Anger issues?

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

Does anyone else here have issues in terms of anger regarding the churches or types of churches that they were hurt by? I don't mean the particular church necessarily as much as the denomination. For instance, when I drive by a Pentecostal or a non-denominational church/Deliverance ministry, sometimes I get so angry or irritated that I want to throw something wet and squishy at the sign and that isn't fair or like me. It isn't fair because *those* people didn't do anything, they could be perfectly nice and loving and they might not agree with the things I was told. And when I talk to someone from one of those churches on the internet I find myself being more harsh or judgemental toward their beliefs than I really should be...like I said, these people are not at fault for the things that some other people 'taught' me but I find myself holding them responsible and it isn't right for me to do that. It certainly isn't loving my neighbor as myself.

Does anyone else struggle with this? It isn't so much that I get mad at beliefs as much as *people* and *groups* and I do not want to become one of the angry and bigoted people that I used to be around.

[Florence]

I don't experience anger - more like "How pathetic!" And I wonder if God is thinking the same thing . . . :rolleyes:
Florence

[mirror]

Does anyone else here have issues in terms of anger regarding the churches or types of churches that they were hurt by? I don't mean the particular church necessarily as much as the denomination. For instance, when I drive by a Pentecostal or a non-denominational church/Deliverance ministry, sometimes I get so angry or irritated that I want to throw something wet and squishy at the sign and that isn't fair or like me. It isn't fair because *those* people didn't do anything, they could be perfectly nice and loving and they might not agree with the things I was told.

I really struggle with anger toward any of the branches of the denomination we were in the past two churches! Both were similar in denomination, and it's made me angry toward every other of that denomination! There are days, even now, that I picture myself burning down the buildings to keep others from being so hurt. I'd never do it, of course, but it scares me that I even think that way! :eek: Even toward branches that are about as opposite as can be. I'm not alone either. My 17 year old daughter informed me that she will NEVER attend ANY denomination that carried that name.

Mirror

[Voyager]

I deal with anger, but I just stuff it all. I am angry at God and at the phony "people of God". My family has suffered immensely as a result of spiritual abuse, and I don't know how to deal with the anger and grief. Things like scriptures and religious condemnation can trigger my anger, and when that happens I become very defensive. What gets me angry more than anything is when people try to push me towards the one I am angry at - God.

I wish I had an answer for you.

:confused:

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

See in a way I guess I was angry at God but it was more that I was angry at the ones who claimed to be the 'people' of God, and at theology itself. I have a hard time figuring out what is from God and what is from man sometimes. Sometimes it is pretty obvious but sometimes it isn't and I get frustrated that I don't 'know' all this high theology (or even the simple stuff like what Advent is for) or which theologian is 'right' (meaning Calvin v. Arminius, etc) or what all the big words mean...but on the other hand I don't really *want* to know because if this stuff is not from God then it would just burden me. Like I said, I just don;t know sometimes what is from God and what is not.

And living in the South I am often around some very conservative people whose beliefs make me want to vomit and who do things like confuse patriotism and Bush support with Christianity and while those people might be good people in and of themselves I still find myself being rather nasty about them. I know it is not fair to them at all and it is not 'doing unto others as I would have them do unto you' but I don't know how I can get help with this without irritating everyone around me:) Even the psychiatrists I have been to ( I have bipolar disorder, for those who don't know) don't seem to understand or want to address the subject.

I guess my depression or whatever that other people experience (well I have had that too) often comes out as anger.

[ex-shep]

[QUOTE=Beautiful_Dreamer]Does anyone else here have issues in terms of anger regarding the churches or types of churches that they were hurt by?

Your anger is natural and part of the healing process. I had to go through it too. Part of it for me was defense mechanism, part boundaries violation, part unmet needs, and a lot of grieving. Hearing former members wanting to firebomb their group is understandable. I wanted, for years, wanted to break every bone in the body of the person who lead me into the shepherding/discipleship movement in college. Of course neither of knew what we encountered, so, with time, I have been able to cultivate an attitude of forgiveness a long time ago.

I used to get angry anytime I heard anything remotely evangelical Christmas carols used to send me to orbits of rage. "I am not going through THAT again".


So you are not alone. The good news it does dissipate with time-- even though it may not feel like it at the time.

[Kerrin]

I'm flip-flopping between immense grief and RAGE!!!

I don't know what I feel........... :( :mad:
I understand and empathise and appreciate all your sharing,
Kerrin

[Reg]

I'm flip-flopping between immense grief and RAGE!!!

I don't know what I feel........... :( :mad:
I understand and empathise and appreciate all your sharing,
Kerrin
Yes Kerrin, it is something all of us have experienced at different degrees of intensity. It was a BIG one for me. I found out that anger can be a good sign that you are on you way to recovery as long as we don't get and stay bitter.

Here is something I posted a couple of times on the old forum that may help others here to understand the steps to healing.

I got this from David Covington, a minister in my former church that tried to help but was eventually fired.

Grief and Loss

Kubler-Ross' Stages of Dying: 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression and 5. Acceptance. First, it is worth considering that giving up long-held beliefs is similar to losing a loved one. Many members are grieving. These are steps toward healing. They may not be felt or experienced in the exact order as above.

How we respond as a ministry is critical if we as a body are going to move on toward emotional and spiritual healing and truly repent to become a healthy Christian church.

Anger and Hurt Feelings

Our historical approach in the WCG toward anger has been, for the most part, that the person is in a bad attitude and should shut up. If members are not allowed to feel their frustration, hurt, and, yes, even anger, they will not move on toward emotional and spiritual healing. Inevitably, their feelings will be suppressed down eventually resulting in bitterness. It is not healthy to circumvent the natural process of grief and loss.

God's grace comes through honesty. Suppressing our feelings of anger, hurt or frustration leads to bitterness. It is true that we should not sacrifice love in our honesty, but Christians often forsake honesty in the name of love. They suppress their feelings of anger and hurt.This is emotional suicide. A ministry of healing can lead people gently through the process.

Ministry of Healing

It takes a specialized sensitivity and ministry. We need to meet members at the point of their need with the healing ointment of the gospel. Additionally, with love and care, we need to address the psychological hold Herbert W. Armstrong continues to hold on our membership.

Below is a possible outline for a healing ministry:

1. Ministerial awareness of the rationale for a ministry of healing.
2. Ministerial preparation. Out of the Cults and Into the Church to understand the dynamics of the trauma of loss and grief experienced by our membership.
3. Smaller bible study groups. Healing for Damaged Emotions to sensitively address results of legalism: perfectionism, depression, low-self esteem and guilt.
4. Sermon series. Search for Significance to address the personal application of grace in the life of the Christian with special attention to honesty in the process of forgiveness and the role of guilt in legalism.
5. Sermon series. Healing Spiritual Abuse to address honestly and openly the past abuses of legalism and to demonstrate our commitment to meet members at the point of their need and make amends.

[standing still]

One of the group therapy sessions I attended focused on taking ownership of our pain. It took awhile for me to understand what that meant. It finally took hold, and I try this exercise when that pain hits.

1. In taking ownership I have to realize just what that means - it is my pain. I didn't cause it, but it is my pain to deal with.

2. Once I have taken ownership I then have to FEEL the pain in its totality. I take deep breaths and try to bring as much of the pain to the surface as I can at that particular "pain strike" against my soul.

3. I then self talk myself, that is, in regard to left brain - right brain thinking. The left side of the brain is my memory side. When a trigger hits and I experience deep pain it is the left brain, the memory, bringing the pain back up again. So, I have to tell myself what is the truth - that I am not being abused again, but my brain is recalling the pain from the memory that triggered the pain. I have to tell myself that my left brain is lying to my emotions. I contunue to take deep breaths, relaxing, feeling the pain, and then use soft repetitive self talk to wake me up to the truth that the abuse is not occurring again, but the memory of it is what is causing the pain.

I have had those moments of going from one extreme to the other like you. It is when I try this exercise that I seem to gain focus, and can move forward. Hope this helps in some way.

I'm flip-flopping between immense grief and RAGE!!!

I don't know what I feel........... :( :mad:
I understand and empathise and appreciate all your sharing,
Kerrin