a ? about my previous thread"confused"

[DLL]

i am on this roller coaster ride again. i felt so good all week especially about finding this website, then today i couldnt/didnt go to church...kept making excuses. but the real excuse is i just wanted to be alone again ,,for another day. seems like i am having alot of those days lately.really i just wanted to stay home and post this message but i kept talking myself out of it until it was too late to go. and today i started feeling the guilt and shame again of all this experience. the doubts of my ownership and contribution in all this. is this a normal part of the healing....1 step forward,2 back and vice versa. i havent felt as strong as i have this week ina long time so iam confused about what im feeling now. i am still feeling guilty at times for not doing the things I am "supposed "to be doing like going to church. the longer i stay out the harder it is for me to go but i just didnt feel like going today. and of course my husband would say that" we are not to base decisions on our feelings...they are deceptive and lead us into deceiving ourselves". i'm just wondering as to what level i'm deceiving myself. is my only worth to GOD when i'm doing the things that people think i should do? probably nobody missed me anyway and the judgements are only made up in my mind as to what i think they would say but its so hard to know what to tell yourself. which is part of the problem too. i talk to myself alot about this because i think i'd scare people off if i keep bringing it up. (let me know if you get tired of hearing it..ok) i mean , i avoid some people who seem to talk about the same old thing all the time so why woulndt other people. just feeling really down today. thanks for the shoulder
donna

[jane]

we are not to base decisions on our feelings...they are deceptive and lead us into deceiving ourselves".


I heard this a lot. I heard that I was too emotional. If I get upset or feel, I still hear that from a few people that used to go to my old church.

Where is that in the bible? Can anyone find it? I want to know!

Jesus wept in the garden of gethsethame. Jesus threw tables.


Here I was a social worker, trained to get people to recognize their feelings--walked in this church and I was seen as a voodoo doctor--"don't teach them to act on their feelings!"

well, why not? What is the scripture that supports this thought?


Sorry I am on my pedastal...The only thing that I can see in people when they act on their emotions is that they make decisions that are usually healthy for them. Are their times when we need to be slow to anger? Sure. The problem is, most of these churches use that kind of thinking to control all of our actions, not to teach us the balance of using our emotions in decision making.

Jane

[jane]

Donna,

I reacted to that "emotional" line without even talking to you, I am sorry. I know how you feel. I did not want to attend anymore while my husband was going. This happened in the church we were in for 7 years and in the church that he found this past year. I just couldn't go. I couldn't pretend to want to go. I felt like jezabel. How could I be a good wife and mother if I stayed home while they all went, what kind of example was I setting.

The only thing that I can say is that I believe Jesus knows what you are going through. I believe that IF you are being decieved that His love is strong enough to forgive you, reach you and draw you. If you beleive that He conquered death and Hades; then He has the control over any decieving demons....or us decieving ourselves. He found Paul on the road to Damascus; He knows where you live too.


Remind me because my brain is getting old, are you still in the church that you feel is spiritually abusive or in a new one?

Hugs,
Jane

[Kerrin]

I heard this a lot. I heard that I was too emotional. If I get upset or feel, I still hear that from a few people that used to go to my old church....The only thing that I can see in people when they act on their emotions is that they make decisions that are usually healthy for them. Are their times when we need to be slow to anger? Sure. The problem is, most of these churches use that kind of thinking to control all of our actions, not to teach us the balance of using our emotions in decision making.

Jane

Hi Donna, :)
Jane, you stay right on your pedestal!!
I isolated myself for months, too afraid to speak or see anyone because, "I may cry, or get angry or laugh .........in other words re-act out of emotion!"

Anyway ,since i started counselling I've started laughing again,and how weird a sound is that when you haven't heard it for so long? I've started crying which is even more scary but,what a release........etc
What my counsellor explained was how I need to learn to manage my emotions appropriatly ,you know, so I didn't break down and cry in the middle of a Staff meeting or something :o (It was all so foreign, I didn't know what was "normal")
So, I'm a work in progress.

Your point about Jesus; so Valid.........like all of His behaviour.
If we all would just turn to His example we would all be so much happier and healthier........instead of listening to these brainwashing Churches that teach us,and rob us, of the ability to "feel " any more, They like it when you're numb!
Especially women! :(

I was talking to a male youth group leader about this very thing last night.......but I've got to go to work.
I think what he said was important so I'll post it later and hope it helps.
Blessings,
Kerrin ;)

[DLL]

jane
im in my new church now. cant seem to get enough strenght to vist...VISIT... the old one yet.

[jane]

Donna,

There is probably a good reason that you don't have the strength to "visit" the old church.

How long have you and your husband been at the new one?

How long since you left the old one?


When we left the old church, last May, we believed that we just could not leave with out having a plan to enter another church. We were taught that people without a church end up being a "lone ranger" and going off on the deepend. They inevitably always walk away from the faith.

So we had a plan, we went right into another dysfunctional church! We were lucky that they were more insane than the first, so we did not hang around to play church with them very long.
At first, it was hard to go even though I did not know if they were healthy or not. I was exhausted. Exhausted from the 7 years of service to my old church; from the insane exiting experience that we went through, from the trying to jump through hoops to be good enough and so on.

After a divorce, it is recommended that you don't remarry or date for at least 2 years. I was single for 12 before marrying my current husband. Sometimes we need time to heal. So it would make sense to me that we would need some time to heal in between churches?

We have been in no church now since christmas time. I am still not ready to go to another. I feel the healing every day and more so since I am not involved in any church. Too many issues come up. I feel too tired. I know that I may someday be ready to go to church but for today, I am ok. I know that Jesus has never left me nor forsakes me. I am amazed to find that I have not walked away from Him. I always conditioned to think I would if I left them.

Anyway,
just want to be supportive. I don't believe that you are decieving yourself if you are too tired, emotional or just not ready to go to another church.

Love,
Jane

[bad girl]

Anyway, I think a break is a good idea too, though I enjoy worshipping in a church that's large and I can be lost in the crowd during the in between time. I truly believe there are churches out there that are genuinely good. Paul's day saw many a church mess, it's all through the new testament, but of course, the church thing was not ended.

The place where I play on the worship team now, though has been better than I ever imagined. They're breaking the mold even for my own ideas, and teaching Christ's love. It will be hard to move the kids there, but I'm thinking about it, though even being connected with a wonderful church by playing on the team, I never did commit to it. I think I was like you, just needing time. I am still hoping that I'll open that e-mail or get that phone message from my old church saying they want to work things out, but it's just a stupid idea I can't get out of my head and it's hard to commit somewhere when you don't have closure. It's been almost a year, but one day, one day, one day....... :o

Pat

[Jerry]

Dear Donna,,,
Often when we are exposed to truth after a long period of deception,,,it can be disoreninting.Returning to a church that you have uncovered as abusive is never a wise move,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Matt 12 verses 43-45 is some pretty good advice ;)
Love Jerry

[Kerrin]

Dear Donna,,,
Often when we are exposed to truth after a long period of deception,,,it can be disoreninting.Returning to a church that you have uncovered as abusive is never a wise move,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Matt 12 verses 43-45 is some pretty good advice ;)
Love Jerry

Dear Donna ,Pat, and anyone else; believe me this was such painful advice for me to take. :( :confused:

I was so alone and it got so bad no-one called or came around anymore!

I thought I would die/wished I could !
It seems like it went on for eon's :eek:
No contact with anyone in any meaningful way except at the shops or with my daughter!

NOW, I (very) slowly am finding new friends ,a new church, a new job, a NEW life...........and a life full of "abundance!!", which is what He promised , right???

My old church "thought" I needed a "break" due to all the usual reasons, (Rebellious, Jezebel, unsubmissive etc, un teachable) ,By isolating me they were teaching me to "grow up" :confused:

Yeah ,they taught me lots!
You couldn't pay me to go back there!
I'm taking back what they stole ,and some!!! :) :rolleyes:

Blessings to you all who have/are helping me find "me", with God ; and a relationship with HIM i never dreamed possible!
( Can't wait to have you all over for dinner in my "mansion" in the sky! one day :D )
Love,
Kerrin ;)

[DLL]

i think im falling in love with all you guys. you are so genuine and sincere. thanks for being there for and with me. i want to be there for you too. after i hear from you, i feel like i can take on the world(of course i dont want to try though)
much appreciation

[Kerrin]

i think im falling in love with all you guys. you are so genuine and sincere. thanks for being there for and with me. i want to be there for you too. after i hear from you, i feel like i can take on the world(of course i dont want to try though)
much appreciation

GO DONNA!!! :D
Sometimes it's really tough, and the good part is it gets better.......it doesn't get tougher , (Not here.........here ,you can just be YOU ; special and appreciated for who you are!)...
( They even let you make a fool of yourself, and have meltdowns, and you're still okay! :) :p )


When I became a Christian life just got so hard, and so I just began to "expect" everything to go wrong because I was"evil" and a 'terrible" ,hopeless sinner, and spent almost 10 years 'frozen' in fear!!! :(

A lot of hard yards behind me ,and a lot ahead but at least now, I'm moving.....and forward at that! :D
Love,
Kerrin ;)

[joemama]

hey, I'm with you.I feel the same way. Peace is when I am alone and not having to face these people or "worship" with a capital W.The church is not a building. The church is not a place--that's pretty much what the Bible says,right?God loves me and He loves you.so there!

[Doug64]

The church is the people.

Regarding attendance - usually the apostle Paul is quoted where he says 'forsake not the assembling of yourselves together." Most churches will say this is a command to be in church at least once a week.

For my wife and I, this one trumps that one - spoken by Jesus (a bit more of an authority than Paul); for where two or three are gathered together in my name, there will I be in the midst. So, I think He is with a couple, a family, two friends, etc.

We have been away from our former church for 6 years now, and rarely visit anywhere.
Very happy being churchless in the midwest.

Doug

[merry-go round horse]

I was so alone and it got so bad no-one called or came around anymore!



Oh Kerrin...me too. We were on staff for five years. The other pastors will not even say two words to us when confrontd ...alone. There must be something terrifying about meeting someone who doesn't fit the mold. I think we must have appeared to be nobodies fool when we first came. WHy else would a guy tell you. " I just didn't want to work with you!" Yeah..looking for someone more DYNAMIC...er....plastic.




"Churches are (often) for people who can't handle reality"

I think there are some good ones out there. We'll see. We are caustiously approaching the next one...but they are off the beaten path types of folks. I'm here for you friend in Christ :(

So sorry you have been sunjected to this sociological phenomena. Same thing happens when a bully beats up a kid in a school yard. Few kids interfere. They all become part of the normallcy and watch in disbelief many time. It's not that you are worthy of being a friend ...you just violated the prefect christian bubble norm rule. :)
MGRH

[merry-go round horse]

OOps..Spellcheck

Kerrin: I was so alone and it got so bad no-one called or came around anymore!



Oh Kerrin...me too. We were on staff for five years. The other pastors will not even say two words to us when confrontd ...alone. There must be something terrifying about meeting someone who doesn't fit the mold. I think we must have appeared to be nobody's fool when we first came. Why else would a guy tell you. " I just didn't want to work with you!" Yeah..looking for someone more DYNAMIC...er....plastic.




"Churches are (often) for people who can't handle reality"

I think there are some good ones out there. We'll see. We are caustiously approaching the next one...but they are off the beaten path types of folks. I'm here for you friend in Christ

So sorry you have been subjected to this sociological phenomena. Same thing happens when a bully beats up a kid in a school yard. Few kids interfere. They all become part of the normallcy and watch in disbelief many time. It's not that you aren't worthy of being a friend ...you just violated the prefect christian bubble norm rule.
MGRH
__________________
John 8:32 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)


32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."You shall know the truth...and the truth will set you free[SIZE=3]