Satscout
09-24-2004, 08:20 PM
h.a.l.t.... they need to make that P.P.H.A.L.T (that first part sounding like a "raspberry") - Physical Pain, Hungry, ANGRY, Lonely, Tired.
This is the condensed version of the last couple of days.
A day or two ago, I bashed my inside right calf trying to get over the gate out of the work room to go open the door for Andrew - except it wasn't the bus, it was something else, and I have a huge bruise for NOTHING. It aches something horrible. It's hard to put weight on that side. And my LEFT foot and leg are hurting because of favoring the right.
I don't get much sleep anyway. Yesterday while I was trying to get Andrew ready for school, I get a phone call - my husband, from a pay phone, saying his car died and could I PLEASE come jump him? So after the bus leaves - a time I normally get some sleep - I'm out to where my husband SAID he was. Only he's not in front of the store where the phone was. He's on the other end of the parking lot... I found him, tried and failed to jump his battery, then we called AAA on my cell phone... the responding company sent out the "battery guy" because it would be AT LEAST four hours if we wanted to wait for a tow. He jumped it but said we had some bad cells... and a battery from his truck would cost $90 but from a store would be less... we got to a store, only to be told the terminal screw plug things on the side were stripped and we had to get new ones but they were out and if we went somewhere else and got some they could TRY to test the old battery - or just give up and put another one in... so we ran to ANOTHER store, got the terminal things, came back to find the lady who was helping us had gone to lunch.
By this time it was after 12:30 and no end in sight, and I normally start work at 1, so I had to call and let them know I didn't know when I would be starting. *rolls eyes* Eventually we just got a new battery, got home, got HIM turned around for work, got ME started - at 2:30 - with Andrew coming home at 3 and the EI at 3:30... and of course, stuff was going wrong with work and it got bad, nasty quick. I still don't know what repercussions I'm going to face when my dept director reads my time sheet for this week. *sigh*
So by this morning, I wasn't in the best of condition to meet the challenge of payday weekend all screwed up. It has been a long-standing problem that whenever they schedule my husband for second on payday Saturday, I have to find some other way to get the running done. They scheduled him for second. Again. AND they put him on 11 to 5 today, which meant he wasn't home yet when I had to leave to get to the library and the bank before THEY closed (6 pm). With Andrew in tow. Not fun at all.
I got back to drop off Andrew, then buzzed to the pharmacy, grocery store, Costco, and Wal-Mart. Trying to do the entire thing in one night is NOT fun, either from a sheer walking standpoint or an unloading standpoint. (That is, anything I get from the store, I have to get into the apartment by myself. Great motivation to shop light. :( )
I forgot to mention that while we were going into the library, Andrew gave a hard jerk on my right hand and pulled the finger *pop* out (it went *pop* right back in, but MAN did it hurt). I was seeing stars for the next five minutes. Not a good way to get books back that were due today.
The other big disadvantage to trying to do it all on Friday night is that by the time I get back, it's dark - which makes unloading difficult with no light to work with. I walked in the door with the first load only to find Andrew with videos scattered on the floor (he's only allowed to have one out at a time, and they're up high, so normally I can prevent this...), his jacket and hat crumpled in a pile with toys scattered blocking the way to walk to bring the bags in, and - what finally broke my steely resolve - he had pulled the laces out of his shoes. It was that "one more thing" that was just too much.
Australia isn't near far enough. Pluto, maybe?
I got the groceries in - my husband had already changed for bed - and got them put away, but I was crying the whole time. And Andrew was making noise. I just couldn't take it anymore. Yes, I yelled at him. No, it didn't do any good. I just sat in a crumpled heap and sobbed. And then sobbed some more when I realized I wouldn't get to rest any since after getting everything put away and grabbing a bite to eat, I would have to get back to work. (Complicated computer thing that means I have to be done by midnight. Yes, I'm almost done and will be getting back to work. :\)
So I finally regain some minimal level of composure, and I'm saying how I just can't do this anymore - trying to do everything and be everywhere I'm supposed to be, and get everything done for minimal survival and keep from getting fired in the bargain. And as if things couldn't get worse - my husband starts in on the "what do you want me to do? quit?" thing again. He has been trying for MONTHS to get me to come to the point where he can leave the current job and blame it on ME when we run out of money. It's a huge mind game - he doesn't want to quit and have it be HIS fault. It has to be MY fault somehow. Which means to satisfy him, I have to get to the point where I will accept him quitting as a better alternative to dealing with the scheduling Cr*p they have been dishing out. This isn't the first time I have had to "deal with it" regarding payday Saturday. It keeps happening and happening - and not only is my husband unwilling to push the issue (why should he? I'm the only one suffering here), he is openly hoping I will break to the point where I can justify him quitting his job. I don't want to give him the satisfaction, for one thing, and we need the money. We can't live on my salary alone.
So when I wouldn't give him THAT satisfaction, he played on the string "I probably won't be able to keep the job much longer anyway with the car dying on me" and a detailed list of all the troubles the car has been giving him. *pulls out hair*
And if ANY of you have read this far, congratulations... it's more than I expected...
Maybe, just maybe, when the sun comes up, I can sleep. And if God is merciful, I won't wake up (this side of heaven).
And if He chooses the opposite of mercy, maybe tomorrow I will read any responses to this post. *shrug* I'm not expecting mercy.
This is the condensed version of the last couple of days.
A day or two ago, I bashed my inside right calf trying to get over the gate out of the work room to go open the door for Andrew - except it wasn't the bus, it was something else, and I have a huge bruise for NOTHING. It aches something horrible. It's hard to put weight on that side. And my LEFT foot and leg are hurting because of favoring the right.
I don't get much sleep anyway. Yesterday while I was trying to get Andrew ready for school, I get a phone call - my husband, from a pay phone, saying his car died and could I PLEASE come jump him? So after the bus leaves - a time I normally get some sleep - I'm out to where my husband SAID he was. Only he's not in front of the store where the phone was. He's on the other end of the parking lot... I found him, tried and failed to jump his battery, then we called AAA on my cell phone... the responding company sent out the "battery guy" because it would be AT LEAST four hours if we wanted to wait for a tow. He jumped it but said we had some bad cells... and a battery from his truck would cost $90 but from a store would be less... we got to a store, only to be told the terminal screw plug things on the side were stripped and we had to get new ones but they were out and if we went somewhere else and got some they could TRY to test the old battery - or just give up and put another one in... so we ran to ANOTHER store, got the terminal things, came back to find the lady who was helping us had gone to lunch.
By this time it was after 12:30 and no end in sight, and I normally start work at 1, so I had to call and let them know I didn't know when I would be starting. *rolls eyes* Eventually we just got a new battery, got home, got HIM turned around for work, got ME started - at 2:30 - with Andrew coming home at 3 and the EI at 3:30... and of course, stuff was going wrong with work and it got bad, nasty quick. I still don't know what repercussions I'm going to face when my dept director reads my time sheet for this week. *sigh*
So by this morning, I wasn't in the best of condition to meet the challenge of payday weekend all screwed up. It has been a long-standing problem that whenever they schedule my husband for second on payday Saturday, I have to find some other way to get the running done. They scheduled him for second. Again. AND they put him on 11 to 5 today, which meant he wasn't home yet when I had to leave to get to the library and the bank before THEY closed (6 pm). With Andrew in tow. Not fun at all.
I got back to drop off Andrew, then buzzed to the pharmacy, grocery store, Costco, and Wal-Mart. Trying to do the entire thing in one night is NOT fun, either from a sheer walking standpoint or an unloading standpoint. (That is, anything I get from the store, I have to get into the apartment by myself. Great motivation to shop light. :( )
I forgot to mention that while we were going into the library, Andrew gave a hard jerk on my right hand and pulled the finger *pop* out (it went *pop* right back in, but MAN did it hurt). I was seeing stars for the next five minutes. Not a good way to get books back that were due today.
The other big disadvantage to trying to do it all on Friday night is that by the time I get back, it's dark - which makes unloading difficult with no light to work with. I walked in the door with the first load only to find Andrew with videos scattered on the floor (he's only allowed to have one out at a time, and they're up high, so normally I can prevent this...), his jacket and hat crumpled in a pile with toys scattered blocking the way to walk to bring the bags in, and - what finally broke my steely resolve - he had pulled the laces out of his shoes. It was that "one more thing" that was just too much.
Australia isn't near far enough. Pluto, maybe?
I got the groceries in - my husband had already changed for bed - and got them put away, but I was crying the whole time. And Andrew was making noise. I just couldn't take it anymore. Yes, I yelled at him. No, it didn't do any good. I just sat in a crumpled heap and sobbed. And then sobbed some more when I realized I wouldn't get to rest any since after getting everything put away and grabbing a bite to eat, I would have to get back to work. (Complicated computer thing that means I have to be done by midnight. Yes, I'm almost done and will be getting back to work. :\)
So I finally regain some minimal level of composure, and I'm saying how I just can't do this anymore - trying to do everything and be everywhere I'm supposed to be, and get everything done for minimal survival and keep from getting fired in the bargain. And as if things couldn't get worse - my husband starts in on the "what do you want me to do? quit?" thing again. He has been trying for MONTHS to get me to come to the point where he can leave the current job and blame it on ME when we run out of money. It's a huge mind game - he doesn't want to quit and have it be HIS fault. It has to be MY fault somehow. Which means to satisfy him, I have to get to the point where I will accept him quitting as a better alternative to dealing with the scheduling Cr*p they have been dishing out. This isn't the first time I have had to "deal with it" regarding payday Saturday. It keeps happening and happening - and not only is my husband unwilling to push the issue (why should he? I'm the only one suffering here), he is openly hoping I will break to the point where I can justify him quitting his job. I don't want to give him the satisfaction, for one thing, and we need the money. We can't live on my salary alone.
So when I wouldn't give him THAT satisfaction, he played on the string "I probably won't be able to keep the job much longer anyway with the car dying on me" and a detailed list of all the troubles the car has been giving him. *pulls out hair*
And if ANY of you have read this far, congratulations... it's more than I expected...
Maybe, just maybe, when the sun comes up, I can sleep. And if God is merciful, I won't wake up (this side of heaven).
And if He chooses the opposite of mercy, maybe tomorrow I will read any responses to this post. *shrug* I'm not expecting mercy.