the disease to please?

[molehills]

I came across this book now that I'm studying recovery. Does anyone have any experience, advice, etc. to share about this book?

I scored 16 out of 24 on the quiz at the beginning. Woohoo! :rolleyes:

[Willow]

I haven't heard of that book, but Joyce Meyer just came out with a book called "Approval Addiction". I plan to read it.

[molehills]

thanks for the recommendation.

[Willow]

you're very welcome :)

[Kerrin]

:) I have read Joyce Meyer's book on "Approval addiction", and it is good, very Joyce! :D

TWO other great books referred to me from this site ,I have found more able to relate to........
If it's of any help??

"When Pleasing Others is Hurting You", Dr. David Hawkins.

"When You love Too much", Stephen Arterburn

( If you want some MEAT I recommend these two!) ;)

Love
Kerrin ;)

[molehills]

I'll give them a look-see on Amazon.

I appreciate the help with my ongoing bibliotherapy. :)

[molehills]

I gave them a look-see. I don't think that's the direction my struggle is going in. My relationships with men have been pretty good, and I had a good dad. I'm really happy in my marriage. The problems in my marriage have a lot to do with me not saying what I want, not his being unwilling to give me what I want. Our problems are really rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Other people wouldn't call them problems.

The root problem I'm struggling with is a rage that I have to do what everyone else wants, and they never care about me. I do police that in my intimate relationships, but the farther out the net goes, the more I let people take advantage. I really enjoy people and solving problems, but when people pick up on that they find ways of making me solve their problems. I'm just beginning to hand back some of that responsibility to my acquaintances. It's ludicrous that someone who I barely know can impose themselves to such an extent that it makes our family life difficult. Sometimes I think I homeschool because the thought of five classrooms full of children and parents to take care of is so overwhelming. I don't have as many social relationships as I'd like because I know they will degenerate into my being somebody else's mother. I have enough "children" in my life. If I gather any more I won't have any time to raise the real ones, the ones that really matter to me.

Boy, I'm proud of me for articulating that. I'm proud that I want to reclaim my time for my kids. Now I need to figure out and take responsibility for the bad patterns that destroy perfectly good friendships. Any hints?

[Hesed]

I really enjoy people and solving problems, but when people pick up on that they find ways of making me solve their problems. I'm just beginning to hand back some of that responsibility to my acquaintances.

Have you had a look at Boundaries (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0310247454/qid=1118249161/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-5102435-0430269?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) by McCloud and Townsend?

I don't know if you have an alcoholic parent? (You don't have to answer that question, it's somewhat rhetorical.) As the daughter of an alcoholic myself, this sort of behaviour is quite frequent in the children of alcoholics. I still struggle myself with saying no to people because I was taught that I should always help others, no matter what the cost was to myself. That's just not true and I think that we have to remember that we're not going to save the world - God is.

There is a Jewish saying (which I'm going to butcher badly, but you'll get the gist) that we can't opt out of the job of participating in the building of God's Kingdom, but neither does God ask us to do the entire job.

[molehills]

My family is teetotaller on both sides for three to four generations because we had too many dead drunks. Both sides declared that while we think alcohol can be enjoyed in moderation; it can't be by us. None of my immediate relatives had any struggle with alcohol because of that ban, but the behaviors linger. The stories from the bad old days are shocking and horrifiyng and even four generations later I won't tell you some of them. There are dry limbs on the family tree that never had a struggle with alcohol. Like everybody it's a mixed bag.

I understand that I don't have to save everybody, but I can't seem to say no if they ask. The only strategy I feel comfortable with is hiding, but it's gettting very lonely.

[ex-shep]

I haven't heard of that book, but Joyce Meyer just came out with a book called "Approval Addiction". I plan to read it.

I guess I will have to read it too. I hope it meets your approval :p

[ex-shep]

I guess I will have to read it too. I hope it meets your approval :p

Of course that is as bad as the time came late to an Al-Anon meeting. The chairperson announced the topic was fear. I sighed, "I was afraid the topic was going to come up".

[Kerrin]

Are you really sure??

Not tryingto be obnoxiuos, but reading your posts again, is their a hint of denial?
Correct me if I'm wrong
Approval addiction comes in many forms.
I didn't necessarily recommend those books implying relationship problem with your spouse. :o
If I'm off mark, sorry.

I found as I read those particular books I beacame increasingly uncomfortable; as I realised there was more to this Approval addiction/ need to please, than I was in
"control" of!
Actually I had to stop reading "S Arterburn's", book it became too painful .........for now....... :(

Love
Kerrin ;)

[molehills]

If I know anything about life it's that denial is a big part of it. I couldn't get a lot of information on the other book, but Arterburn's didn't seem to be related to my difficulties. I've got problems with needing approval, I know that, but for whatever reason, Arterburn's take on it didn't touch me. The Disease to Please has been good. It's analytical in it's approach, and I appreciate that in a book.

Hee Hee, I just realized that my big issue is trying to avoid negative feelings, and Arterburn uses all these personal stories :eek: . I gave up on Brian McLaren's book A New Kind of Christian because I found the use of stories when presenting theological arguments unfair and manipulative. Perhaps I'm having the same response to Arterburn.