want to face the truth of what is being said and so they lash out and make the person the problem for pointing out the problem. This is a major sign of abuse.)

Well, I've gone on far too long, but I want you to know that I commend and support you in what you have posted even if it gets me blocked by everybody on the forum.

Blessings to you Mike,
Florence

[Voyager]

Way to go Mikey! Let 'er rip bro!

Just don't tell me what I should do, and you won't hear any flack from me.

:cool:

[Voyager]

I can't tell you what to do nor will I try...
As long as you don't do that, you probably won't catch any heat from anyone here. Most of the people here are very defensive when it comes to someone wanting to minister to them or tell them what to do spiritually.

:cool:

[Voyager]

Florence,

I see your post as a condemning correction to the whole forum. You are not speaking out of your own experience. You are using your words to chastise everyone. You referred to us all as animals. I do not appreciate that at all.

No one has the right to correct anyone here. That's how this whole controversy got started to begin with - someone tried to correct all of us spiritually. I am going to bow out until this religious hailstorm blows over. I have been through this crap before here, and it's not worth wasting my breath over. Every time something like this happens, it splits the whole forum down the middle like a bad church split.

If this forum isn't what you want, you can't make it something else. That's how this stuff happens. Someone wants to change and/or correct the forum. The next thing you know, people on both sides start arguing and the crapola hits the fan. Sorry, but I am not going to be downwind of that crap anymore - I've been hit in the face with it too many times. Deja vu.

No one "owes" anyone anything here. We all need to just do what the forum is here for:

1. Speaking out of our own experience, pains, and hurts (like Mike did at the start of this post).

2. Supporting and caring for each other.

Nothing more is required.

:cool:

[Florence]

Florence,

I see your post as a condemning correction to the whole forum. You are not speaking out of your own experience. No, Voyager, I am not condemning the whole forum, in fact, pointing out from the beginning that I don't see from what has been posted recently that Mike continues to be attacked. And yes, I am speaking from my own experience - both in the way that I have treated others and the way I have been treated right here on this forum and over the past 25 years in churches. Why is it okay for others to point out when they think something is out of line or overboard and others of us can't? I didn't expect that from you, Voyager.

You are using your words to chastise everyone. You referred to us all as animals. I do not appreciate that at all.No, I didn't refer to you as animals. I simply used a word picture to illustrate and explain to Mike that people's reactions are understandable even though they are often hurting themselves and others. Once again, what I said and what you decided to read into it are two different things.

No one has the right to correct anyone here. So, you're not trying to correct me with this post? Hmmm . . .

I have been through this crap before here, and it's not worth wasting my breath over. Every time something like this happens, it splits the whole forum down the middle like a bad church split.
There seems to be a common denominator here . . .

If this forum isn't what you want, you can't make it something else. I think you're afraid that it might become something that you don't want. Who's really trying to do the changing?


No one "owes" anyone anything here. I wonder if Mike would say that he didn't "owe" anyone an apology for his initial post?

We all need to just do what the forum is here for:

1. Speaking out of our own experience, pains, and hurts (like Mike did at the start of this post). And I have done as well and gotten blasted for it. Like now.

2. Supporting and caring for each other. Which is exactly what I have done - and gotten blasted for it.

Nothing more is required. Really?
:cool:

I'm sorry to have upset you, Voyager. As I said, I wouldn't have expected this from you. We used to be friends. I thought perhaps you knew a little bit of my heart. While it nearly always disappoints me when people decide to leave the forum because they sense rejection, one of the things that you have helped me to understand through the past 10 months is that I shouldn't be in a place where I am unwanted. Those who are newer here I would not be so sensitive toward, but those who know me better and read hate instead of heart into my posts have made their wishes clear.

Thank you, Voyager, for all the times you supported and encouraged me and helped me to move forward in my healing. I will miss that.

Florence

[Voyager]

We used to be friends.
As far as I am concerned Florence, we are still the best of friends. I listened to you vent, and I vented back. That's okay to do between friends. I didn't mean to hurt you, but sometimes friends do hurt each other. That doesn't mean we have to quit being friends.

I, too, appreciate your friendship very much - and your participation on this forum. You have brought a lot of support, compassion, and warmth here, and I sure hope that it continues.

:p

[Doug64]

Since I went to Mike's site and suggested on his forum that he come back and apologize for the way his first post was taken, I feel I should post here regarding the apparent controversy.

I have observed that whenever anyone comes on the forum and begins offering 'advice' that they usually get blasted. Perhaps a better approach would be to explain to the newbie that many here are triggered by such an approach and that we try to forewarn about triggers such as scripture quotations. That probably would have avoided the current brewhaha.

I'll now read some more and find out what all the furor is about since my last visit.

It seems that Mike is sincere but said some things which triggered several.

Doug

[jane]

Mike,
I was going back and forth trying to decide if I want to answer this; if it is a good thing to answer this and so on. I am going to give it my best shot.


The ones that are still angry over this whole mess say they won't be abused again and they won't be silent.


I believe that I am one of the people who said this. I don't know how to save this and go back to my post so there will be another post coming only because I am new to computers...



I could say the same. I refuse to let you assume to tell me I am so wrog and you know whats best for me because you were here first.



Again, I have to go back to my post to answer you.

God forbid I use a scripture here for the fear of someone else getting offended or triggered or anything else you want to call it.

This one I can answer now :o .

Regarding this; I use scripture, I refer to scripture. It is my understanding that we can use scripture as long as we post that scriptures are coming to help warn the people who may not want to read it. Someone that has more familiarity with the rules can correct me here if I am wrong. I personally think it is wrong to use scripture in ways that belittle or control others... or try to manipulate them. Some times scriptures are used like a baseball bat to someone's head.

I can't tell you what to do nor will I try but if you have the right to respond with such disdain for a post I wrote the first time I was here, then I too should have the same right.

You technically have the right to post whatever you want (except spam?) Like the people who respond have the right to post back what ever they want.


Jane

[jane]

Here is my response to the first quote on my previous post.



I am still angry. Period.



How is it that someone comes onto this thread as a minister in bold capital letters, tells us how to heal, what to do....now he has apologized, told us his story and the people who "reacted" are feeling like they need to apologize or leave???? They are the ones PMing him, making him feel better....

People do things that tick people off. I don't care what anyone says contrary. I don't like seeing others who have been abused fall into patterns of feeling like they are a "bad girl" or "broke rules" for standing up for themselves. Period.

I don't like seeing them or myself second guess myself when arrows come against us....old arrows or new. Telling us that maybe he is wrong, maybe his intentions are wrong, but YOU ARE WRONG FOR FIGHTING BACK>

That is what I am reading.

I don't like reading posts that tell people who are angry that there is always someone who is looking to get angry for any little reason....

Mike's initial post was not a little reason. There was reason for us to stand up and question it, period. Not because I was abused before, not because I am "new to recovery" and haven't arrived yet and certainly not because I go looking for any reason to be angry.

I was angry because he came in here arrogant, assuming, directive and with a LARGE TITLE.

He apologized, I can get over it.

But I refuse to get let these other issues be swept under the rug without my speaking up. Inuendos, accusations and hurts that I am seeing--- is not something that I am going to "get over"; not without me speaking up.

Kerrin, Butterfly, Jerry, Voyager, Janice and to anyone else who Responded, reacted, etc......IT IS OK FOR YOU TO DO SO>>>>




and if anyone won't listen to your voice then in the words of a very wise man, pass them the salt!

Jane



I am going to try to answer my last post. First, I did write in my speech about still being angry:


He apologized, I can get over it.



I also wrote:
I was angry because he came


The word "was" is to reflect past tense.


The reason that I brought up in this post all the reasons that I was angry was to illustrate that I felt there was a valid reason for our response to your intial post.

This post was discussing the other things going on in the forum; the "fall out" if you would.

This was not asking you to change any of your ways to please me. This was not even an attack directed at you.

My whole intent of this post was simply and honestly:

But I refuse to get let these other issues be swept under the rug without my speaking up. Inuendos, accusations and hurts that I am seeing--- is not something that I am going to "get over"; not without me speaking up.


Please make notice of the reference to "other issues" and simply my need to speak up.

Jane

[jane]

Why don't you start over, introduce yourself and tell us why YOU ARE HERE????

this was at the end of my first response to you. It was not a directive to change your ways--but an invitation to come back and try again.

Perhaps there is a subtle indication that you need to come back in the "right way"; I don't know. Was it telling you, "i've been here and you have to conform to our rules"? I don't think so.

I think people posted netiquette and other things telling you and all of us ways to help us all see each other's point. I don't think it was directed only at you, at least that is not what I am reading.



I think I wrote, "ask me first if you want to pray for me" to establish a boundary of what I am comptfortable in our dialogue. I am not against praying nor am I against being asked if I can be prayed for.

It has been my experience that often people will "pray for you" meaning they want you to change to their ways...and honestly your first post had a lot of "my way" about it.

You've apologized;
I'm over it.

Jane

[jane]

I could say the same. I refuse to let you assume to tell me I am so wrog and you know whats best for me because you were here first.


I don't believe that I said anything to you to tell you what is best for you, so I can't speak to this. There have been a lot of posts on this topic, so if you find something that I wrote that did this, please feel free to post it. It is taking a lot of time looking through all of them to be certain.


I told you things like (not quoting exactly) "I'll use the title minister Jane to give credibility...."

I don't think I told you to drop the title. I illustrated the feelings behind reading MINISTER MIKE in HUGE capitol letters at the bottom of your page.

I did not like being told how to recover, to go to a church and so forth---said this enough times already.

I have said that I have let it go.

Jane

[jane]

I just came on and unfortunately have to leave to pick up my child from preschool.


Let me say this,
I am grateful that you came back here. I am grateful for your apology and accept it. You are welcome here. It is for all of us, we have different experiences and different paths that we are on. It is in these differences that I find wisdom, love and healing.

In your recent post you said that you were surprised that people who don't like to be hurt are willing to hurt.......

If you have read through my posts you would see that I really felt like it was a reaction of mine that was lifesaving. I really felt like your post was an attack- the words you used were hauntingly similar to others who have had the answers for my life. Anger is not an easy issue for those of us who were taught not to be angry.

I think it does say something about your character to come back, apologize and drop the title. \

As far as I am concerned, it is forgiven, over and we can start new.

I have also heard others use minister who aren't pastors.... I applaud your effort to reach out to the hurting.

Welcome, and I too apologize for the level of harshness of my words.

when you feel able, why don't you share your story>?


Jane__________________




I posted this on June 13th.


FYI:

Welcome, and I too apologize for the level of harshness of my words.



I honestly do not know what more to say. For myself; this has been an exhauting and emotional issue. I am not going to beg anyone to stay. I am not going to do more than apologize. I am not going to play anyone's games--- I am not accusing not even subtly anyone-- but I feel like I am in the middle of a terrible head game.


I think a lot of our confusion is that there are many threads in many areas relating to this whole thing and people (including myself) are not reading all the response through.

I myself can not wait for this to be a dead topic and we can all move back into the healing stages.

Jane

Jane

[jane]

YOu all know my email addy and if not here it is newliferestoration@sbcglobal.net

I am telling you my opinion. This makes me feel uncomptfortable. I have personally tried to type everything in the open, good, indifferent, and ugly. I will not be writing to you at your email. I will continue to post here on the forum as I have for the past 4 months.

Often (and I am not accusing you) it is the case with people who spiritually abuse or "control" others; they lure them into a one on one situation.



I remember a time:

I had just lost my first baby to a miscarriage. I was camping at a christian- family campground. There was a man and his wife with their 5 children living at the campground. He was a self proclaimed prophet of God. He had no followers but he was a preacher.

Anyway, I was crying and alone, attempting to heal from the recent loss.

He pulled me aside, away from everyone, and "prophesied over me". He basically said albeit in the form of prayer to our God, that I lost the baby because of eating wrong foods... he quoted an old testament verse about, "my people perish for lack of understanding" and went on to tell me that I was eating bad foods. Apparently he follows old testament dietary laws with some new additions of healthy organic eating. Whether he was right or wrong, I was devasted. The message from God was, "I KILLED MY BABY".

When I was mortified and tried to question what he was saying; he was patronizing in his attempts to pacify me; he even rubbed the top of my head like one would to comptfort a toddler!

"it's ok hun, you didn't know. but now you know right from wrong. God doesn't judge us as harshly for sins we unknowingly committ. His forgiveness covers even this....."

Long story short. My deacon was there and my husband. They went up to him with me. We told him that he was to never again prophesy without my husband present-- minimum -- and preferably to do it in front of others; in the open so that there is confirmation and agreement that it is a word from God. Needless to add; he felt he needed no confirmation from man that he could/could not hear from God.


I have found by this experience and a few others that it is "safer" for me not to be lured into someone else's private corner-- or engage in PMs that pertain to conversations already in the open.


Just another one of my many opinions.

Jane

p.s. I am also not comptfortable with people referring to PMs that we are not able to see. It leaves unsaid inuendos for us to "fill in the blanks." I am only willing to speak on things that I can see and read.

[jane]

i am the new guy so you showed me the error of my ways and for


MANY people have recently come here, even since I joined only 4 months ago. I was welcomed with incredible love and encouragement. I have watched everyone else be welcomed with the same.

There is no pattern here on this forum of beating up the new guy to get him to humble himself and conform. I have seen no such tactic on this forum- I know what you speak of as I have seen it in some churches-- but not here.


Jane

[jane]

I want to thank everyone on this forum for allowing me to post as many times as I have and no one has attacked me for having too much to say. Getting it on the post has helped me get it out of my head...

and I think this is all that I have left to say on this matter, now I can go back to my gardening and caring for my children.

Love you all,

Jane

[joemama]

jane, this has nothing to do with the whole minister mike thing (I guess I missed a doozy while I was out) --My sister almost lost her first baby and was close to death when she was diagnosed with a rare form of toxemia that is hard to detect. When she was finally diagnosed, they took the baby and she was in critical condition for a while.After all of this people in church and her abusive husband told her that it was because she didn't eat enough--or that she ate the wrong things.Her husband went so far as to angrily accuse her of almost killing their baby. The gynecologist told her that toxemia has nothing to do with any of that after she began to cry in his office. PEOPLE ARE SICK SICK SICK.

[jane]

Toxemia is a horrible disease that has nothing to do with diet. Wow how mean and hateful!

With my last child I had gestational diabetes. I followed their diet to a tee...I was scared for the baby. My sugars were still crazy so I had to go on insulin. Someone said to me, you must have ate a lot of junk.... my husband (who really is my best friend) spoke up; helped me and everything. Gestational diabetes isn't even the same disease as diabetes- it has more to do with the placenta.

Anyway, I am sorry about your sister. How is she now? Still married to him?

[Satscout]

Gestational diabetes isn't even the same disease as diabetes- it has more to do with the placenta.

In school we learned the "rule of threes" with regard to gestational diabetes - about a third of them never had diabetic problems again, about a third had recurrent gestational diabetes (with future pregnancies), and about a third progressed to diabetes that lasted beyond the gestation. Just goes to show how profound an effect pregnancy can have on a woman's body...

[joemama]

The baby is now 6 yr.s old-my sister divorced the first husband and left the church.That whole era was a nightmare and I can't seem to get over it (how everyone supported the husband,covered for him etc.) then when she finally left everyone talked about how bad he was(to her) but then they would blame her (like if she was giving him what he wanted he would have stayed home). Everyone is so totally pschizophrenic.I think it's because they can't let themselves think. If they could ,then they could say "If a person does bad things and hurts people all the time then he is not a nice person" . This is what they do instead"If a person does bad things and hurts people all the time(and he's been a member for a long time) then he is"struggling" and we need to help him--maybe let him be the leader of a care group-where he can lead others." :confused:

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, I cannot imagine.

......But then ,I know you only asked me about how they were doing and not for a synopsis of my psychosis.---Help! I can't stop myself! :o
Your friend ,Carolyn

[jane]

I love your synopsis....your poor sister. I am glad that she left him. It distresses me to see women in abusive situations but trying their best with everything they got to keep it going. I have learned from my first marriage that it just doesn't change. We can't change anyone else....

I also know how difficult it is to be a single parent in the christian community. I was one for over 10 years.

I would be so stressed at hearing the "christian right" on the radio talk about statistics of "broken homes". Then in church I heard it from the pulpit. Then married couples wouldn't invite me to dinner ( I was a woman who knew what sex was and young-- that made me dangerous. You can't imagine how many times I wanted to scream, "I don't want your old ugly husband hehehe). The singles didn't have much in common with me because well, they didn't have the same responsibilities. I was divorced by 21 so I was pretty young. At the time I created a single parents ministry at my church. Seemed like it became a "bashing ground" for ex husbands. I honestly had moved on from "hating my ex" and wanted a place to be a parent as a single and do fun family things....I closed it up after a year of it just going from bad to worse. I couldn't do it anymore- it made me stressed out.

I remember mostly the incredible ache and pain to be married. To love and be loved and to be a "whole" family.

Now I am married with two more children. I invite single parents over as often as I can. I don't "minister" to them- I become their friends- if it works that way. I hated being everyone's ministery as a poor single parent. I felt like Polyanna- everyone wanted to minister to be and make me into their image. :p



anyway, now who is rambling???

Jane

[joemama]

Jane, I am having one of my mornings--where I repeat everything over in my mind.I think sometimes that it is all my fault that I can't get over it all but then I think that maybe --just maybe-God led me here so I could try to get over it.I appreciate yours and everyone else's help-joemama

[jane]

I hate mornings like that. That is exactly what I meant when I wrote all those things on this post and said that I had to get them out of my head.

It is hard. I keep going back to things over and over to see where they went "off" or if it was always like that--- to see if I could have seen it sooner- done things different-- and of course; to make sure that they really were abusive and I am not insane...

(((hugs to you)))

Jane