on laying down of supersuits

[Willow]

I was pondering my past just now and thought I'd write a little. The pressure on me to be some sort of superangel was phenomenal. The pressure on church leadership to be superhuman is phenomenal. The largeness of the programs and the technicality needed to fill the shoes to run the programs was phenomenal. Florence's description of her job prompted the feeling of overwhelmedness that I used to have on a daily basis. My job "was" her job. It really took me back. In retrospect, I couldn't do it again. I'm now too comfortable being "just amy" at this point in my life. Back then though... the goal of my life was to perform and be over-the-top good at worship coordination. I'm one that "didn't get paid" and really wanted to be paid. I can't remember who was talking about "those kind of people". I was "those kind of people". :rolleyes: You need to understand though... The job I was doing couldn't be done in less than 20 hours a week and that was minimal coverage. The music program could have been soooo much better if I'd had say... 50 hours a week to devote. Anyway... so here I am reminiscing. Burnout took its toll and just heariing Florence describe what she does made me have a sort of panic attack. It's very overwhelming really... I wouldn't wish anyone on this earth to do a job like that without getting paid. Thankfully I never had to direct choirs. There was another fella that did that.

I still prefer a small home setting with a guitar and a couple pitched in voices. I'll always be a small group girl. Even when I was leading with a 12 piece orchestra... I still preferred those off-night services and bible studies where worship was quiet and intimate and I could just close my eyes and get lost in the music along with everyone else in the room.

OK... no point really... I'm just writing because of the large internal reaction I had. Not of anger or injustice or anything I can put my finger on. It was just a raw flailing of my inner angst that needed to be written.

[Willow]

I'm still thinking about this.... the temptation is to say... hey... I am a "used to be". Ever hear of people who are all wrapped up in what they "used to be"? It's hard not to look back and think that I could have been "someone special" if I had just stuck with the program at church. Not many people get to stand on the platform over the masses. It makes me feel sick sometimes that I gave up the notoriety. Then.... I have to discipline myself to be humble and to only be "me". I'm not a superstar.... I'm not the special annointed of God. I'm not the mighty woman of God (common terminology in my last church). Toward the end of my time there I began correcting those who said that... that I was a woman with a mighty God. Now.... I would tell them, I'm no better than the person next door. There's something inside of me that wants to "be somebody". To be adored and special. Maybe that's in all of us... do you think?

[Willow]

so am I making ya'll wanna puke yet? It is all about me ya know! :confused:

[jane]

Warning; Going to refer to the bible



Toward the end of my time there I began correcting those who said that... that I was a woman with a mighty God. Now.... I would tell them, I'm no better than the person next door. There's something inside of me that wants to "be somebody". To be adored and special. Maybe that's in all of us... do you think?


We were trying to be a mighty man or woman of God too, what an excellant come back.

Your answer reminds me of Paul. In the begining of his ministry he would say things like, "I am the least of apostles" humble but yet wait; later he said, "I am the least of sinners" more humble? but wait, several years later he said, "I am the chief of sinners." even more humble.

I guess the more we become in the image of Christ perhaps the more we become aware of our need for Him. "I am no better than the person next door." :)


Jane

[Jerry]

Dear Willow/Jane :D
I think when we succede when we are successful in a given minestery,it's ok to a point,,, to look in the mirror and say "Hey that worked out well and I feel pretty special",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just don't fall in "Love" with the guy,,,,,,he's only a reflection ;)
Love Jerry

[Katie]

Willow, I understand what you are saying. In the church I left, I was an important somebody, and now I am considered nobody. It takes a while to get used to living without the prestige, esteem, and accolades. While we chose to lay those things down and walk away from them, at times I miss the feelings I got from them. I know that learning all of this is good for me. In reality, I probably wasn't as much of a somebody as they said and I know I'm not as much of a nobody as they now say I am. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to agree with them. Bottom line, that system of elevating select people is one of the things that I don't want to be a part of. I am trying to redefine my success in life according to the character of Christ. If there be any good in me, let it be in my willingness to lay down my own desires to love and serve others without acknowledgment or position.

[Turtle]

I'm still thinking about this.... the temptation is to say... hey... I am a "used to be". Ever hear of people who are all wrapped up in what they "used to be"? It's hard not to look back and think that I could have been "someone special" if I had just stuck with the program at church. Not many people get to stand on the platform over the masses. It makes me feel sick sometimes that I gave up the notoriety. Then.... I have to discipline myself to be humble and to only be "me". I'm not a superstar.... I'm not the special annointed of God. I'm not the mighty woman of God (common terminology in my last church). Toward the end of my time there I began correcting those who said that... that I was a woman with a mighty God. Now.... I would tell them, I'm no better than the person next door. There's something inside of me that wants to "be somebody". To be adored and special. Maybe that's in all of us... do you think?


BINGO!!! ....the temptation to say I am a used to be! Ya, I can relate to that. Maybe that's what I'm feeling when I say at times I miss community.

I realize that perhaps it's (community) just being redefined for me, and in the meantime some of these feelings kinda suck.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. ((((((((((( )))))))))))) to ya!!

[Turtle]

Willow, I understand what you are saying. In the church I left, I was an important somebody, and now I am considered nobody. It takes a while to get used to living without the prestige, esteem, and accolades. While we chose to lay those things down and walk away from them, at times I miss the feelings I got from them. I know that learning all of this is good for me. In reality, I probably wasn't as much of a somebody as they said and I know I'm not as much of a nobody as they now say I am. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to agree with them. Bottom line, that system of elevating select people is one of the things that I don't want to be a part of. I am trying to redefine my success in life according to the character of Christ. If there be any good in me, let it be in my willingness to lay down my own desires to love and serve others without acknowledgment or position.

You bet Katie, we're not as much a nobody as some now say! Well said!

[Florence]

Willow said:
My job "was" her job. It really took me back. In retrospect, I couldn't do it again. I'm now too comfortable being "just amy" at this point in my life. Back then though... the goal of my life was to perform and be over-the-top good at worship coordination. I'm one that "didn't get paid" and really wanted to be paid. I can't remember who was talking about "those kind of people". I was "those kind of people". You need to understand though... The job I was doing couldn't be done in less than 20 hours a week and that was minimal coverage. The music program could have been soooo much better if I'd had say... 50 hours a week to devote.

Willow,
Wow, I know exactly what you mean. I spent years doing this kind of thing and wasn't paid for it. And even now, I am paid for 20 hours a week at a job that really needs, as you said, 50. I have to be so careful to draw boundaries and to say to the powers-that-be that if they want all the bells and whistles, they'll have to come up with the hours for me to do it in first. I know that sounds callous when there are lots of folks like you and like I used to be that did this out of their servant-heartedness.

Not that I'm not servant-hearted, but I now choose to serve in areas outside of my profession. When they need someone to help in the kitchen, teach a Sunday school class, etc., I'm on it! But, I wouldn't coordinate an additional service unless they pay me to do it. One of the reasons for that is that in my job at the Bible college, I was paid for 20 hours a week but it grew to be 35 - 40. When I would ask them to adjust, they would tell me that I should be willing to 'contribute to the ministry.' So, when this church approached me, I made sure to get them to agree that I would get paid for doing anything that is within my profession. Now, when someone says, "Hey, why don't you work with a youth praise team or do a children's musical?" I can say, "If you want that to happen, talk to the board."

As to being the 'music minister' mine is a whole different type of ministry - and not one where I am the "important somebody" on the platform. In that respect, my job is to work myself out of a job - to bring up other leaders to minister from the platform. I am much happier being the mentor/administrator - I prefer staying off the platform as much as possible. When I put new teams together, I do begin by participating with them because this church had never had a worship team until I came and it was a foreign concept for them. But, as they learn and become prepared, I start backing off and launching them on their own.

For me, it's not about being important, it's about helping other people find and develop their gifts and to use them in ways that are God-honoring and kingdom building. If I can work myself out of their dependence on me and one day they say they don't need me anymore, I will have done what I believe God has called and equipped me to do.

Florence

[Willow]

Hi Florence... it sounds as though you have your boundaries set very well in the area of your profession. I switched professions and am now a graphic designer. I get paid for my time through a university. My formal training is in fine arts anyway. Not sure how I ended up being a music director.. hmmmm.

[Janice]

(((((((((Willow))))))))) Oh No! You mean I'm NOT Wonder Woman??? :eek: :D

[Willow]

Janice... I hate to tell you this... but you've turned into a little squishy toy with spikey hair! :eek:

[mountain]

I guess the more we become in the image of Christ perhaps the more we become aware of our need for Him. "I am no better than the person next door."

This is the hard part but very necessary. The minute we get to this point we are finally getting to right spot on the potters wheel and good things happen. Actually it is called being humble really...

In my recovery when i reached this point, it was actually if God spoke in an audible voice and said, "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble"... I followed that path for months as I put the pieces of my life back together again.

Being humble, forgiving others, seeking to make peace, and knowing when not to speak are all of the things that we need to learn....

All of it starts with the realization that we are just one person in this world and no better than the person next door...

The ego death I call it...

mtn

[pblondeau46]

This is the hard part but very necessary. The minute we get to this point we are finally getting to right spot on the potters wheel and good things happen. Actually it is called being humble really...

In my recovery when i reached this point, it was actually if God spoke in an audible voice and said, "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble"... I followed that path for months as I put the pieces of my life back together again.

Being humble, forgiving others, seeking to make peace, and knowing when not to speak are all of the things that we need to learn....

All of it starts with the realization that we are just one person in this world and no better than the person next door...

The ego death I call it...

mtn

This has been an interesting thread. I really enjoyed it! And I say AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! to all of you.

[Doug64]

Just wait till you retire.........then you'll REALLY be a nobody. LOL!

I was never considered anybody at church so really haven't lost anything - although I do understand the feeling that "I used to do" whatever.

I tried to apply what Jerry was saying in my work surroundings. If the people working with me got to where they didn't need my guidance (much), I had done my job.
:cool: Doug