Spiritual Addiction?

[LadyLavender]

Ugh! Does anyone else here struggle with this?
I dunno now if I really love the Lord or if i'm just accumulating more knowledge. Its all become so confused and burdensome that I feel like throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I mean like REALLY throw the baby out...
Its like every day of my life i'm thinking of something spiritual and its really getting OLD right about now. I can't seem to have normal conversations with people. I'm always looking up some sort of devotional, or MAKING SURE that I have quiet time with the Lord, or even when I watch tv or a movie I see spiritual themes. Its really sickening me now. I'm tired. I wish my mind would just be quiet. I felt so bad last night. All I could keep saying was "I wish I would just sleep and never wake up." Its either very very spiritual, or very carnal with me. There is no balance. Its like I go very carnal just to offset the spiritual nuttery.
Either way i'm miserable.
And get really pissed at myself and way pissed at God.
:(
LadyLavender

[Theodora]

...since that is that case, I'm really hesitant to post in response to this post about your dilemma, but I did want you to know that I'm "listening" and will be lifting you in prayer today.

If you're interested, there is a wonderful on-line series of counseling booklets at http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/topics.html From what I've seen, they make a concerted effort to sort out personal "issues" from "spiritual" ones....and, they certainly do not condemn anyone for being "angry at God"---and I've found that very reassuring.

Abbey Press also has an extensive series of pamphlets for ALL sorts of issues which I've liked because they are topic-specific, GENTLY guide you THROUGH a consideration of different aspects of the problem and then close with a positive thought AND a mini-bibliography for further reading, if you're interested. Their on-line catalog is at http://www.carenotes.com They're currently featuring an booklet on-line as well. This is "Finding Peace in an Age of Anxiety." !!! Thought it might be worth looking at....in spite of everything else you've been reading too.

Please do "take what works and leave the rest." I CAN empathize with you in your dilemma and---if it were appropriate and either of us had the time to do so---could probably give you a mini-"book" on the personal issues which your question has awakened in me.

HOWEVER, I have a son getting married in a WEEK....so you'll be spared this for now. Aren't you lucky???!?! LOL!!! ;) :D

Your prayers appreciated for what has been and will be a VERY "intense" time for us. (If you've not caught some of my earlier posts on this forum, our son is a Marine and has now been gone almost a year, with the exception of a few brief leaves home. He's now stationed in Miramar, Calif., but is flying home to have a more formal ceremony/wedding "blessing" with his bride, whom he had married in a Las Vegas wedding this past Easter.) To put it mildly, all of this has had us REALLY scrambling to try to keep up/"process" the emotions etc.!

Blessings to you and yours this day. Life CAN be VERY hard and God's ways are on on-going mystery---DUH!!!---but, even in the midst of dark times, good things can emerge.

I hope you will be given a glimpse of what some of those blessings might be for you today. As I said, you will be in my prayers.

Theodora

[Emerging]

(((LadyL))), I think Theo has a great idea about researching what's going on, but I do know that when we've been sucked dry by churches or bad relationships or whatever, it leaves a hole in our soul that does make us prey to addictions of ALL types ... because addictions SEEM to so quickly and totally fill that hole in our souls .... SEEM because in truth they do not. :rolleyes:

I think you are totally right that we can become addicted to *anything* ...

PRAYING for you to be filled with peace and to find the answers you seek. :)

[ex-shep]

[QUOTE=Emerging][COLOR=Plum][B](((LadyL))), I think Theo has a great idea about researching what's going on, but I do know that when we've been sucked dry by churches or bad relationships or whatever, it leaves a hole in our soul that does make us prey to addictions of ALL types ... because addictions SEEM to so quickly and totally fill that hole in our souls .... SEEM because in truth they do not. :rolleyes:

I think you are totally right that we can become addicted to *anything* ...


Oh that God sized hole. I have been recovery for 18 years. Multiple addictions can be a real trial. I heard a man in a meeting make the comment that managing our addictions is like sitting a bathtub of ping pongs and try to keep the all under water. If it not the and love addiction, it the neigborhood bakery. If not that then the mall. After that I can load up on 20 hours of religious programming and church services. It is maddening.

In situations like these, I cannot help but think of the 1970's Alka Seltzer commercials of "Try it, you'll like" and the immortal favorite, " I can't believe I ate the whole thing"

In those situations I have to be very still and see if I can an inkling of what isssues I am not dealing with-- or it just faulty neurophysiology and that is where am today.

A very timely topic for me. I have been broadsided with every temptation imaginable this week. Of course stressors for me are easy. The company financial report came out and it does not look pretty [Can you say "resume"?] Of course we are again in crisis mode with Jeanne impacting our Florida operations. Thanks for letting post.

[Emerging]

Oh that God sized hole. I have been recovery for 18 years. Multiple addictions can be a real trial. I heard a man in a meeting make the comment that managing our addictions is like sitting a bathtub of ping pongs and try to keep the all under water. If it not the and love addiction, it the neigborhood bakery. If not that then the mall. After that I can load up on 20 hours of religious programming and church services. It is maddening. In situations like these, I cannot help but think of the 1970's Alka Seltzer commercials of "Try it, you'll like" and the immortal favorite, " I can't believe I ate the whole thing" In those situations I have to be very still and see if I can an inkling of what isssues I am not dealing with-- or it just faulty neurophysiology and that is where am today. A very timely topic for me. I have been broadsided with every temptation imaginable this week. Of course stressors for me are easy. The company financial report came out and it does not look pretty [Can you say "resume"?] Of course we are again in crisis mode with Jeanne impacting our Florida operations. Thanks for letting post.

Hey Ex Shep, you are right on dude!! Like you, I have to wonder if I'm reacting to something current, something I perceive is impending, something from the past, ... or "just for the .... heck of it"!! :D

I did discover this week that homeopathic Ignatia is very needed by me right now and I wish I knew enough to tell you why. But as long as I take it as needed, I can actually feel my nerves calm! For now, the incessant HUNGER demanding CONSTANT and CONTINUAL OVER-FEEDING ... is gone when the Ignatia is working. [if interested, some info is at http://abchomeopathy.com/ , where they have all sorts of info and a computerized "remedy finder" .... but ... IF you are on meds do NOT just start taking anything else without consulting a knowledgable doctor!] .... bottomline is that this is the first time in (ever?) that something is beginning to be healed enough that I am not a complete slave to my God-sized hole. :eek: :p

But as we continue to heal our support needs change so this may not work so great "in a while". :rolleyes: ... hmm, I did need homeopathic Arsenicum Album last cold season, but will I this year? Well, last summer I couldn't eat rice but did need corn and that is reversed this year ... healing sure keeps us on our toes!:D ... which is all to say that we do need multiple sources of support so that we can stay on top of things as our healing does lead, I think, to a "continually changing landscape". ... :rolleyes:

Blessings to all as we seperately yet unitedly move forward along our healing journies. :)

[Jerry]

Dear LadyLavender,,,,
It's a normal feeling your having,,,,,,,,,,See that's what was done to us,,,,we had our humaness devided from our spirit by our abusers...Abusers oh so want to rise above humanity but they can't because of what they/we are.We are all spirits riding a horse named body......Don't worry you'll figure how to stay on your horse,,,,,you knew how once,,,,,it will come back to ya ;)
Love Jerry

[Sheep]

LadyLavender,

My pendelum still swings, but I know I will become balanced again! You will too!!!!

Sincerely,

Sheep