Does anyone else have this problem?

[Oopsie Daisey]

I am wondering about anyone else having a problem surrending their life to Christ. Does anyone else have that problem. There is such a separation between God and I and I am so mean inside and nasty and I am hanging on to things that I am afraid to let go of because I don't know what I am getting in exchange. I seriously doubt my salvation. I don't really change and I am not at all that cool with God, and I have jealousy, envy and strife, and all that crud your not supposed to have. I am evil in my thoughts and I just can't seem to get passed this one spot. Someone once told me stay behind my doors and pray until you and God get it together. Well, do you know how many times I have done that and then the prayers are meaningless words and I am totally restless and want to get up and move around and go and do anything but pray...Or I do pray and then I think God and I are like totally together and then it is screwier than I thought. IT is like totally superficial. It was a feeling, and emotion?

I feel like I am the only one that don't get it together. Yesterday I was pursing God so hard and then Dave called and wanted to come and get me for a while and then I was okay and went and then today I look at me and I am not to happy with me because I blew God off when he kept me through my disappointments and I wonder what kind of a person would do that and then you do stuff you know that you were taught God don't want you to do. And today, I can't seem to find God nor be able to talk to Him and there is such a seperation and the only thing I am feeling is an inability to have a clue as to where I am headed and lonliness again.

Any thoughts from your own experiences?

[Jerry]

Melanie,,,,,
See how the spirit of Yom Kippur is playing out?????Today is the day of the year when we restablish our connection with God....This day should be the holiest day on the Christian Calander ....Yet the false teachers have led us so far from the roots of our faith......The "Father of Lights"must highly value you to bring you to just this place on just this day........
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Melanie,,,,,
See how the spirit of Yom Kippur is playing out?????Today is the day of the year when we restablish our connection with God....This day should be the holiest day on the Christian Calander ....Yet the false teachers have led us so far from the roots of our faith......The "Father of Lights"must highly value you to bring you to just this place on just this day........
Love Jerry
So I don't seem to have any strong urges or anything just a heightened awareness that I am not who I should be in God. I am aware that I have a big mouth but no fruit.

So I just want to be able to have strength not to do wrong and belong to God and to have my friends all belong..Course I don't have many friends but the couple I do have, I want them to belong.

I have totally wrecked my life with bad decisions and I don't know how to reverse my life into the right path and be something decent.

So now what?
Melanie

[Jerry]

He knows how,,,,and seems to be doing so,,,,,,Your post is exactly the kind of prayer we pray on this day :D
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Wow but I hope I change too! I don't want it to be mere words. Ya know.

I didn't even know what Yom Kippur was. I bet someone tried to teach me at one time and I didn't listen.

Thanks Jerry for your post. So appreciated.

[Jerry]

Dear Melanie,,,
No one will ever "Get it right",,,,,as long as there are human beings,,,,no one will get it right......Thats why God sent His Son to be our perfect sacrifice ,,,,,Our Attoning Gift for the day of "Yom Kippur"
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

But I have to have the desire. I may not get it right but I have to have the desire and that is what I am concerned about is that I dont' really have the concience nor the desire to until I am in trouble? You know and today it is kind of like I am just ....Okay yep God is God but HE don't seem very personal to me because I am not real personal with HIM? I dont' know HE seems really distant today. Really further away than I want Him to be. Guess I am really kind of wondering just what kind of a relationship I should have.

Hugs and Thanks so much,
Melanie

[Jerry]

Sweet Melanie,,,,
Such an easy question :rolleyes: What kind of relationship should one have with God????????......Why,,,of course!!!!The best relationship we are capable of at any given moment!!!!!!!Dont worry or fret,,,,,if that said relationship needs improvment,,,,,,God will attend to that,,,,,,He is a "Can-Do" kind of guy :D Just look at todays posts,,,,,,You learned about Yom Kippur,,,,,,,You even posted a proper Yom Kippur Prayer!!!!!!,,,,,Hahahahaha NOW,,,,,,,tell me God isn't workin on ya!!!!
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Jerry:

I dont' read my bible anymore. I used to read it all the time and then I quit when I was sure God was saying something and then it looked like he wasn't...like all my life I didn't know the end story to Samson and when I read it all I could do was get worked up...and then I read the book of revelations and then I got all afraid of deception and so a bunch of things paralyze me but I love the WORD of God but I don't know what to do with it when I get in those crunches. I really read that Samson committed suicide and then I went to commentaries and I looked at a whole bunch of stuff and saw that it was extremely controversial and then I got all worked up because I wanted the answer and I wanted to get the picture and thoughts out of my head. Do you know what I mean?

[Jerry]

Dear Melanie,,,
I suspect that you have never been taught how to study the Bible.....What I mean is this,,,,,,,,,,; Most Churches today,have one or two styles of class...They have a class designed to perpetuate their particular denomination(worthless),,,,,or they have a "Christian Ethics" class.The "Christian Ethics Class" may have some limited value,,,,,,,,,but it is NOT a Bible Class!!!!A true Bible Class will focus on the Dynamics of the Hebrew and Greek languages,,,,,and will also study in depth hebrew, greek ,and caldee metaphores, idiums , and figures of speech.....They will also focus on the difficulties of translating these afforementioned languages to English,,,,and the syntactial dynamics of evalueating any given translation.......THAT is the proper way to teach.It is improper to teach the Bible with a view to teaching you what to believe.You have a brain ,,,,you can figure out WHAT to believe!!!
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Dear Melanie,,,
I suspect that you have never been taught how to study the Bible.....What I mean is this,,,,,,,,,,; Most Churches today,have one or two styles of class...They have a class designed to perpetuate their particular denomination(worthless),,,,,or they have a "Christian Ethics" class.The "Christian Ethics Class" may have some limited value,,,,,,,,,but it is NOT a Bible Class!!!!A true Bible Class will focus on the Dynamics of the Hebrew and Greek languages,,,,,and will also study in depth hebrew, greek ,and caldee metaphores, idiums , and figures of speech.....They will also focus on the difficulties of translating these afforementioned languages to English,,,,and the syntactial dynamics of evalueating any given translation.......THAT is the proper way to teach.It is improper to teach the Bible with a view to teaching you what to believe.You have a brain ,,,,you can figure out WHAT to believe!!!
Love Jerry
Actually Jerry I did get into the Greek and Hebrew but it was too hard to concentrate for very long periods and so I blew it off. Occasionally I would look up a word to see if it was in context and then I would see the context and then I was like disappointed and then I thought about the Greek and Hebrew dictionaries and wondered if they were changing like the English dictionaries with word meanings and so I was severely disappointed with the Greek and Hebrew meanings many times. My ex-church told the whole book of John one time that way and I thought I was going to gag. Sorr this is not a personal thing... it was very confusing to me.

Thanks though for the thoughts.

[Pepper]

I can totally relate, especially about the restless part of prayer. I just want to get up and leave. Part of it comes from the fact that I have ADHD and part of comes from a misconception I have about prayer. I have been "beaten over the head" with a "prayer formula" so much of my life that I think if I don't do it "just right," God won't listen to me and won't answer my prayers. I have since broadened my understanding of prayer to where it is basically what I do all day long. I have "running conversations" with God in my head all day long. Sometimes I am able to do some focused praying, but most of the time it is disjointed and confused. It's like I am a 18 month old trying to communicate with a parent that I don't think can understand me, but the parent loves me and takes care of my needs even if I can't relate them properly. God knows my needs, even if I can't express them in what I think is the "right and proper" manner.

[Jerry]

Boy Melanie,,,
You sure are a test for this bible teacher who hasn't taught in years ;) ,,,,Ok here is an example.......In the Book of John chapter 21 begin at verse 5,,,,This is a wonderful testamony of Gods Work..............First we find a very old Hebrew Idium:ie:The right hand does the work of God ,,,,,,the left hand does the work of Satan........They are told to cast their nets off the "right" side of the boat.....The fish here represent Knowledge of Truth........The fire on the beech,,,,,,,Gods Refining Fire...........Then,,,,,,and this is key!!!! we see that they caught 153 fish.....I have actually had Pastors tell me this is just an arbitrary number,,,,,,,well,,,,,According to Biblical Numerics,,,,,1 is Gods Number,,,,,5 is the number of Grace,,,,,,,3 is the number of spiritual completeness....If you add 1,5,and 3,they equal 9,,,,,,,,,The number of "Final Judgement"......So what is being said here??????? That God,,,,,,,BY HIS GRACE,,,,,makes you spiritually complete,,,,,,,,,THAT!!!!!!!! IS THE FINAL JUDGEMENT!!!!!!!!What a wonderful testamony by Christ Himself of Gods Will for His creation!!!!..........and the real purpose of Christ's Minestery,,,,,,to Deliever that truth!!!!!!!!
Love Jerry

[Jerry]

Dear Pepper,,,
Your post to Melanie is so very wonderful,,,,,,,,God must be very proud of you :)
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

I can totally relate, especially about the restless part of prayer. I just want to get up and leave. Part of it comes from the fact that I have ADHD and part of comes from a misconception I have about prayer. I have been "beaten over the head" with a "prayer formula" so much of my life that I think if I don't do it "just right," God won't listen to me and won't answer my prayers. I have since broadened my understanding of prayer to where it is basically what I do all day long. I have "running conversations" with God in my head all day long. Sometimes I am able to do some focused praying, but most of the time it is disjointed and confused. It's like I am a 18 month old trying to communicate with a parent that I don't think can understand me, but the parent loves me and takes care of my needs even if I can't relate them properly. God knows my needs, even if I can't express them in what I think is the "right and proper" manner.
I was tested for ADHD and then they said I didn't have it and what on earth made them think I did? I think it was my Sugar Diabetes because I have lousy concentration level when the diabetes is out of whack. I am so glad you can relate to the prayer and beaten over the head because that is where I come from. I spend a lot of time being disjointed and confused in my talks with God but not all the time so sometimes I really enjoy the conversation but just about the time I think we are really on good terms then I find out that I have to find my place again.. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me which I can totally relate to.

Thanks Pepper,


Melanie

[Oopsie Daisey]

Boy Melanie,,,
You sure are a test for this bible teacher who hasn't taught in years ;) ,,,,Ok here is an example.......In the Book of John chapter 21 begin at verse 5,,,,This is a wonderful testamony of Gods Work..............First we find a very old Hebrew Idium:ie:The right hand does the work of God ,,,,,,the left hand does the work of Satan........They are told to cast their nets off the "right" side of the boat.....The fish here represent Knowledge of Truth........The fire on the beech,,,,,,,Gods Refining Fire...........Then,,,,,,and this is key!!!! we see that they caught 153 fish.....I have actually had Pastors tell me this is just an arbitrary number,,,,,,,well,,,,,According to Biblical Numerics,,,,,1 is Gods Number,,,,,5 is the number of Grace,,,,,,,3 is the number of spiritual completeness....If you add 1,5,and 3,they equal 9,,,,,,,,,The number of "Final Judgement"......So what is being said here??????? That God,,,,,,,BY HIS GRACE,,,,,makes you spiritually complete,,,,,,,,,THAT!!!!!!!! IS THE FINAL JUDGEMENT!!!!!!!!What a wonderful testamony by Christ Himself of Gods Will for His creation!!!!..........and the real purpose of Christ's Minestery,,,,,,to Deliever that truth!!!!!!!!
Love Jerry
No they didn't do any of that stuff or I tuned it out somewhere. I had an uncle try to do it with me but I asked him to take a hike because it was jumbling up my mind (of course he was in an offshoot of the Jim Jones crap and thankfully knowing the whole ordeal out of the mouth of their foster daughter was enough for me to run) but I was just talking to my brother and he said that he couldn't get into that either but that he could listen to it taught depending on the teacher but he didn't like to do that kind of studies and that he told me that he liked to ask God to teach him with His Spirit and to guide him into all truth and that God usually gave him some revelations for him personally that were different and then somewhere down the road he would find that someone else had that same revelation and it would be so bizarre and so when I was telling him something that I had that was bizarre he was like yeah like that and it was about that bride crap that was going around for a "Word for the church" and how Jesus wants to take us into the bridegrooms chambers and be intimate and I told my brother bull that the marriage hasn't taken place and that is bull and my brother says YEAH like that ...that you oppose the popular thing because God has given an insight into something... Now I am yoyoing all over the place.

I know my thoughts are not as collective as they were earlier.

Bless you,
Melanie

[Janice]

I hate surrender. I hate any songs about surrender, or victory, or freedom. I wanted to get up and run out lots of times (and I have!) I understand how you feel.

[Pilgrim]

Gee, I dunno, does anyone NOT have that problem? If so, I'd like to meet them! ;)

It sounds like Romans 7 to me.

I think what I've learned (and am still trying to learn) is to lighten up on myself. I tend to expect perfection over night. I'm a Christian? Then I should be sin free by now! God is so gracious to us and for me, when I start getting overwhelmed with all my failures, He has me focus on something (ANYTHING!) that has been a victory. Even if it's just something small like, "Wow, 2 years ago THAT would have ended in profanity!" A VICTORY!!! Little, yes. But change for the good, nevertheless.

I think that's why I wanted to start that thread on focusing on our victories. It helps me to even have ONE thing so I don't feel like a COMPLETE loser.

Hope that helps.

[Pilgrim]

But I have to have the desire. I may not get it right but I have to have the desire and that is what I am concerned about is that I dont' really have the concience nor the desire to until I am in trouble?
Hmmmm then why are you posting? Seems to me it DOES bother you, therefore I'd have to conclude that you have the desire! ;)

[Oopsie Daisey]

I hate surrender. I hate any songs about surrender, or victory, or freedom. I wanted to get up and run out lots of times (and I have!) I understand how you feel.
I am so glad you can relate to it. I feel so isolated with this sometimes.

Thank you Janice for sharing and posting.

Melanie

[Oopsie Daisey]

Hmmmm then why are you posting? Seems to me it DOES bother you, therefore I'd have to conclude that you have the desire! ;)
Goodness, I guess I was looking for some great love for God to well up in me and overflow and be totally excited but for some reason I am kind of like robot mode. DO you know what I mean and now I know what you mean and I see what you are saying. Thank you. :)

[Oopsie Daisey]

Gee, I dunno, does anyone NOT have that problem? If so, I'd like to meet them! ;)

It sounds like Romans 7 to me.

I think what I've learned (and am still trying to learn) is to lighten up on myself. I tend to expect perfection over night. I'm a Christian? Then I should be sin free by now! God is so gracious to us and for me, when I start getting overwhelmed with all my failures, He has me focus on something (ANYTHING!) that has been a victory. Even if it's just something small like, "Wow, 2 years ago THAT would have ended in profanity!" A VICTORY!!! Little, yes. But change for the good, nevertheless.

I think that's why I wanted to start that thread on focusing on our victories. It helps me to even have ONE thing so I don't feel like a COMPLETE loser.

Hope that helps.
Oh I want I to get past the Romans 7 and get to Romans 8 and be completely surrenedered.
I mean I know that He is the one who has helped me let so many addictions go... like drinking and smoking, and nasal mists, and coffee, and Diet Pepsi, and so many other vices but I don't want to just get rid of the habits, I need attitude changes.

That really concerns me. Thank you for your kind response.

Blessings,
melanie

[Pilgrim]

He is the one who has helped me let so many addictions go... like drinking and smoking, and nasal mists, and coffee, and Diet Pepsi, and so many other vices but I don't want to just get rid of the habits, I need attitude changes.

That really concerns me. Thank you for your kind response.

Blessings,
melanieWow, Melanie!!! It looks as if God has done some BIG things in your life! Do you think He's going to give up on you now?

Personally, I think you are right on the verge of God doing that very thing you're asking for. Why do I think that? Because in MY life (and I'm only speaking in terms of personal experience) but in my life that's JUST the order He worked in. First He took care of the BIG things, (drugs, hanging out with the wrong people, etc) then He started to prod me. I started feeling very uncomfortable with where I was at (sound familiar?). Then (be prepared for this one), He slowly, and graciously started to show me my ugliness and failings. But NOT with the intent of slamming me or condemning me. Rather, He started slowly bringing them to the light so I could begin to bring them to HIM for change. And He's SUCH a gentleman!

It was those "little things" that started to bug me about myself. My thought life. My habits. My lack of this or too much that. And God just kept saying, "Bring them to me, I'll change them in the proper time". And remember, change takes times. Sometimes YEARS. But the key is to stay connected. Abide in the vine. That's all He asks. Abide in Me, and I in you. The fruit comes naturally and over a long period of time. One day you'll wake up and there's grapes! Then, the next thing you know your grapes are being SMASHED through a horrible press. Then you're bottled and finally after a long period of time, ahhhhhh the most terrific wine! (by the way, I think I'm in the grape smashing period of my life right now!) :mad:

Anyway, Melanie, try not to be so hard on yourself. I personally see discontent with myself as a good thing. It means I want to be more. It means I need and recognize growth. Just think if you were content with yourself? You'd NEVER want to change/grow! I personally feel that discontent CAN be a healthy good thing. (of course it can also become unhealthy if I obsess) but I'm just talking about wanting to change the things that NEED change.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough. I'll keep you in prayers and please keep me in yours.