ex-shep
02-26-2005, 04:34 PM
Find enclosed Step 1 of to be written Big Book on spiritual abuse recovery. As always take what you like and leave the rest. Separated in two parts.
STEP 1: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE: WITHDRAWAL
Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over our spiritual abuse - that our lives had become unmanageable.
So here we were. Lost, confused, and not knowing where to go. To many of us it seemed our whole world had come to an end. We were numb. One person described it as a brick wall hit him—head, stomach, and kidneys all at the same time. This was the feeling when all the dreams and hopes our groups were like new emperor’s new clothes which were nothing but the latest in Fruit of the Loom. We were experiencing pain and emotions were never felt before. Some experts in the field of cults and spiritually abusive groups call it “snapping”. A light came on blinding us with the reality that all was not well with our group.
Some of us came to the knowledge of emotionally harmful groups through a professional intervention. We were provided with the facts that we could not in good conscience continue on in our group. Some were excommunicated or shunned out of their groups kicked out into the street and the reality was brutal fast and the seemingly cold cruel world overwhelming. The large number of us walked out. We could not reason with the leadership. What they were teaching did not line of with the teachings our religion or traditions. We were seeing abuse, crazed behavior justified “in the name of God”. The media was doing exposes on our former group. The leadership would somehow minimize our concerns or shut us down in shame by saying we were rebellious or had doubts. We were exhausted trying to keep up with all the demands the groups and the beliefs. Our gut level instincts told something was amiss. We started to look for answers, sought experts in our groups, met with those had knowledge of mind control and spiritual abuse. Gradually or suddenly all the denial came crashing down and the reality of what we were involved came to the fore like a tidal wave. It seemed our higher power flipped a switch. The denial and the fog was off. The blinding reality was flipped on. The descriptions may not have applied to us exactly. What ever our situation WE WERE OUT AND WE COULD NOT GO BACK.
The big question after the shocked subsided was “where do we go from here?”. A social worker, expert in the field, advised us to expect anything emotionally. The grieving cycle came into play: denial, shock, depression, anger, shame, feelings of betrayal and violation. We thought we were going to go insane and be locked up. Some of us had to take time off to work through the pain. It simply demanded our attention. We told that “this too shall pass” It will get better, even though it did not feel like it at the time.
This is not happening. We were still dreaming, were we not? How could this happen to us? Professionals in grief counseling taught us that this was natural defense mechanism that our bodies have to protect us from the shock.
For some the depression was unbearable. We were exhausted and needed to take care of ourselves. One former member was so abused and traumatized, that all he could do was watch cartoons on TV. It was as much as he could handle. We needed the time to recuperate.
As we came to term how the leadership abused and deceived us, we were enraged. Many of us were frightened with feelings of enraged murderous revenge. We had visions of our groups being firebombed. We were violated and we wanted revenge. How could they do that to us? We cursed our higher power. We were hurt and we were violated. We knew our values would not allow us to engage in such behavior. We still had to work through the anger. We talked to other former members. We went to our meetings. Some found it helpful to seek out professional help. Many of out kept journals and wrote down our feelings of anger and rage. Some took it out on a punching bag. Some wrote letters to their leaders telling them their feelings, but did not mail them. We cried.
There would reasons too numerous to list why we were angry, but that was where we were. We heard that it was alright to be angry as long as we did not hurt ourselves and others. Anger was part and parcel of the recovery process. Eventually we became seasoned with dealing with the feelings of anger. Issues that prompted feelings of anger would revisit us from time to time. We understood the anger and the durations became shorter as time went on.
STEP 1: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE: WITHDRAWAL
Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over our spiritual abuse - that our lives had become unmanageable.
So here we were. Lost, confused, and not knowing where to go. To many of us it seemed our whole world had come to an end. We were numb. One person described it as a brick wall hit him—head, stomach, and kidneys all at the same time. This was the feeling when all the dreams and hopes our groups were like new emperor’s new clothes which were nothing but the latest in Fruit of the Loom. We were experiencing pain and emotions were never felt before. Some experts in the field of cults and spiritually abusive groups call it “snapping”. A light came on blinding us with the reality that all was not well with our group.
Some of us came to the knowledge of emotionally harmful groups through a professional intervention. We were provided with the facts that we could not in good conscience continue on in our group. Some were excommunicated or shunned out of their groups kicked out into the street and the reality was brutal fast and the seemingly cold cruel world overwhelming. The large number of us walked out. We could not reason with the leadership. What they were teaching did not line of with the teachings our religion or traditions. We were seeing abuse, crazed behavior justified “in the name of God”. The media was doing exposes on our former group. The leadership would somehow minimize our concerns or shut us down in shame by saying we were rebellious or had doubts. We were exhausted trying to keep up with all the demands the groups and the beliefs. Our gut level instincts told something was amiss. We started to look for answers, sought experts in our groups, met with those had knowledge of mind control and spiritual abuse. Gradually or suddenly all the denial came crashing down and the reality of what we were involved came to the fore like a tidal wave. It seemed our higher power flipped a switch. The denial and the fog was off. The blinding reality was flipped on. The descriptions may not have applied to us exactly. What ever our situation WE WERE OUT AND WE COULD NOT GO BACK.
The big question after the shocked subsided was “where do we go from here?”. A social worker, expert in the field, advised us to expect anything emotionally. The grieving cycle came into play: denial, shock, depression, anger, shame, feelings of betrayal and violation. We thought we were going to go insane and be locked up. Some of us had to take time off to work through the pain. It simply demanded our attention. We told that “this too shall pass” It will get better, even though it did not feel like it at the time.
This is not happening. We were still dreaming, were we not? How could this happen to us? Professionals in grief counseling taught us that this was natural defense mechanism that our bodies have to protect us from the shock.
For some the depression was unbearable. We were exhausted and needed to take care of ourselves. One former member was so abused and traumatized, that all he could do was watch cartoons on TV. It was as much as he could handle. We needed the time to recuperate.
As we came to term how the leadership abused and deceived us, we were enraged. Many of us were frightened with feelings of enraged murderous revenge. We had visions of our groups being firebombed. We were violated and we wanted revenge. How could they do that to us? We cursed our higher power. We were hurt and we were violated. We knew our values would not allow us to engage in such behavior. We still had to work through the anger. We talked to other former members. We went to our meetings. Some found it helpful to seek out professional help. Many of out kept journals and wrote down our feelings of anger and rage. Some took it out on a punching bag. Some wrote letters to their leaders telling them their feelings, but did not mail them. We cried.
There would reasons too numerous to list why we were angry, but that was where we were. We heard that it was alright to be angry as long as we did not hurt ourselves and others. Anger was part and parcel of the recovery process. Eventually we became seasoned with dealing with the feelings of anger. Issues that prompted feelings of anger would revisit us from time to time. We understood the anger and the durations became shorter as time went on.