long story short

[molehills]

We got involved with a "mission church." I should have known something was screwy about a mission church in an area with four churches of that specific sub group of Baptist withing 10 minutes drive of each other, but I was young. I wanted a place where I could really make a difference, and a tiny church offers a lot of opportunities to serve. They had us serving alright. We were doing things every night of the week. We didn't mind we loved the kids, we loved the work. We were enjoying giving of ourselves so freely. I should have noticed something was wrong when the pastor couldn't define grace, but I thought he was just having a senior moment. We thought the pastor's family was so good and healthy. They had five boys that were very involved in the church, and then things began to unravel. The facade gradually dissolved, and we realized that these people probably aren't even believers. They were in terrible debt, some of which they had dumped on their college age sons by using their credit cards without their knowledge or consent. The boys were running wild on the sly, and when the youngest slipped up in the birth control department we began to see how little they cared for true godliness. They immediately decided the two would get married even though they had known each other for only a little over a month. They moved the girlfriend/fiance into the basement of their home with their son. They refuse to allow the couple to attend real marital counseling at a sister church having the teen parents watch marriage counseling videos for middle aged adults instead. Simultaneously they began to accuse their only virtuous son of being rebellious, and when he confronted them according to the Biblical pattern they lost it. When I looked into the pastor's wife's eyes the day after that confrontation I realized that she would do whatever it took to shut us up and to get her world back under her control. I realized that there were no limits and no boundaries and that she bordered on mental unstable. I ran from there like a school girl. All courage and hope left me and I failed--at least that is how it seemed to me. I've been doing some reading lately, and Thomas Merton says we shouldn't put ourselves in situations beyond our ability. I also remembered that what God wants you to do he gives you the grace to do it, and I was not given the grace to carry through that one, so God must not have wanted me to go through with it all.

It was a very hard learning experience, but I've grown a lot. I've also learned a great deal as I fell back on my modus operandi when I'm afraid. I studied.

[joemama]

hey at least you had the courage to leave

[molehills]

leaving wasn't very courageous. At least I don't feel courageous. I feel like a stinking coward who put her family before Christ. I was supposed to stand up to them and then help them either accept the grace offered them or quit pretending to love Jesus. I was supposed to shut that false church down or set it free to really experience Jesus, but I ran away. I just left those kids in the middle of all that evil. I left all those senior citizens forking over their fixed incomes. I left that crazy woman in charge of a child and applying for a position as a foster parent (in order to use the stipend to fix their financial problems). I sang at those poor little kids wedding.

I really screwed up.

[Doug64]

Hi:

I don't think you screwed up at all.


Many of these groups are oblivious to any ideas except their own. You can talk until you are blue in the face and it won't make a bit of difference to such individuals.

It's sad that these things happen, but it isn't your fault nor is it your responsibility to fix it/them. It may take Jesus' return for that to happen.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Doug

[molehills]

Thanks, you know just saying out loud that I think I screwed up, to people who've been in churhces like the one I left was really healing. I went and had one of those healing naps where your mind seems to sort itself out in new and better ways. I've been carrying around my guilt about all that for too long, and it was really getting ugly.

I was in a position to have at least caused them to loose their status with their sending agency. They have at this point lost that, and a number of the older folks went and found a new church a year or two after we left, so maybe all the good that I wanted to do got done without me. Maybe that's why God seemed to support the idea of just running without looking back. I'm not sure how valuable it would have been to the kids for me to send their mother into a mental crisis either. Maybe what I did was the kindest thing to be done.

[Voyager]

If someone leaves a country with a corrupt dictator, did they "screw up"? Were they to blame because they didn't stay and change things? Were they selfish for leaving the other victims of the dictator behind when they escaped?

Just a little food for thought.

:cool:

[molehills]

:) Maybe I should change my avatar to Ginger from Chicken Run. I love that movie.

That's some very tasty food for thought, I'll give it a good chewin' over.

[molehills]

http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1098064/photo_18.jpg

just in case you haven't seen the movie

[Jerry]

We got involved with a "mission church." I should have known something was screwy about a mission church in an area with four churches of that specific sub group of Baptist withing 10 minutes drive of each other, but I was young. I wanted a place where I could really make a difference, and a tiny church offers a lot of opportunities to serve. They had us serving alright. We were doing things every night of the week. We didn't mind we loved the kids, we loved the work. We were enjoying giving of ourselves so freely. I should have noticed something was wrong when the pastor couldn't define grace, but I thought he was just having a senior moment. We thought the pastor's family was so good and healthy. They had five boys that were very involved in the church, and then things began to unravel. The facade gradually dissolved, and we realized that these people probably aren't even believers. They were in terrible debt, some of which they had dumped on their college age sons by using their credit cards without their knowledge or consent. The boys were running wild on the sly, and when the youngest slipped up in the birth control department we began to see how little they cared for true godliness. They immediately decided the two would get married even though they had known each other for only a little over a month. They moved the girlfriend/fiance into the basement of their home with their son. They refuse to allow the couple to attend real marital counseling at a sister church having the teen parents watch marriage counseling videos for middle aged adults instead. Simultaneously they began to accuse their only virtuous son of being rebellious, and when he confronted them according to the Biblical pattern they lost it. When I looked into the pastor's wife's eyes the day after that confrontation I realized that she would do whatever it took to shut us up and to get her world back under her control. I realized that there were no limits and no boundaries and that she bordered on mental unstable. I ran from there like a school girl. All courage and hope left me and I failed--at least that is how it seemed to me. I've been doing some reading lately, and Thomas Merton says we shouldn't put ourselves in situations beyond our ability. I also remembered that what God wants you to do he gives you the grace to do it, and I was not given the grace to carry through that one, so God must not have wanted me to go through with it all.

It was a very hard learning experience, but I've grown a lot. I've also learned a great deal as I fell back on my modus operandi when I'm afraid. I studied.
Yes,,,,,,I brought this whole wonderful post foreward.The last line of your post says it all,,,,,,,,,,,,,,NOW you have your defination of "Grace" ;)
Love Jerry

[molehills]

thank you, Jerry. It's nice to "meet you" after reading your very many kind posts.