Get to go out tonight....

[Oopsie Daisey]

I have been asked out tonight and I am going. Don't know where and what time yet but I am going and I am going to have fun. I just would like to shake some looney ideas. I have a wonderful brother who helps me shake them once in a while and tonight was one of them when I called him. I always like to let someone know who I am with. I guess that is from a friend getting killed and we could never locate his vacationing brother. Anyway, the other part has to do with things that were said to manipulate me into place and that was the other thing done by the church. They never wanted me to date and always told me everyone was unequally yoked if they didn't attend their church... so here I am .... I want to date and my date is like me another Pk and I have enjoyed his friendship for many, many, many, many years. That is a good way not to say my age. LOL... Our break from one another has finally came to an end and we are going to start seeing one another on friend basis. Our time away from one another was for healthy perspectives in our personal lives and we feel that while we haven't arrived that they are better than what we were. I am going to enjoy my night and enjoy the friendship with this longtime dear friend.

Have a good evening everyone.
Keep me in your prayers. I am very frightened of dating again but I also look forward to it.

[Emerging]

...

[Jerry]

GOOD FOR YOU MELANIE!!!!! :D
Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

I didn't go out tonight. I put an expectation on tonight that wasn't there. I feel really embarrassed and like a big time loser. I thought the way a certain conversation was held that we had plans for tonight and there were none that included me. I feel really stupid and worse yet, I over reacted and told him to have a nice life. I ended up calling him to see what had happened and I found out he had gone to a meeting and that he had just got through the door at around 11:30...and then I felt really stupid because I sat here all made up and ready and I never let it go until I heard him say he just got home and was heading to bed. I had to email him and tell him what I done about putting expectations on him and what I thought was happening because I was rather abrupt and couldn't get off the phone fast enough with my reacting. I became a basket case when I realized that it was me and I didn't hear right.


Feeling really stupid.

Good night.
Melanie

[Oopsie Daisey]

P.S. I am terrified of wrecking the relationship. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED. I wished I didn't like him so much. I have loved him for years but I like him very much. I think I have a cruel mouth and think horrible thoughts. I am very afraid I hurt him and wrecked it all. Thanks for letting me vent. This abusive me. Scared out of my wits.

[Jerry]

MELANIE!!!!!YOUR NOT A LOOSER!!!!!!YES YELLING ;) It is ok to misunderstand,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it is ok to feel hurt,,,,,,,,,,,,even a little misguided anger is no big deal...........Just explain to him that you misunderstood,,,,
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

Thank you Jerry. You know what the worst part was? I didn't realize I was doing it. I can't believe I set myself up with such a dream... I can't believe I did it to me. I did send him an email and explained what I done and how I came to the conclusion and I put in it that it was not on his part but certainly on my part that I drew wrong conclusions. But I was so abrupt when I dialed his phone number and he didn't seem to even feel or sound even remotely concerned that he was getting a call from me. He didn't even act nervous...and so I didn't trust me and part of me wanted him to feel guilty and repentant and so I was trying to hurry off the phone. I want a relationship but I don't know if I am capable of having one going around and misunderstanding and then hurt because I was the idiot that misunderstood. I don't want to hurt him.

[Jerry]

Tell him that then!!!!!!He will understand.I bet you looked nice tonight :)

[Oopsie Daisey]

O I tried to look nice tonight. I put on his favorite outfit. IT is a brown cow girl outfit. It is a brown skirt with a vest and a plaid shirt and he loves it. Don't know why...but he likes it. I didn't look to good with the looks I had on my face as it was getting later and later...GOsh I was a mean old lady. :mad: :confused: :o

[Velveteen Rabbit]

AAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( I'm so sorry, Melanie!!!!!!!!! I hate it when these things happen!! :confused:

* big hugs *

Man, this situation reminds me a bit of the dynamics between me and J -- me thinking something he said meant something when it really never did... me having expectations that were too high. I wasn't wrong and he wasn't wrong -- we were just on totally different pages.

Please don't be hard on yourself tonight, Melanie! I believe God will get you through this.

Love,

VR

(Okay, NOW good night!) :)

[Oopsie Daisey]

VR:

Thank you and I think you said it so well. Thank you for using your experience to help me. I guess I viewed it one of us had to be wrong. You certainly have a healthier way of me viewing it than I was. Thank God you and Jerry were still up. WOW ... I think your right about the expectations too! That is me too !!!! Thanks so much it is so appreciated and good night and GOD BLESS YOU!

[Theodora]

I caught your earlier post about plans for the evening and was so pleased for you, thinking you'd have a GOOD way to end the week after having such a stressful time at your interview ON TOP of still recovering from your illness....and then to have your friend not be there AND not seem to think anything was wrong. Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! :eek:

In any case, I hope you are now sleeping and will not continue to "blame" yourself in the morning for what seemed to be an honest misunderstanding. I also hope and pray that you won't use ONE incident to convince yourself that you can't now proceed with trying to build a better relationship with this person....or anyone else.

As I see it, you've been in the middle of SO much negativity, that it's hard NOT to buy into what seems to be a "consensus" of YOUR being the "difficult person" who is not able to have a relationship. Even if you HAVE had problems, that is just ONE part of who you are and, from what you've shared with us here, we ALSO know that you have SUCH a loving heart and such deep empathy with people that you would be a TREASURE to know.

DO remember also, dear one, how much our physical challenges affect our emotions. You are still in the process of healing from a VERY serious, very complicated illness. DO be as gentle with yourself as possible and do NOT draw any conclusions about your future based on your present challenges, OK???

Much love and many prayers--

Theodora

[Velveteen Rabbit]

Hey Melanie,

I'm so glad something I said helped you feel a little better!!!! :)

Hang in there!

VR