Breakthrough for me - hopefully not a trigger

[Katie]

Feb 28 will be the one year anniversary of the day the most severe of the abuse was unleashed upon us - the day the trap was sprung.

I could fill pages of posts with the things that were done that hurt us and why they were evil and wrong. I could gather evidence to support my case and rehash endlessly the insincere motives and methods.

I have attempted to forgive, and I have attempted to heal. I have tried to just get over it. But I have felt stuck and permanently scarred and damaged. My family was out of town today, so I decided to spend the morning dealing with my feelings.

I journaled for hours, I wrote letters that won't be mailed, I prayed, and I cried. I identified and acknowledged the hurts and I struggled with my feelings toward the people involved. I decided that I would not allow the hurt to color my life any longer.

I saw that I have a choice in how I react to this, and I choose to move on to new things, to good things. I will let go of all that was ugly. Yes, what happened was bad, but I no longer feel like I have to prove that it was.

And I saw that I am OK. Many people have experienced hurt in their lives that is far greater than what I experienced. If what happened to me gives me the capacity to feel more compassion for those that are hurt, then I can grow from this whole experience.

[Katie]

I am going to copy part of what I journaled today because it was so helpful to me. Take what you want and leave the rest. :)


Creating meaning and purpose out of my hurt:
I have had only a glimpse of suffering, just a taste of violation, betrayal, and rejection. Yet the intensity of the pain left me in a pit of hurt and self-protection.

My attempts to forgive and heal seemed fruitless. The reminders and ongoing hurt kept me in a perpetual cycle of trying to forgive.

But today I choose to forgive, to leave the people who have hurt me to deal with what they have done, and to accept that their behavior is their responsibility.

Although I didn’t deserve this abuse, it will no longer define me. I will no longer revisit the painful memories, and when reminded, I will release the hurt rather than nursing it.

When I feel misunderstood, violated, betrayed, rejected, or hurt, I will remember those who have experienced deep hurt in their lives. In place of bitterness, I choose to fill my heart with love and compassion for the wounded.

For every dart and arrow of hurt that comes my way, I will plant a seed of compassion and understanding for those who are truly wounded. Lord, let your love grow in my heart.

There will be meaning and purpose in what I have experienced if I become a more loving and compassionate person as a result of it.

[Theodora]

I am going to copy part of what I journaled today because it was so helpful to me. Take what you want and leave the rest. :)


Creating meaning and purpose out of my hurt:
I have had only a glimpse of suffering, just a taste of violation, betrayal, and rejection. Yet the intensity of the pain left me in a pit of hurt and self-protection.

My attempts to forgive and heal seemed fruitless. The reminders and ongoing hurt kept me in a perpetual cycle of trying to forgive.

But today I choose to forgive, to leave the people who have hurt me to deal with what they have done, and to accept that their behavior is their responsibility.

Although I didn’t deserve this abuse, it will no longer define me. I will no longer revisit the painful memories, and when reminded, I will release the hurt rather than nursing it.

When I feel misunderstood, violated, betrayed, rejected, or hurt, I will remember those who have experienced deep hurt in their lives. In place of bitterness, I choose to fill my heart with love and compassion for the wounded.

For every dart and arrow of hurt that comes my way, I will plant a seed of compassion and understanding for those who are truly wounded. Lord, let your love grow in my heart.

There will be meaning and purpose in what I have experienced if I become a more loving and compassionate person as a result of it.


Thanks so much for sharing part of your journaling with us. May God continue to guide your steps and give you peace.

Theodora

[Jerry]

If what happened to me gives me the capacity to feel more compassion for those that are hurt, then I can grow from this whole experience.
Dear Katie,,,,
I think Christ would say,,,,,,"I'll buy that !!",,,,,,,and smile :D
Love Jerry

[Willow]

That's a great example of changing your status from victim to victor!

[Sheep]

Your post was of great encouragement to me and sharing your journaling too.

Sheep

[Kerrin]

]I am going to copy part of what I journaled today because it was so helpful to me. Take what you want and leave the rest. :)


Creating meaning and purpose out of my hurt:
I have had only a glimpse of suffering, just a taste of violation, betrayal, and rejection. Yet the intensity of the pain left me in a pit of hurt and self-protection.

My attempts to forgive and heal seemed fruitless. The reminders and ongoing hurt kept me in a perpetual cycle of trying to forgive.

But today I choose to forgive, to leave the people who have hurt me to deal with what they have done, and to accept that their behavior is their responsibility.

Although I didn’t deserve this abuse, it will no longer define me. I will no longer revisit the painful memories, and when reminded, I will release the hurt rather than nursing it.

When I feel misunderstood, violated, betrayed, rejected, or hurt, I will remember those who have experienced deep hurt in their lives. In place of bitterness, I choose to fill my heart with love and compassion for the wounded.

For every dart and arrow of hurt that comes my way, I will plant a seed of compassion and understanding for those who are truly wounded. Lord, let your love grow in my heart.

There will be meaning and purpose in what I have experienced if I become a more loving and compassionate person as a result of it
:) Thankyou,
This is beautiful, and although, in the depthds of pain and an unbearable ache in my heart, your words are aligfht,
On a gloomy day your words have shone through.]
Love, Kerrin and Bless you for you gift.