I miss the support, but not the abuse.

[Voyager]

I sure don't miss being in an abusive church. At times I really miss the support system, but I could never go back to the abuse just to get the support. It's not worth losing my identity and complying to a set of man-made doctrines again.

It's sad to admit this, but I'd much rather be welcomed with open minds and arms by "heathens" than to be burned at the stake by Christians for not measuring up.

:(

[pblondeau46]

I sure don't miss being in an abusive church. At times I really miss the support system, but I could never go back to the abuse just to get the support. It's not worth losing my identity and complying to a set of man-made doctrines again.

It's sad to admit this, but I'd much rather be welcomed with open minds and arms by "heathens" than to be burned at the stake by Christians for not measuring up.

:(


Hi Voyager

I understand completely and I agree with you. I can finally form my own opinions about what I believe rather than taking on someone else's beliefs. I found it was harder to hear God when the preacher taught because guilt, going with the flow, being accepted, he knows best, would always block me.

It used to be that I would feel it was wrong to stay away from church just so I could hear God or my own thoughts. Not anymore...........God help me if I'm rebellious, but I rather be rebellious than

[Turtle]

I sure don't miss being in an abusive church. At times I really miss the support system, but I could never go back to the abuse just to get the support. It's not worth losing my identity and complying to a set of man-made doctrines again.

It's sad to admit this, but I'd much rather be welcomed with open minds and arms by "heathens" than to be burned at the stake by Christians for not measuring up.

:(

...my feelings to a T :(

Lately I'm missing the support system, AGAIN. I thought that eventually I might not feel like this, but it comes and goes. The in-betweens are getting better. I would never, ever, EVER...go back to the church, of the abuse. That is so freeing to have walked away from.

I do go to a church now, that I like what I hear, but my walls are mile high. I'd rather be "safe than sorry".

Thanks for your well said thoughts.

[Janice]

I hear ya Voyager! Thursday night we have our "Annual Congregational Meeting".
That's when you review the past yr., elect new officers, etc.

My hubby is not up this year (I wish he was!). He still has 2 more yrs. on the board. *sigh*

I hate these meetings. I feel like such an outcast when they pass around the ballots to vote and just pass me by because I'm not a member so I can't vote.
(How dare they allow a smoker to be a member!!)

I can't even voice my opinion about anything becasue Pastor will just shoot it down saying, "Well...technically you're not a member so you don't have a say".

The only reason I keep attending these meetings is because I want to support my hubby and PRAY during the meeting for the outcome of various issues.

[jane]

Voyager,

When I start thinking about missing people, I remind myself that the support I miss was not really there. I had contact with people, my children had good programs to attend and there were a lot of social events that were fun. I felt like I was part of a family.

But when push came to shove, when we experienced real pain, there was no one around. The supports that we thought were there were actually never there. It was an illusion of support.

Yes, we miss fellowship. We miss being part of something bigger than ourselves. And darn if it is not hard to get out of that pattern of feeling awkward on Sundays because we were trained to be in a church.

The reward of finding ourselves again, our sense of family, our dreams and even that voice that truely belongs to God. . . . well that makes it all worth it.

:) :) Jane

[Pinkie Pie]

That nails it for me. I couldn't figure out why I was missing some of the people who were the most abusive to me. Then after reading these posts, I realized that it was the socializing and fellowship and fun I missed, because these people were definitely not supportive when the chips were down, and if I am truly honest, the "fun" was laced with anxiety (for me) and insecurity, because I never knew who would turn on me or when. Something I STILL am trying to overcome, the fear that someone will turn on me.

I was starting to feel melachony about the church I am at now, wondering if I was missing something because it isn't "electric" with ministries and constant activities and stuff. But one thing is for sure, I get support, and that is what matters and what had been sorely lacking in my life.

[Voyager]

I felt like I was part of a family.
That's the part I miss. The "feeling" of having a caring family. Even though it wasn't real, it felt real for a while. Maybe if I didn't have a dysfunctional family, I wouldn't have joined to begin with.

And darn if it is not hard to get out of that pattern of feeling awkward on Sundays because we were trained to be in a church.
It just takes time. I'm over it now after five years.

The reward of finding ourselves again, our sense of family, our dreams and even that voice that truely belongs to God. . . . well that makes it all worth it.
Wouldn't trade it for the world. Your identity is yours, and no one else should ever be allowed to control it again.

:cool:

[Kerrin]

...my feelings to a T :(

Lately I'm missing the support system, AGAIN. I thought that eventually I might not feel like this, but it comes and goes. The in-betweens are getting better. I would never, ever, EVER...go back to the church, of the abuse. That is so freeing to have walked away from.

I do go to a church now, that I like what I hear, but my walls are mile high. I'd rather be "safe than sorry".

Thanks for your well said thoughts.

Ditto, and Ditto!
I have found I am being welcomed by non-christians!
The very people i was told to stay away from have/are proving to be the most gracious,caring and generous!
I won't go back to Church again!
I can't guarentee my walls will go high enough!
Kerrin ;) :confused: