Sick and tired and ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! DONE~

[Oopsie Daisey]

I am so tired of this kind of existance. I am too screwed up. I have tried and tried and tried and I just don't think like I should. My life is a mess and I can't do anything with it and I am tired of it. This isn't panic. It is reality. I have had it.

[ToT]

((((((((Melanie))))))))))))

I understand the feeling all to well. :( wish there was something I could say to help you. Will pray as able.

ToT

[Theodora]

I do understand....at least in part!.... how HARD your life has been of late, but you DO have doctors helping you and there ARE people "in your corner"----if only your on-line friends here. Hang in there and please be good to yourself today. And...please do keep us updated on how things are going, OK??? This message sounds like you perhaps should consider getting some "f-2-f" help TODAY. Please???


Love and prayers--

Theodora

[Theodora]

((((((((Melanie))))))))))))

I understand the feeling all to well. :( wish there was something I could say to help you. Will pray as able.

ToT


((((ToT)))))

Will be keeping you in prayer as well today. Thanks for taking the time to update me on your recent adventures! Will hope you're able to share more when you can. Sounds like it must have been an interesting trip!!

Blessings to you and yours this day.

Love,

Theodora

:)

[Oopsie Daisey]

There will be no face 2 face because there is not anyone to do it with. I cannot afford counseling and I have screwed everyone else. I have shared that in the past. I am sorry I posted it on the board. I will not do that ever again. Can't handle anymore.


I am sorry to put it so strongly. You didn't bring this on me... I did and I always do and I don't seem to stop it and I can't stand my life. I am tired of my life being so empty and all my attempt to do something about it end in failure and I am not up to anymore. Thanks for you note.


Wishing you the best with your wedding Theo.

[Emerging]

(((Melanie))), are you just really really really really really SCARED right now because of whatever? :eek: As Jerry would say Well, don't be!!! :o

Hon, if you slipped up, whoever totally understands OR they aren't worth very much of your time .... so NO WORRIES!!! :p

I do think you are triggering MAJOR right now .... and so I agree that some f2f sounds like a really good idea. If the cost is prohibitive, ... well, I do know that I have had miracles occur when I was writing things out ... miracles of clarity and healing and sometimes even having God's words to me coming out through my own writings! I really do think that getting "buildup" out of the way lets us much more clearly hear His words of loving support for us all. :)

Hang in there and PRAYERS of course for you!!!

[Oopsie Daisey]

I want to thank everyone for their very kind responses and posts. I am really angry at myself and of course very embarrassed and scared that I will lose my friend from my inability to communicate and hear what is being said. I am having a hard time moving on today and moving out of where I am at. I just wanted to thank everyone. I am so tired of being so quick to think the worst and tired of having all this negative junk in me. I am tired of me. I can't get out a prayer today let alone a discussion. I am sorry that I have made the posts that I have but want to thank you for being kind enough not to tell me off for it. Thank you so much.


Melanie

[Emerging]

(((Melanie))), it's also like a dam breaking, literally! NO WAY any of us alone can hold back the torrent of emotions that FLOOD through us when "whatever" happens and breaks a dam within us. ... We do however, our best to repair said dam because it's all we know and then wouldn't you know it .... PALOOSH!!!! IT goes and BREAKS again! Sheesh!!! Silly dam!! Doesn't it know that it's not supposed to keep doing the same thing?!?! :o

No, because it's just a dam doing it's ... darndest (ha - that was for you, Jerry!! :D ) to do what dams are supposed to do. So it will be rebuilt and it will break and this will keep happening while we are concurrently learning new and better ways of comping with life and all it offers/throws at us. :rolleyes:

Hang in there hon!! It's rough and it's scary but you ARE making it through!! PRAYING for you, for peace and clarity and ... joy, yep, that's JOY! :)

[Janice]

Hang in there (((((Melanie)))))!!!!!

[Oopsie Daisey]

Gosh Janice, I am but I am afraid I will go to hell at the rate I am headed by hanging in here. I think I am an addict and I know I shared with you what about but I think I must be one. Terrified to move and not to move. Geesh. Thanks for your support.

Melanie

[Oopsie Daisey]

Emerging:


Thank you for your supportiveness to me yesterday and for the emails and kind responses. I just want to say that it was a great source of strength. And yes I am home from my date last night and not to talkative about it at the moment. I lie to myself so much Emerging. Why can't I just let him go? He is good to me for his reasons.

Oh I need to go past this somehow....

Melanie

[Pepper]

Hi Melanie, I can relate to how you are feeling today. My wife and I were just discussing the wish that suicide was an option. It was only a discussion, and no ideation or plans, but still getting out of this life an on with life in Heaven sounds so much better than hanging around this life. And yet, I have learned that if we just hang in there and wait a little longer, joy does return in the morning. David lamented about the same kind of stuff when he asked the Lord to restore to him the joy of his salvation. Sometimes I just have to bury myself in "Christian stuff." I have already been to church once this morning and I am going again. It like if I were suffering from some late stage chronic illness, like alcoholism, I would be put in an intensive care program. The sicker I am, the more treatment I need. Spiritual/emotional illness yields to the same kind of treatment. I am one sick puppy, some days are worse than others. Those are the days I have to get out of "Babylon and spend some time in Jerusalem." Which is to say, I just spend as much concentrated time it Godly pursuits as I can. It is what gets me through the rough times.

[Oopsie Daisey]

Thank you Pepper! I just set here thinking that if I go to church, I will have to go back to ex-church and let them run my life and it is like, which is the lesser of the two evils.... I really want to run away but God has to give me the gas, a car, and a job and the insurance on the car to run away. I feel so stuck.

Thanks for relating what works. I do know that it does, it did in the past before everything went so whacko. Thanks.

Melanie

[Jerry]

Dear Melanie,,
Today is "Yom Kippur"(Day of Atonement)......Perhaps all of this is coming up this day for you for a reason.....Perhaps it is the day that you unload the baggage.The day you find rest in being renewed,,,,in knowing you are loved..
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Gosh Jerry so what do I do? I mean what do I do to have it all right in my life? SO I really am someone for God? I mean not for myself although I have my desires but really for God and my desires to line up with God's?

Just what do I do?

Hugs and many thanks,
Melanie

[Pilgrim]

Gosh Jerry so what do I do? I mean what do I do to have it all right in my life? SO I really am someone for God? I think the thing that attracted me so much to the REAL Christianity is the fact that I didn't have to DO anything. It was already done 2000 years ago, on a cross. I remember when I was a young Christian thinking, "I need to be a Christian today. Or, "I'm trying to act like a Christian". Finally an older brother in the Lord said to me, "Why are you "acting"? Why do you "need to be"... YOU ARE!

Then it hit me. I'm a woman. That's how I was born. Do I wake up and say, "Gee I sure hope I act like a woman today" (although there are times I SHOULD act more like a woman) :) or, "Gee I need to be a woman today". The fact of the matter is, no matter how I act, I am a woman.

Melanie, there's nothing you have to DO to have it all right in your life. YOU ARE SOMEONE FOR GOD!!!! Why? Because you act like it? We all bring shame to the family name at times. No, you are someone for God because you were bought with a price and adopted into the family! YOU'RE SOMEONE!!! A Christian!!! :) :D Isn't that great news? I know it was for me. And I do have to remind myself all the time. That's why Christianity is so freeing. Such good news! I don't deserve it but He loves me and He thinks I'm special! WOW!!!!

I know you're feeling discouraged. I'll be praying that God will give you what you need.

[Oopsie Daisey]

Pilgrim you are so right about concerning myself about bringing the family name shame. I think I was concerned about that from the time I was 10 years old and the more afraid I am the more I do it and the meaner and nastier I feel about it. Your comments were so genuinely appreciated and I sometimes have to have permission to just be. I think perhaps just like I was told I needed to change, I kind of need the permission to just be the Christian. I am suffering from one awful migraine from my performance trap today. I mean I know that is what it is from because I am tensed right up so afraid I will say or do the wrong thing and then it is back down I go. Thanks so much for your sharing and your sensitivity. It was so thoughtful and kind of you.

Much appreciated very much appreciated.

God Bless and I will try to keep that in mind and if I forget, please feel free to remind me.


Thank you,
Melanie

[Pilgrim]

I am suffering from one awful migraine from my performance trap today. I mean I know that is what it is from because I am tensed right up so afraid I will say or do the wrong thing and then it is back down I go. ((((Melanie)))) Hope your migraine gets better. Just snuggle in the arms of Abba and let Him minister to you and just be!

And please, feel free to remind ME too! ;)