Voyager
06-01-2005, 11:13 PM
These quotes below are from another thread, but I felt they deserved a thread of their own. This issue has been the biggest hurdle to recovery from spiritual abuse in many of our lives.
I'm tired of knowing that I need to build safe relationships but having to take risks in order to do so and being afraid to take risks.
I am not there yet, I am still in the stage of avoiding all new relationships at all costs.
I know the feeling all too well. This is a classic symptom of being spiritually abused, so rest assured that it is not something unique with you. It is the result of years of deception, dysfunction, and codependency that was perpetrated by our abusers.
The fact is, we all need healthy relationships to replace the unhealthy relationships that we abandonded in our former abusive churches. Without them, we will remain feeling lonely and isolated. Unfortunately, our ability to trust people (healthy or unhealthy) has been severely sabotaged and damaged. Where do we go from here? Will we ever be able to trust again?
I have have found that leaving a spiritually abusive church is like leaving a dysfunctional family. We desperately need to find functional relationships to develop a healthy support system, but our trust is so shattered that it's hard to even fathom how this could happen. We thought we had functional relationships in our former churches - only to find out the opposite. How do we know that this won't happen again?
The first step in finding a cure is always to deal with the cause, not the symptoms. The cause of my dysfunction was the lack of healthy relationships. The only way to begin to cure this dysfunction is to first develop a healthy relationship with myself. Only then can I have healthy relationships with others. This will require me to begin seeing myself in a different light. I am not unlovable - I am lovable. I am not an idiot or a loser - I am a valuable person. I deserve to be treated as such - by myself and others.
I've been reading a book called "The Wellness Recovery Connection". It is designed to help drug and alcohol addicts and their families recover from dysfunction - but I am finding that it is a great fit for religious addicts too. Let's face it - dysfunction is dysfunction, regardless of what addiction you choose. Nicotine, caffeine, pain pills, overeating, drugs, alcohol, religion - all of these can be things that we use to numb ourselves and try to make ourselves feel better - but they are all only temporary fixes to an underlying problem.
The book I mentioned above talks about replacing negative addictions with positive ones. I am beginning to feel much better about myself since I started reading it and implementing some of the principles that it outlines. I am starting to feel hope for the first time in a long while. I am determined not to let the actions of a corrupt pasturd ruin the rest of my life. I want to be able to become functional again, and develop functional relationships with others. I cannot let my fears keep me trapped in dysfunction. I am sick and tired of it!!!
Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks for being there for me. You all have been a great support system for me in my voyage to recovery. I'm not there yet - but I'm determined to get there!
:cool:
I'm tired of knowing that I need to build safe relationships but having to take risks in order to do so and being afraid to take risks.
I am not there yet, I am still in the stage of avoiding all new relationships at all costs.
I know the feeling all too well. This is a classic symptom of being spiritually abused, so rest assured that it is not something unique with you. It is the result of years of deception, dysfunction, and codependency that was perpetrated by our abusers.
The fact is, we all need healthy relationships to replace the unhealthy relationships that we abandonded in our former abusive churches. Without them, we will remain feeling lonely and isolated. Unfortunately, our ability to trust people (healthy or unhealthy) has been severely sabotaged and damaged. Where do we go from here? Will we ever be able to trust again?
I have have found that leaving a spiritually abusive church is like leaving a dysfunctional family. We desperately need to find functional relationships to develop a healthy support system, but our trust is so shattered that it's hard to even fathom how this could happen. We thought we had functional relationships in our former churches - only to find out the opposite. How do we know that this won't happen again?
The first step in finding a cure is always to deal with the cause, not the symptoms. The cause of my dysfunction was the lack of healthy relationships. The only way to begin to cure this dysfunction is to first develop a healthy relationship with myself. Only then can I have healthy relationships with others. This will require me to begin seeing myself in a different light. I am not unlovable - I am lovable. I am not an idiot or a loser - I am a valuable person. I deserve to be treated as such - by myself and others.
I've been reading a book called "The Wellness Recovery Connection". It is designed to help drug and alcohol addicts and their families recover from dysfunction - but I am finding that it is a great fit for religious addicts too. Let's face it - dysfunction is dysfunction, regardless of what addiction you choose. Nicotine, caffeine, pain pills, overeating, drugs, alcohol, religion - all of these can be things that we use to numb ourselves and try to make ourselves feel better - but they are all only temporary fixes to an underlying problem.
The book I mentioned above talks about replacing negative addictions with positive ones. I am beginning to feel much better about myself since I started reading it and implementing some of the principles that it outlines. I am starting to feel hope for the first time in a long while. I am determined not to let the actions of a corrupt pasturd ruin the rest of my life. I want to be able to become functional again, and develop functional relationships with others. I cannot let my fears keep me trapped in dysfunction. I am sick and tired of it!!!
Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks for being there for me. You all have been a great support system for me in my voyage to recovery. I'm not there yet - but I'm determined to get there!
:cool: