On being a woman

[Hesed]

Pinkie Pie said something in her post about her Avatar that brought about the start of what I'm hoping might be a healing.

I know that there are lots of different types of dyfunctional churches and that maybe some of the people here have experienced the exact opposite of this, but...

Pinkie Pie's comment made me realise that the church that I grew up in didn't value much about being a woman. Submission and obedience were valued, but other stereotypical female qualities such as kindness, compassion and sensitivity were almost abhorred as being weak. I noticed today, lurking on a newsgroup of my old denomination, that the vast majority of the posters are men. Also, I've heard people say things like the reason that God declared that women can't be pastors is because women tend to be compassionate and a person can't be both compassionate and wise. !!!! Can't be compassionate and wise!!!!????? :eek:

Almost all my life, everyone told me that I was "too sensitive". The other day, someone told me that I was "too sensitive" - but the person said it in a positive way. With Pinkie Pie's comment and that one, today I decided that instead of trying to make sure that no-one sees that I'm sensitive, that I'm going to pray to let my sensitivity show and run free - and I'll also pray for the strength to be able to cope if someone hurts me. But I'm tired of hiding that particular light under a bushel.

I thought I'd share that with you all and also let Pinkie Pie know that she ministered to me. :D

[bad girl]

My avitar reflects the mentality toward women who refuse to be a doormat for their husband. I have noticed when there's a marriage problem (I've seen it in other people) that the woman is given the burden of being more submissive, tolerating adultery, abuse, whatever it is, but the men, they don't seem to have a lot of accountability as to how they treat their wives.

The new denomination I am a part of treats women with great respect and I have found they have couples that are ministers .

If you find a church where there are husband/ wife teams and both are called pastors. you are on your way to finding a church that honors and respects :) women.

Pat

[Hesed]

My avitar reflects the mentality toward women who refuse to be a doormat for their husband. I have noticed when there's a marriage problem (I've seen it in other people) that the woman is given the burden of being more submissive, tolerating adultery, abuse, whatever it is, but the men, they don't seem to have a lot of accountability as to how they treat their wives.

Blaming the victim is part of the "culture" that supports the abuser over the victim. I'm currently reading a book on domestic abuse and the idea that "If only the victim would behave properly, the abuser wouldn't have to abuse" is part of the whole mindset that is wrong and is part of the cycle of violence that goes on. A friend of mine finally left her marriage when her husband just started randomly hurting her. The final straw was getting punched in the back while she was brushing her teeth. She was hit so hard, some of her internal organs were bruised. If the abuser is supported in their abuse, the violence just gets worse.

Churches like the ones above are supporting men who abuse their women (we should also not forget that some women abuse their partners too). My own denomination, which is a liberal mainstream one, recently took a poll and found that 25% of our women are suffering from domestic violence. Part of the reason I'm reading the book on domestic abuse!

[bad girl]

My pastor said "I can't imagine he just started tossing you around" in my counseling session. I was told that it always takes two to have a marriage problem (BIG LIE)
Also, a week or two later, he made a point in the sermon about in proberbs were is says by his words, a fool is struck in the mouth.

There is so much ignorance about domestic abuse in churches. Our local agency is trying to educate churches about this. I believe that's part of the answer.

What's the name of the book?
Pat

[jane]

Would you believe that in this area, I was fortunate. Our church didn't have an issue with women leaders.... The pastors wife was also called pastor; they co-pastored. Her mother and sisters were all in leadership. Woman could be leaders and not their husbands.... In our area of the country; it is culturally more acceptable I think. In the area of divorce, they do counsel that eveyone needs to stay married almost to insane levels--but it is equally that they tell men to stay in the face of adultery as well as women.

NOW, after we left, when we visited that other church; that new pastor was from the south and BOY was he sexist and racist. I had a question about tithes (why is it the only old testament law that we are not "free" from). I asked his wife because she was here. She told me to ask him, that he could explain it better. So that night, I called him and asked him.

hehehehehehe (I am rolling laughing thinking about what he said) He said, "you need to talk to my wife as a woman it is not appropriate for you to approach me, you need to go to her..... "hehehehehe

I said, "she told me to ask you."

He asked her, she concurred. He very curtly answered my question by telling me he would give me a sermon on the topic that he wrote....hehehehe

I come from a long line of strong women who know that people like Esther, Noah's wife, Ruth etc....were all intelligent, strong women made that way by their creator. Sexism in that blatant form was new for me....

and a comment to me when I drove my family to church, "your husband isn't driving? Is there a problem?" HEHEHEHEHEHE

I guess they know who wears the pants in the family by who is driving. As my husband would say, "we both wear pants----we are best friends, a team."

That pastor also made comments racially- doesn't fly in this area. It's pretty diversified and we all like it this way. His wife said that the Pastor and his wife (pastor number 1) were infertile because the pastor (white) married mexican. They actually believed that God prevented them from conceiving because they were a mixed marriage! HEHEHEHEHE

around here people can go to jail for saying things like that---and most of us don't believe those things....and IN CHRIST ARE ANY OF US SUPPOSED TO THINK THAT WAY?

no wonder they are leaving Connecticut.....wonder how washington state will like them....

sorry, I am obsessed with them leaving already after staying only long enough to blow apart of group of people who once worshipped together....ALL IN THE NAME OF JESUS.

Jane

[jane]

Pat-

Hey, maybe you should have tossed the pastor around a little bit to give him a visual :D Then he would be able to imagine what you felt like :D

now my bitterness is coming out...what idiots!

Jane

[pblondeau46]

Pinkie Pie said something in her post about her Avatar that brought about the start of what I'm hoping might be a healing.

I know that there are lots of different types of dyfunctional churches and that maybe some of the people here have experienced the exact opposite of this, but...

Pinkie Pie's comment made me realise that the church that I grew up in didn't value much about being a woman. Submission and obedience were valued, but other stereotypical female qualities such as kindness, compassion and sensitivity were almost abhorred as being weak. I noticed today, lurking on a newsgroup of my old denomination, that the vast majority of the posters are men. Also, I've heard people say things like the reason that God declared that women can't be pastors is because women tend to be compassionate and a person can't be both compassionate and wise. !!!! Can't be compassionate and wise!!!!????? :eek:

Almost all my life, everyone told me that I was "too sensitive". The other day, someone told me that I was "too sensitive" - but the person said it in a positive way. With Pinkie Pie's comment and that one, today I decided that instead of trying to make sure that no-one sees that I'm sensitive, that I'm going to pray to let my sensitivity show and run free - and I'll also pray for the strength to be able to cope if someone hurts me. But I'm tired of hiding that particular light under a bushel.

I thought I'd share that with you all and also let Pinkie Pie know that she ministered to me. :D

Hi Hesed


I was told I was sensitive as a new Christian too. Oh yes and emotional. That got my back up, because it came across like swear words. I was determined not to be sensitive and emotional. I fought myself tooth and nail not to be. Finally after all the years of learning how not to be emotional and sensitive I realised I had no intimate relationships with anyone but my husband. I was lonely and unhappy. I was naturally a people person. The devil had robbed me of my joy through the beloved church..................... :mad:

Finally I am alive again..........emotions...........I want them .............sensitivity..........smack me in the eyes..........at least I am alive!!!!!!!!! :p

Don't let the turkeys get you down.................... :cool:

[Jerry]

Dear Hesed,,,
The wisdom of a person is directly related and inversly perportional to their level of compassion,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :D In laymans terms,,,,,,,,,"The less compassion they have,,,,the stupider they are :D
Love Jerry

[Hesed]

Finally I am alive again..........emotions...........I want them .............sensitivity..........smack me in the eyes..........at least I am alive!!!!!!!!! :p

Don't let the turkeys get you down.................... :cool:

Yes, exactly right! That's what I mean. :D

[Hesed]

Dear Hesed,,,
The wisdom of a person is directly related and inversly perportional to their level of compassion,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :D In laymans terms,,,,,,,,,"The less compassion they have,,,,the stupider they are :D
Love Jerry

Although I'm not keen on sexist stereotypes - even the "nice" ones, because not all women are compassionate - I agree totally that wisdom and compassion are related to each other, not mutually exclusive. :)

[Jerry]

Although I'm not keen on sexist stereotypes - even the "nice" ones, because not all women are compassionate - I agree totally that wisdom and compassion are related to each other, not mutually exclusive. :)
Dear Hesed,,,
Be assured that the word "person" in my post,was intended to make the statement gender nutural ;)
Love Jerry