The meeting is tonight (June 1)

[Florence]

Hi everyone,
Well, yesterday was my "official" last day. I had turned my keys in last week since I had everything done for the last Sunday of the month and was taking that Sunday off.

My assistant resigned last week as well and Sunday was her last day. That's four people in five months (youth minister, administrative secretary, me, and my assistant). That leaves only the pastor, his wife, the custodian (life-long church member, biggest trouble-maker), and the newly hired secretary/part-time youth leader.

Tonight they are having a meeting about me and my assistant. They have invited a select group of people including the worship team members, choir, and those who dropped out of the music ministry when they weren't put on a team. (Everyone could participate in worship choir or sanctuary choir.) During this meeting they will have an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings about our resignations.

They held a similar meeting when the youth pastor left and it was simply an opportunity to bash the poor guy. Fortunately, one man stood up and defended him and that promptly ended the meeting. Now no one speaks to this man. He has told my assistant that he is going to the meeting to speak on our behalf and then he is leaving the church. There are a few others who have said they will speak up as well, but I'm not sure if their courage will hold out as they are very gentle, sweet people who have not stood up to the bullies in the past. We'll see.

One thing is certain, the pastor will make sure that we are cast in a dim light and that he is a shining example of character and integrity. What they won't consider is that a meeting such as this in which we are not present to defend ourselves is simply WRONG.

I'm sure I'll have a report sometime tomorrow about what happened. I'll keep you posted.

Florence

[jane]

Florence,

I wish I could say something to make it feel any better.

Every word that proceeds from every mouth will be in front of Your Lord; remember that.

It will be used as a measuring tool or so I have read.....

Love,
Jane

[ex-shep]

Sounds like my work situation. Can't say much more until the issue is resolved. I can relate. Remember you deserve to be around healthy people. How about turning in the keys with a note saying "I quit!!"?

[molehills]

I'm praying for you. Even though you know that people are wrong and you've left, it still hurts when people get together to be mean.

[Kerrin]

:o (((((((Florence)))))))),
Everyone has pretty much said it, and you are the one having to "go through" it.
You've encouraged me ,to be strong, to not burn bridges and to be dignified at all times. ;)
Thank you,
Love
Kerrin ;)

[Voyager]

Tonight they are having a meeting about me and my assistant.
My former pasturd had one of these meetings for me after I left my spiritually abusive church in 1998. I was labelled "mentally ill" from the pulpit among other things. This is a very classic strategy with spiritual abusers and cult leaders. They will blacklist you in front of all the church members and make an example out of you. It will show the flock what will happen if they ever decide to "leave God's will" like you did.

Every person who left my former church after I did was the recipient of one of these meetings also. They were labelled things like "spineless", "bitter", "unsubmissive", "unteachable", "deceived" "rebellious", etc. It's par for the course, and it should only prove to you that you did the right thing Flo. I would have been surprised if they didn't have one of these meetings for you. Welcome to the club!

:cool:

[Voyager]

Remember you deserve to be around healthy people.
Amen - and those people were anything but healthy Florence. They are unhealthy because the head-dictator turned the place into a codependent cesspool. If they were healthy, you would have never wanted to leave to begin with.

:cool:

[Jerry]

Dear Florence,,,,
You are so much better than those people.There is one thing in your post that I find quite amusing. Hahahaha I wonder if "Donnald Trump",while making a business decision,consults his "Janitor" :rolleyes: Angels and ministers of Grace defend us !!!!!! :D
Love Jerry

[Katie]

Florence,

How are you doing? Have you heard about the meeting?

I'm reading a book right now that talks about times like these when people try to "rename" us, but the truth is that you and God know your "real name." Whatever labels they throw at you don't matter, because they can never be the ones who name you and define who you are.

I know you already know this, but I just wanted to encourage you in the midst of having your reputation smeared, that it isn't the truth of who you are.

Thinking of you, Katie

[ex-shep]

[QUOTE=Voyager]My former pasturd

I love it!!

[Florence]

Hi gang,
Just wanted to let you know that I was told that when the pastor opened up the meeting "for everyone to share their feelings about [my and my assistant's] leaving" another person right away said that they didn't think it was appropriate for them to be critical since we weren't present to defend ourselves and that they should only make constructive comments. So, apparently that nipped the pastor's agenda - how could he argue with that?

I got a 2-hour call from a woman who has left the church because I was the only person on the staff who made her feel loved and cared for. When she was in the hospital a few months ago, I was the only person who reached out to her and after being in a very hurtful church situation, she had taken a big risk to come to the church at all. She is still close friends with the person who originally invited her to attend this church, and so she hears a bit of the gossip going around. In our conversation yesterday, she told me that the pastor has been telling people that we were unable to communicate because I set up my hours to be at times that he was not in the office.

I told her that all she or anyone else had to do was to go back to a bulletin from when I was still there and compare our office hours. I, as a half-time employee, was in the building at the same time he was for at least 12 hours every week, not including meetings and rehearsals. She said she had never thought to compare our office hours and I told her that most people wouldn't - they simply believe anything the pastor says and they never think to check the facts "because he's the pastor" and would never give them misinformation.

She also mentioned that the sound system we had to work with was a joke and that she and her husband (who play in a band) would never have tolerated the buzzing monitors, bad mics, blown woofers, etc. Apparently, this has been another "reason" the pastor has been telling people as to why I resigned - I wasn't happy with the sound system.

He has also told some people (got this from another person) that I was always "shooting down his ideas." I'm not sure how that could possibly be when he hasn't shared any ideas with me in over a year. One possible explanation is that after I was told they had decided not to have contracts with their employees (something I had made sure I would have before I was hired - they did the old bait and switch telling me the contract was being drawn up and then eventually saying the pastor doesn't believe in contracts, only "gentlemen's agreements" - to which I say, "You have to be a gentleman for that to work"). Anyway, we had a "verbal agreement" that I would be responsible for the morning worship service only along with any special services throughout the year. Since I didn't have a contract, I asked the two board members who met with me to give me their word that if I were asked to expand my responsibilities within that morning service to a great degree, that they would support me in refusing to do so without adequate compensation. They heartily agreed to support me.

Well, within a month the pastor came up with the idea to have an elongated service that would start with 30 minutes of "contemporary" worship. At the end of that 30 minutes, people who wanted "traditional" worship would come in and everyone would hear the sermon together, then the "contemporary" folks would be dismissed and the "traditionalists" would stay for another half hour of hymns, etc. The pastor didn't ask me how this would affect my position - he simply poked his head in my office and announced that he was recommending this format to the board that evening and then rushed off.

I called one of the board members and told him this was exactly the type of thing I was referring to when I asked them for their support because what the pastor was proposing was essentially that my responsibilities would increase from one worship set to two while his would stay the same - only needing to prepare and deliver one sermon. I don't know what happened at the board meeting that night, but I never heard about his plan again - until after I resigned.

Now they are starting this format this coming Sunday. The contemporary portion of the service will be done with the people singing along with cd's since there is no band, no worship leader (though a few people will stand on the platform and sing into a microphone), and no one in the church with the passion or skills to pull it all together.

So, I guess my insistence that I be "supported" in not having my position be abused by having two different worship sets within the context of "one" morning service was "shooting down his ideas." If people only knew the truth . . .

All this stuff just keeps reminding me that I did the right thing getting out of there.

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and support. I'll continue to keep you posted as time allows.

Florence

[jane]

Well Florence, you did do the right thing.

I think you survived the lynching with only a few burned hairs, considering. I am glad you stood up and did the right thing for you and your family. I am also glad to hear you stand up for yourself when they attacked you ( like about checking the schedule).


Come on over to my house, we're having a campfire tonight. I've got marshmellows, chocolate and graham crackers ready for ya!


Jane ;)