How Do You Tell Some One About Your Abuse?

[DLL]

i have a question. maybe i am getting too big for my britches, :confused: , but when someone comes up to me and asks where have i been or how am i doing, i usually respond with "im getting better all the time." but with some of the people, i really want to go into more detail about the spiritual abuse and what i went through. not to bash the church or preacher,but i just want people to know how close i have come to losing it all and what GOD has done for me. how would i say that?? i tried it with my kids, they kinda snickered when i said some "phrases", and i dont want people to think wierd things, but i dont how to go into it. i mean, i cant say "hey guess what...ive been abused". i dont want to sound flippant about it. it nearly crushed me. but no one knows that because ive hidden in my house for 5 years now and im just starting to feel like i can make it now. i want it to give GOD the glory for what HE's shown me. its like having good news but not being able to share it. any opinions on this??advice??
thanks
in HIS grace

[jane]

I've felt that way too. Just today on the phone I told this woman, "this may sound weird to you but we call what we went through spiritual abuse." It didn't sound so weird to her.....

but to the people still at that church, they look at me like I am nuts.They're still in the fog. So if I still feel the need to talk to them I say, "you don't have to agree with me but this is where I am coming from..."


The important thing is not to take their reactions as a weapon against us. Their reactions are theirs....unless they have been through it or have open eyes to see; they are not going to "get it".

I am bumping into more and more christians who ARE getting it, who have the time to listen and who want to talk about their experiences....and they want a solution. None of them want to be stuck in hurts and bitterness....

I think it takes time. Time to talk, time to process it, time to heal. Loving ourselves no matter how insane we feel our story sounds. Jesus was there, he saw what we endured and he died for it. Just my opinion.

Love,
Jane

[DLL]

Thanks Jane!! ;)

[Katie]

Sadly, someone who has not personally experienced spiritual abuse cannot truly understand how crippling it can be. Even those who truly care about you will not understand the depth of trauma you have experienced.

I know that before our incident, if someone had told their story to me, I would have responded with polite compassion, but without a clue of the type of wounding they went through.

Actually, my husband and I both still comment occasionally with surprise at how traumatic this event was for us. We are strong people, and we never expected to be on the receiving end of such a violating act.

That is why this board has been so helpful, because people who've also been spiritually abused do understand. While our circumstances have been different, there is a common thread amongst our stories.

With family and friends who weren't involved, I have said things like "What happened to us with the church was devastating." But I don't go into much more detail. And I have told them how good and faithful God has been to us through it all.

With those who were involved and still attend our former church, I put a big grin on and say, "We're doing GREAT!" :D

Don't know if that helps any, it's just how we've handled things.

[jane]

my husband and I both still comment occasionally with surprise at how traumatic this event was for us.


US TOO!

We also talk about how we can't believe how much subtle abuse was there. The more we are away, the more we see.

Especially when we bump into someone from the church, they have their own language-- we hear the old lines again, it is creepy. It is like massive brain washing techniques that were used in germany during wwII.

the irony is when we speak truth into it, they look at us with dumb, dazed looks and feel bad for us!

even sadder-- we used to do this to other people. We really were confused towards them and upheld the status quo.

We also are surprised at how traumatizing it STILL is! We get defensive and want to tell people, "WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER SINCE WE LEFT" but it is like there is a voice over.......they hear and see something very different.

Jane

[Jerry]

When I see someone from our former church I don't share anything.I just hum the song "Positively 4th Street"(by Bob Dylan),,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"I wish for just once you could stand inside my shoes,and for that one moment I could be you,,,,I wish for just once you could stand inside my shoes,,,you'd know what a Drag it is to see you".................... :D
Love Jerry
P.S. "the pumps don't work cuz the vandels took the handels"

[jane]

I like that. I think that is the approach that I am going to try to take.

My ego still wants to rattle off to them about how wonderful I am doing. It gets too bruised when I realize that they hear something different.

More people have left our church, slowly, and when I see them it is the same story.

This one woman whom I am trying to reach still, is suicidal. She was a professional, beautiful woman so I am totally surprised, in spite of it all. Apparently she was dating this guy at the church ( he was a real jerk but the church loved him because he was security head for some big company in NY and after 911 was training us in security :confused: a small church of around 500 was prepared for terrist attacks ;) ).

anyway, he was dating another woman, this woman thought they were getting married, she broke up with him! THE PASTORS WIFE TOLD HER IT WAS HER FAULT- SHE CHASED HIM AWAY--- and it was her fault that he left the church over it! She has been depressed and confused since!

MY GOD< ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED TO PEOPLE WHO ARE CHEATING ON US?????


Jane

[Kerrin]

[QUOTE=DLL]i have a question. maybe i am getting too big for my britches, :confused: it nearly crushed me. but no one knows that because ive hidden in my house for 5 years now and im just starting to feel like i can make it now. i want it to give GOD the glory for what HE's shown me. its like having good news but not being able to share it.

((((DLL))))),

I still struggle with this too!
for me, it depends on who is asking the question about how am I doing??

Recently I had dinner with Friends who are not Christian but knew something "not good" had happened ........after a few wines her husband said ,"Kerrin what happened,?" I told them ,I had a really bad experience with the Church and gave some examples BUT I said although for now, I'm done with "organised religion" ,that did NOT mean my faith or belief in Jesus Christ as my Saviour!

( Belonging to this community and living in the same suburb ,they know my old Vicar but not well).

THat!, they actually understood! I think, to have ,someone they perceived to be a "Holier than thou" Christian to admit the Church has got it wrong ,but NOT God!
Just Man!!! ; was a good witness. at least I hope that was the impact. :o

As I type this, I think it must have because since then they've invited me out every Sunday night for dinner since ,with them and other couples, I used to think it was 'cos they felt sorry for me and Amy is their daughter's best friend BUT maybe not!
Hmmmmmm, maybe ,I am good company at the dinner table :D

I think tread carefully , tell as much as you can with NO harm to you!! ;)
( That's why I don't tell the "old" Church people anything.........I just keep consoling myself that Vengeance is God's ,and He will vindicate me.......and I pray I have opportunity to speak about His grace ......so far He's kept His promises)

As Katie said ,being spiritually abused is an incredibly traumatic experience that very few understand...........again wounds that go ,often unseen :(

The fact that you're feeling like this ,I think speaks volumes about your healing; so keep on hanging in there and trusting in Him ;)
LOve
Kerrin ;)