Katie
03-01-2005, 12:13 PM
Today is the one year anniversary of my "spiritual rape."
My husband and I were elders at a church for about 6 years. We had attended this church for about 15 years. The current senior pastor has been there for about 6 years. At the time we were added as elders, there were 5 elder couples total.
Over the years, 2 of the other couples were eliminated in a manner similar to us. At the time, I wasn't able to see how wrong this was. The senior pastor was simply manipulating things to his desires, all in the name of God.
A year ago, we were called to a special meeting, where it was explained that the leadership team had problems, and we were it. The other couples had been called into this "emergency," lied to about the reasons, and asked to support the pastor in his charges.
I'll admit that I was naive. We were told that the leadership was a team effort, that open communication was desired, and that our role was to give honest input. This ended up being the charge against us. We had been sincere in giving our opinions in meetings, and we were always cooperative and respectful.
There was nothing they could accuse us of besides questioning our motives and loyalty. We had served in our role wholeheartedly, with honest commitment. Curiously, not a single person had mentioned concerns before this. There was no Matthew 18 attempt to work things out, simply a trap to accuse.
We had been frustrated with the pastor over many things. It wasn't a secret that our respect for him was almost nonexistent prior to this meeting. But we mistakenly thought it was the goal of everyone on the team to bring things to a place of working together in a healthy manner.
While we had been frustrated before, I was always willing to believe that things could be worked out. The deception and manipulation we discovered were involved in pulling off this power play proved to me exactly what this pastor was all about. We didn't see it all at once, but over a series of meetings learned that the pastor had been planning this for over year because he had been offended with my husband. This was personal, and it was revenge.
We were blindsided. I don't necessarily believe in spooky spiritual stuff, but there was a lot of negative spiritual power attached to this incident. My husband who has ongoing back pain was at the most severe level of pain he has ever had. I have never had back pain, and interestingly enough, I did for several months following the incident.
The meeting was concluded in that we should submit ourselves to the pastor so that he could restore us. That would have been suicidal on our part, knowing what was in his heart concerning us. We were stunned and confused, but we knew enough to leave and not look back. We were immediately shunned by everyone in leadership who knew what happened, including people who had been close friends for years. They still do not see the full extent of what this pastor has done.
We chose not to defend ourselves or to accuse them. Most of the people in the congregation don't have a clue what happened. They think their church is the best one in town, and don't question the leadership at all. We went from being looked up to one day to forgotten the next. Outside the realm of their group, it is as if we don't exist. I don't want to be a part of their group, but I have had trouble learning to be a "nobody."
This was the most evil thing I have experienced in my Christian life. I often wonder how they justify and rationalize their behaviors concerning us. But I know that the group dynamic is a powerful thing. I've learned many things about people and church. Sometimes, I would rather be naive again. In the end, I believe that God will work it all for good.
My husband and I were elders at a church for about 6 years. We had attended this church for about 15 years. The current senior pastor has been there for about 6 years. At the time we were added as elders, there were 5 elder couples total.
Over the years, 2 of the other couples were eliminated in a manner similar to us. At the time, I wasn't able to see how wrong this was. The senior pastor was simply manipulating things to his desires, all in the name of God.
A year ago, we were called to a special meeting, where it was explained that the leadership team had problems, and we were it. The other couples had been called into this "emergency," lied to about the reasons, and asked to support the pastor in his charges.
I'll admit that I was naive. We were told that the leadership was a team effort, that open communication was desired, and that our role was to give honest input. This ended up being the charge against us. We had been sincere in giving our opinions in meetings, and we were always cooperative and respectful.
There was nothing they could accuse us of besides questioning our motives and loyalty. We had served in our role wholeheartedly, with honest commitment. Curiously, not a single person had mentioned concerns before this. There was no Matthew 18 attempt to work things out, simply a trap to accuse.
We had been frustrated with the pastor over many things. It wasn't a secret that our respect for him was almost nonexistent prior to this meeting. But we mistakenly thought it was the goal of everyone on the team to bring things to a place of working together in a healthy manner.
While we had been frustrated before, I was always willing to believe that things could be worked out. The deception and manipulation we discovered were involved in pulling off this power play proved to me exactly what this pastor was all about. We didn't see it all at once, but over a series of meetings learned that the pastor had been planning this for over year because he had been offended with my husband. This was personal, and it was revenge.
We were blindsided. I don't necessarily believe in spooky spiritual stuff, but there was a lot of negative spiritual power attached to this incident. My husband who has ongoing back pain was at the most severe level of pain he has ever had. I have never had back pain, and interestingly enough, I did for several months following the incident.
The meeting was concluded in that we should submit ourselves to the pastor so that he could restore us. That would have been suicidal on our part, knowing what was in his heart concerning us. We were stunned and confused, but we knew enough to leave and not look back. We were immediately shunned by everyone in leadership who knew what happened, including people who had been close friends for years. They still do not see the full extent of what this pastor has done.
We chose not to defend ourselves or to accuse them. Most of the people in the congregation don't have a clue what happened. They think their church is the best one in town, and don't question the leadership at all. We went from being looked up to one day to forgotten the next. Outside the realm of their group, it is as if we don't exist. I don't want to be a part of their group, but I have had trouble learning to be a "nobody."
This was the most evil thing I have experienced in my Christian life. I often wonder how they justify and rationalize their behaviors concerning us. But I know that the group dynamic is a powerful thing. I've learned many things about people and church. Sometimes, I would rather be naive again. In the end, I believe that God will work it all for good.