things getting better

[bad girl]

I've been out for a while on vacation, missed the forum.

Had a good thing happen. I talked for several hours to this friend who had also left the church and it was so healing. I feel much better about things now. I was nervous about calling her, but she was so gracious and walked me through every detail. I told her of unrelated things that happened two years ago and she said that would have had her out the door.

Also, I got brave and attended sunday school and church at the one where I am now on a worship team. I have never seen such a compassionate gentle, noncontrolling group, but I am still so scared . I think Im scared because I am afraid I really am bad and that these nice people will end up with a troublemaker on their hands. This is because the church at the end treated me like I was a threat. I keep thinking, they don't really want me, I'm just trouble. All indications are, though that they really treasure my participation on the worship team. Worship was so neat today, at one moment, I felt as though I could reach out and touch the spirit.

I am learning something, though, that the Lord wants us to have peace in our lives and he doesn't lay a heavy burden on us. If we feel burdened, it is not of the Lord. I am learning that life doesn't have to be so hard. :)
Pat

[Kerrin]

:)
(((((((Pat)))))))),
You're are so brave!

I don't think you will ever be seen as a burden or "trouble maker" ,You NEVER were!

Keep fighting the Good fight,
Love
Kerrin ;)

[Katie]

Dumping the old labels is a really important part of the healing process for me.

I find that I have to challenge my thinking when I am afraid that what they said about me is true.

Just because they said I am bad or a troublemaker doesn't mean it's true. They were wrong.

I often give myself little pep talk reminders that I am not the person they claimed I was. I will not wear their label.

[jane]

It was easier for me to see the lunacy in the labels when someone that I valued was persecuted.

She was the head of all intecessory, a real sweet heart. She loved the Lord, it was apparent to me in every thing that she did. She left the church, about 3 months before me. This was after 8 years of consistent faithfullness- and making it into core leadership. A really difficult thing to do if you are not blood related.

so, she left. All of sudden the very leadership of our church that trusted her enough to be "core leadership" and loved her.....spoke of her as being "emotionally unbalanced." They said she was "too emotional" and had difficulty planting into a church. They said that because of issues that she would not let God resolve, she was a church bouncer. . .they knew this all along, it was just a matter of time.

So that was the rhetoric given of a committed, faithful, core leader of over 8 years. People would actually forget that she was there for 8 years. I remember telling my husband, "well, if they made her look insane, how much more us? Get ready to jump off the cliff together..."

Jane

[molehills]

I feel really guilty because I left so quietly they actually said nice things about us. I feel like I cheated. I feel like I lied.

:(

[Kerrin]

It was easier for me to see the lunacy in the labels when someone that I valued was persecuted.

She was the head of all intecessory, a real sweet heart. She loved the Lord, it was apparent to me in every thing that she did. She left the church, about 3 months before me. This was after 8 years of consistent faithfullness- and making it into core leadership. A really difficult thing to do if you are not blood related.

so, she left. All of sudden the very leadership of our church that trusted her enough to be "core leadership" and loved her.....spoke of her as being "emotionally unbalanced." They said she was "too emotional" and had difficulty planting into a church. They said that because of issues that she would not let God resolve, she was a church bouncer. . .they knew this all along, it was just a matter of time.

So that was the rhetoric given of a committed, faithful, core leader of over 8 years. People would actually forget that she was there for 8 years. I remember telling my husband, "well, if they made her look insane, how much more us? Get ready to jump off the cliff together..."

Jane

JANE, :eek: :(

I was head of our Church Intercessory team, and On the City intercession council!
These were the kinds of things said about me by the Vicar until I just slowly "faded" into the background...........
The hours I spent in prayer..........only God will know...*Tears* :( :(

I have such a heart to pray for other's .........I ache to do that!
I won't be around much more ; NOT after comments on the other Forum.
I , once again ,am misunderstood!! :confused:

It seems like just because you're "passionate", and "emotional" (whatever that means).........you're not in control :(

*Tears*
Bye
Kerrin

[bad girl]

Thanks for all your replies. They were helpful.

Today, I opened up to someone I had been with on the praise team. I finally told her since I see her a lot. Her husband is on it also. She was so sympathetic and understanding. She said she totally supported my leaving under the circumstances.
I felt so much better, though I felt like I had done a "bad" thing by telling her (there go the labels again! :eek: ). I thought, what if they leave or tell others, it will be my fault. I have to remember, gossip is one thing, but I don't think I have to go to extremes to hide the truth. I figure I have nothing to lose now.

Part of why I put this thread out there is that I think that I have been trying to protect them by covering for them. It could cause problems and hurt God's church, . I am also wondering if others have connected with people that were or are actually still in the church and was it helpful.

Pat

[Jerry]

I won't be around much more ; NOT after comments on the other Forum.
I , once again ,am misunderstood!! :confused:

It seems like just because you're "passionate", and "emotional" (whatever that means).........you're not in control :(

*Tears*
Bye
Kerrin
Sweet Kerrin,,,
When we post on boards like this,,,it is often a gamble ;) sometimes a minor disaster.Being misunderstood is a constant possibility.Each and every post is an experiment.Our Friends?????????,,,,,,,,they are the ones who don't hold failed experiments against us ;) We all have many Friends on these boards.The bottom line is this,,,,,,,even if one had unlimited time to word each thought,,,there is no fact or feeling so obvious,so simple,that it would fit perfectly into a sentence.It's becoming clear to me,that no one including myself,fully knows what they are saying ...See,,,,,,thats the condom,,,,,,,,,ah !!!!!! I mean Conundrum :D :D
Love Jerry

[bad girl]

Kerrin,
I support you for your honesty. Thanks, Jerry for encouraging Kerrin.
:)
Pat