returning to work

[jane]

I feel like I have PTSD from the church experience. I have been thinking about going back to work. The state child welfare department is offering an entrance exam which means that they will be hiring. I don't even know if I want to go back to work, but they start at almost $60, 000. and we could use the income to get this house fixed up quicker.

I am afraid. Afraid to apply, afraid to interview, afraid to not. I never had this kind of fear before. My confidence has been robbed.

My son will be in a full day program in the fall and my daughter would be ready for a daycare, she is so social and wants to go to school.

I am going to take the test, so please keep your thoughts and prayers for us. I just want this fear to go away. I am afraid of failing, of being rejected, of not being good enough, of my children being left in daycare, of not even being able to work with families that are suspected/guilty of child abuse. I never worried so much before about making mistakes, now I know that mistakes are costly.

Jane

[DLL]

i know how you feel, jane. after my experience with my old church, i quit my job(which we couldn't afford), cried all the time, slept when i wasn't crying but still had to live life for my 3 teenagers. i became so fearful (and still am!!) of making any decisions. it seems like making any choice about anything is the wrong thing to do so i just sat and tried to make no decisions at all...over anything. BUT that led to more enhanced spiritual control because ,out of my fear, i let my husband and the church members make my decsions since "i was incapable". until it got to the point where i couldnt think for myself.but i didnt see that at the time.
it wasnt until this year when i stood up to the preacher and church that i finally feel like im getting my life back....slowly, and little by little. it is still scary though because when i dont do what my husband wants(like go back to this church, but go to my own), i keep hearing how i am affecting the kids and having a negative impact on them because of rebellion. i did go back to work parttime this year though and glad i did. it forces me to have to make decisions and the more i make, the more confidence i regain. i still try to put all my confidence in GOD thoughbecause ultimately He has my life all planned out. and yours too. i will be thinknig about you as you go through this difficult time. and remember.."where sin(or mistakes) abounds, GRACE does MUCH MORE ABOUND."!! ;) donna

[Jerry]

Yes Jane your right,,,,,theres always the considerations,,,,,the endless considerations,,,,is this right for me,,,,,is it right for them,,,,,can I handel the pressure,,,,,,,what should I do?????????,,,,,Well there comes a time when there isn't much of you left,,,,,,there is just enough,,,,,,just enough of you left to put an end to it and saying,,,,,,,"Enough is Enough,,,damn the torpedos!!!!! full speed ahead !!!!!!!!!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hahahaha and besides,the money doesn't suck !!!!!! :D
Love Jerry

[Kerrin]

JANE,
I can't tell you how much I relate to this kind of fear!
I stopped working because I was told I had made my job idolatorous, and especially the money.
Cut a long story short, Financially it's been a nightmare!
To boot, they (the Church), convinced me that I wasn't a 'good" nurse and had NO leadership qualities at all ,dspite ALL my previous experience being in management.
'
As you know I went back to work 2 weeks ago!
(The interview :eek: I have no idea how I got through, beleiving their lies, I never expected to get the job!)
But i did!!
Now I'm really panicking.

I let some "cracks" show last week, being overhelmed at just going back to work, trying to get my daughter into a different routine, and the job has it's own problems/challenges!

Anyway, I think I was meant to Read your post!
It's saturday here and my employer phoned to ask "was everything ok?". we are meeting on Monday . ( Because "things "are not ok!).
I've been agonizing over whether I just kidded myself and "talked" my way into this job......that I REALLY am all the things they said I was. (That is, I'm not a good nurse, let alone a manager!). :confused:
( Sometimes I could scream at the lies I have been fed........because they won't erase!!!!)

How to overcome the fear of failure, rejection all over again???? :(

I don't know what to say except every day that I've gone to work I have had a panic attack or two or three!! :eek:

I "feel" I can do this!
BuT I'm so scared of "them" being right! :(

Jane,
You are an intelligent woman and from what I can gather more than capable,
hang in there, try to let "their "tapes go, and listen to who you really are!
And think of all those people missing out on your gifts and skills!! ;)

I guess I'm talking to myself as much to you!
You've encouraged me to go in Monday and say what's bothering me,(without getting personal), and ask for what I need to make the job easier!
What do I have to lose?

I hate Fear!! :o

God Bless you,
Love,
Kerrin ;)
( If ir's not offensive I will keep you in prayer; it helps me too!)

[Willow]

Hi Jane... I remember going through these kinds of fears. The first job I got ended unmercifully. After that I was even more gunshy. My advice? Keep walking through the doors and try not to think too far ahead. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's the only way I made it. I found an environment that built me up enough that I was able to go back into my profession within a year. It worked!

I was just thinking... do you realize how brave we all are?

[bad girl]

Jane,
During this past year when the marriage and church situation came to an explosive thing all at once, I went back to work part time. I was working a maternity leave for someone and she didn't come back, so they offered me the clinic for about 15 hours/week.

I have 3 older kids, so I'm pretty busy, but it's the best thing that ever happened to me this year.

for the past year, I didn't work, partly because I was doing so much with the church ministry (not for pay) it was like a part time job.

Anyway, I have been under the most stress of my life this year, but my job has turned out great. I enjoy my work and it has reminded me that I'm not worthless and that I can be respected. It was definitely a positive, though I was exhausted. It I used some extra money to treat myself to some clothes, make-up, anything that makes me feel better

I just wanted to pass along my encouragement. :)
Pat

[jane]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement.

I am going to apply. It never hurts to apply, right? I am told they will be hiring 200 social workers and I definitely have the experience. I have just been out of work for 5 years so I feel Rusty.

A lot of employers want to know why you left the workforce, "to raise your kids" isn't seen as a popular choice especially if the one interviewing has been a working mother.

I think it will do me good to get back in to the swing of things---and if I get hired, I am buying my kids that HUGE waterslide that they have at Walmart for $300!!!

Jane

[Kerrin]

I am going to apply. It never hurts to apply, right? I am told they will be hiring 200 social workers and I definitely have the experience. I have just been out of work for 5 years so I feel Rusty. A lot of employers want to know why you left the workforce, "to raise your kids" isn't seen as a popular choice especially if the one interviewing has been a working mother.Jane[/QUOTE]


Jane,
( I applied and sat outside the buiding for 5 minutes deep breathing and begging God to take over my voice 'cos I couldn't find it.....I was terrified even though know intellectually what my experience is!!) :o
I KNEW my employer would ask Why I had taken 12 months off!!
So I went prepared,and told the truth.
For me that was; I was working full time in a responsible position that demanded more than my scheduled time, and I pride myself on giving 110%, at the same time my 13 y/o was diagnosed with severe scoliosis and required immediate surgery, In fact Two operations of 8 hours each, 2 months in hospital and a whole term at home re-cuperating!
Even when she returned to School ,I had to drive her, carry books, and she had to start slowly etc... all a long process :eek:

So, I just told my prospective employer ,at the time I felt it unfair to the organisation to be left not knowing when I would return (especially as they were in the middle of a big project that involved my input........I helped them choose my successor).
She checked it with my previous employer, I didn't expect to get the job!
I tried to present a case of "priority setting" as opposed to being potentially un-reliable!
I had assured her my daughter is now fully well and able to participate in all contact sports again. (Which she is).
( OH, and I threw in that the time wasn't wasted becuase I learnt so much during that time off in ,attending seminars ,and just Amy's whole experience etc....that I would like to apply some ideas to my new position!!)
I guess that's being "creative" in an interview! :p (or Not)!

Anyway, I got the job as I left it in God's hands.
Now, I just HAVE to keep it, and NOT let my anxiety get the better of me ,which is what happened last week!! :eek:

Go for it Jane, re-read your description of yourself! :)
I'll be praying ,so those kids get that water slide from Walmart!
(What memories Walmart brings back!! LOL) :)

Love,
Kerrin ;)

[Jerry]

FEAR
False
Evidance
Appearing
Real
Love Jerry

[jane]

Thanks Jerry,
I am going to print that one out. I went on the employment website today and felt incredible fear!

They asked for 3 employer references and I panicked, I have been out of work for 5 years, could I even get 3????

Then I called the preschool that I wanted my daughter in and they don't take children until she is 3!

Then I watched cold case last night and it was about child sex ring--panicked! Can't leave my daughter anywhere!

Amazing how difficult a little decision can be when you self esteem seems so lacking. How'd it get this bad??

I am going to start by calling my old supervisor for an evaluation. I feel my heart going pitter patter! His supervisor told me that if I ever wanted my job back or a reference to call him-- I didn't even know him that well, but I will call him too.

Thanks for the acronym.

Jane

[Kerrin]

Jane,
It's my 3rd week in my new job,gotta go get ready,
I want to share with you how i'm "coping" because it's by a thread!!!
I NEED to do this I CAN do it!!
Can I tell ya'll later??? :o
Running scared right now,
Love
Kerrin :confused: ;)